


Dancing with Fate

by AmdelMari



Category: Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Coincidences, F/M, Friendship, PTSD, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-02-16 03:00:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 66,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21500749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmdelMari/pseuds/AmdelMari
Summary: A new beginning.  It's never easy to start over.  Maybe this time, things will go better for them both.
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Female Trevelyan, Cullen Rutherford/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 141
Kudos: 74





	1. Strangers

****Chapter One  
Strangers  


_Reaching…_

_Clawing…_

_Screeching…_

_Blood…_

_It’s everywhere…_

_No escape…_

_No breath…_

_No…no—_

_This is the end._

Sitting up so quickly one could give themselves whiplash was never a pleasant way to rouse from sleep. Sweat; cold and sticky clung to muscles as they slowly unclenched from the intensity of the nightmare. Images that weren’t real. They weren’t real…

Raking a hand through mussed up curls, Cullen dragged his hand down his face to let it drop atop the comforter. His bedroom was still dark. City lights glowed beyond the glass. The clicking of claws against tile made him tense for just a moment before it registered that his dog was trying to get in. With a huff, he threw the bed covers back and rolled to his bare feet. The cool surface of the flooring was nearly pleasant on his now overheated flesh. He shoved his door open, letting the large dog inside. The grey colored beast lumbered into the room and leapt up onto the bed. Cullen turned to pin the dog with a rather unamused look. Hands on his brief clad hips, Cullen realized it was a losing battle in the end. The dog wouldn’t budge even if he physically shoved at him. Pup knew Cullen needed the comfort of him nearby and wasn’t going to let him weather through the strange nightmares alone.

Finding his way back under his blankets, Cullen sat back against the headboard. His eyes glazed over with memories. War. Gunfire. Casualties. Being a prisoner of war…torture. It was hell. No amount of faith in a Maker could bring him back from these memories. The PTSD got so bad at times that his own nightmares twisted the events he had gone through into a gruesome scene of demons, rending flesh, screaming, and rivers of blood. It was utterly asinine, of course. Demons couldn’t walk the realm of man. Magic, especially, did not exist. So the strange way his mind twisted the men who’d tortured him in real life into images of evil, magical wizards? Maybe it was a way to dehumanize them for him? God, he didn’t know. Nor did he care.

He wasn’t getting anymore sleep tonight. He reached out and grabbed his slim laptop and opened it. His new job would be a wonderful way to distract him from his issues. Even his therapist thought so. Anything to escape the memories of that…that place. Cullen gladly took it. Before he knew it, hours had ticked by and he knew he needed to get up. Padding to his bathroom, he turned the shower on and let it heat up before he removed his briefs. Stepping into the shower, he sighed as the water pelted him. Steam rose up all around him. As he leaned his hands against the wall under the shower head, he bowed his head under the spray. This time, it wasn’t images of war that plagued him. It was the familiar curves of a woman’s body. One he missed. Curling his hands into fists, he tried to push the visions from his mind. But like his nightmares…they persisted.

Solana Amell. He ground his jaw against the urge to either yell or cry. He didn’t know which was more appropriate. He was going to marry that woman. He’d gotten the ring. He’d had _everything_ ready. Then he returned home to find she’d not waited for him. During his long deployment…she’d found someone else. Someone to warm her bed. Shoving away from the wall, he shook himself as though to dispel the dark thoughts and emotions like the water droplets from his hair. He slammed the shower off with more force than necessary and stepped out. Towel drying off, he found his clothing for the day. It was Saturday, so he had the day to himself.

Grabbing Pup’s leash, he snapped the hook onto the ring around the large dog’s collar. After shoving his steel-toed boots on, he shrugged his jacket on and stepped out into the hallway. Cullen hated enclosed spaces so he took the stairs. Four floors down and then out through the lobby put him on the street. It was merely a short walk to the park. He let Pup off the leash and only had to give the shrill whistle command to _stop_ twice. They spent a good hour before heading home in order to heat up some breakfast. Cullen reclipped the leash and led Pup home. Both took the stairs a bit less enthusiastically back up to the correct floor. Cullen pushed the door open only to have Pup rush through it fast enough to throw it wide. The problem with this, however, was that it didn’t exactly finish swinging. A loud grunt and a curse preceded the sound of thumps and shattering glass.

Spitting out a few choice words, Cullen released the lease and quickly slipped through to see what damage had been done. A woman, perhaps around his age, sat back on the floor with an overturned box before her. Broken dinnerware scatted out from the box across the floor. Cullen seethed.

“Pup! Bad dog! Bad! Sit!” He growled and Pup instantly dropped his hind to the floor and ducked his head with a pathetic whine. “Oh don’t even! You caused this you riotous hound!” With a sigh, Cullen turned back to the woman, “I am _so_ very sorry for all of this. Let me help you clean this up and then I’ll compensate you for my dog’s damages.”

“It’s nothing really,” she replied, shuffling forward to start picking up the items. “They were just a hand-me-down anyway…”

“Still, I feel awful.”

The woman looked up him as he knelt to behind plucking shattered pieces from the thin carpeting. He inhaled a bit sharply as her rather lovely hazel eyes looked back him. Her hair was a dark auburn pulled back into a loose, messy bun. Long, dark lashes added depth to her already luminous eyes. He swallowed thickly and offered her a half-assed smile.

“My sister always told me I had a bad habit of bumping into people,” he joked only to feel stupid. He mentally kicked himself for making a dumb joke to a pretty lady.

The laugh her got was music to his bruised ego. “And my brothers always tell me I need to look up sometimes.”

Cullen smiled back at her, watching her blush and tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Realizing he was staring; he felt his own cheeks heat in embarrassment. “Right, cleaning. That’s what I’m supposed to be doing…” He didn’t even realize he’d spoken aloud.

“Really, you don’t have to. I was a bit too busy looking…at the, um, carpet pattern…”

Cullen blinked before he chuckled, “the carpet?”

“The design is really interesting!” She defended with even more color upon her cheeks. She was so adorable.

“Admittedly, I haven’t really taken the time to notice.”

She sighed, hanging her head, “I’m an art enthusiast…so I—uh—like to look at anything with a unique design.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.”

She looked up in surprise, “you sure about that? I have a myriad of broken plates that would disagree with you.”

“Attention to details. It’s a good character strength. And, to be fair, my dog and I also shared in the dishes demise.”

“Well, thank you.”

Cullen inclined his head, “now, let me go fetch my broom and dust pan to properly clean this up. I’ll be right back.” He rose and jogged quickly to his door, calling for Pup to follow. Once inside, he retrieved his broom and dust pan before he pointed to Pup’s bed in command. He closed his door firmly behind him and moved back to where he’d left the dishes damsel. Together, they made quick work of cleaning up the shards. He then hefted the box of broken dishes and she led the way to her door. As they neared it, Cullen felt his pulse quicken. She was his neighbor; literally next door. She opened the door and motioned him in. He stepped inside and headed for the kitchen as he already knew the layout would be mirror imaged to his.

“Thanks so much,” she beamed as she followed him.

“It really isn’t any trouble. Especially since I’m mostly to blame.”

“Agree to disagree and call it even.”

He laughed and nodded, “so, I don’t suppose you’d need any help moving more boxes?”

She paused and her eyes widened. Cullen instantly ran over his words for any way that could have been misunderstood in _any_ way. Was it dirty? Insinuative? Did she think he was pervert or trying to--?

“Really?!” She asked, clasping her hands under her chin, “you’d do that?! I would be _so_ grateful!”

Cullen blew out a nervous chuckle, “y-yes, of course! Lead the way.”

Much to his dismay, she went straight for the elevator. He held his breath as he stepped on and clenched his jaw. However, he knew it was the wisest course of action in the long run. Thankfully, it wasn’t a very long ride. He walked with her to the moving truck and used the moving dolly-cart to stack several boxes and wheel them back inside. It took five trips up and down the hell box. At the last trip, the lovely woman cleared her throat.

“You really hate elevators, don’t you?”

Cullen tried to force his nerves to calm before speaking. It made his voice a bit tight, “that obvious?”

“Your jaw is clenched so tightly I’m worried you’ll chip a tooth.”

“S—sorry.”

“No! Don’t be! Some things can’t be helped. Thank you for all your help today. I would have been at this _all day_ if not for you. I owe you dinner.”

Cullen bit back a smirk, “so that’s how a guy gets a date these days?”

She threw her head back and laughed, “I find it _very_ hard to believe you can’t find a date. Nor would I believe you are single.”

A strange flutter raced through his gut, “well…I—uh—don’t. Much. Date, that is. And I’m quite single.”

“Oh,” she shifted, clearing her throat, “well…then, now I know.”

Cullen wasn’t sure if he felt embarrassed or emboldened by this strange turn of events. The elevator slid open and they stepped out. They walked down the hall and paused at her door, just past his own. “So, I’ll—I’ll see you around?”

“Well, I _did_ just say I owe you dinner. What do you eat?”

“Food?” He laughed, shrugging. “I’m usually not too picky. Unless it’s Orlesian…”

A snicker answered him, “the _only_ thing Orlesians do well are tiny cakes. Everything is Antivan and Ferelden for good food.”

Never before did Cullen think he’d heard something so remotely attractive. He grinned back, “that is the best thing I’ve heard in…well, forever. I’m a bit surprised you said Ferelden food. Most think it’s rather…simplistic.”

“Simplistic doesn’t have to mean _flavorless_. It’s comfort food. Nothing like a hot bowl of hearty stew and warm bread while curled up by the fireplace. Add in a tankard of spiced ale? Best evening ever.”

“Or meat pies. Especially when served with a good cup of tea and a few berry crostatas for desert.”

She made a nearly obscene sound, “oh my word, the Ferelden pastries are so yummy! Antiva has the wine and the pastas, but their deserts get a bit adventurous as times. But I can never say no to good Ferelden pastries.”

Cullen laughed whole-heartedly. Belatedly, it occurred to him that…he’d not laughed so easily in years. Maybe even a full decade. “Well then, it sounds like Ferelden fare may just be what we acquire this evening then.”

“Could we really?” Her eyes practically sparkled with excitement.

“I should say we _have to_ at this point.”

“Done and done. Know any good places?”

“There’s a very hearty restaurant that delivers here just down the street,” Cullen answered.

“Tell you what,” she reached into her pocket and pulled out a wallet. She withdrew a stack of notes and held them out to him, “you call and order us more food than we can possibly eat in one sitting, and I’m paying.”

Cullen shook his head, “I’d be a jackass if I made a lady pay.”

“I’d be a bitch if I didn’t pay _at least_ my share and also…consider this payment for helping me move everything up here in the dreaded doom box of hell.”

He chuckled and took the money, “all right, all right. But I’m paying next time.”

“You have yourself a deal, my friend.”

Cullen smiled and made a motion over his shoulder and she nodded. He stepped out and walked to his own apartment. Once inside, he toed his boots off out of habit and moved to the take-out list of numbers he’d been compiling for the last few weeks since he’d gotten there. He found the right one and began to tap it into his cell phone. He placed the order for a feast and paid with his card. Once done, he shoved the correct amount—rounding down of course—of the money he’d been given into his wallet. Afterwards, he sat down at his small dining table. His eyes cast a scrutinizing look around to ensure nothing was out of place. Not that he thought there would be. With his military habits from his long years as a soldier and eventually a colonel…it was force of habit to keep things meticulous. He’d been on the cusp of being offered a fast pass to general when he’d thrown in the towel. He’d retired early; much to his commanding officer’s dismay. He’d seen far too much death and he couldn’t send more men into conflicts to die. So when he’d found an opening with a huge security company who handled everything from the most highly advance security systems to actual bodyguards? He’d applied without thought.

Now here he was. In a new apartment, in a new city, with a new job he’d started but a handful of weeks before. And he had a lovely lady coming over for dinner that now lived next door. He felt his nerves suddenly fray. What the hell was he thinking? What business did _he_ have even entertaining the notion of dating? He was a broken, pathetic man with more skeletons in his closet than he could actually fit. He was no catch. He was a loser. He lifted his hand to his face and dragged his palm down his face. The rough scratch of stubble was audible. He should know better. Sol didn’t want him. What made him think this woman could be any different? And he didn’t even know her, for goodness sake!

A soft knock came at his door. He’d been lost enough in his commiseration that he was actually startled by the sound. He stood and strode to the door. Opening it, he felt his face heat and his stomach do a weird little twitch at the sight of his new neighbor. She smiled warmly at him and he stepped aside to let her in. She walked two steps in before stopping and removing her shoes. Cullen wasn’t expecting her to know his home preferences or to remove her shoes, but here she was. Doing just that. Cullen quickly averted his gaze once she straightened up again.

“Sorry it took me a bit,” she started, “just got off the phone with the furniture delivery guys. They were supposed to be here two hours ago. They’re on their way _now_ , but they’ll still be another hour or two depending on the other delivery they have to make before mine.”

“Over two hours’ late? Are they going to reimburse you for their failure to meet their appointment?”

She snorted, “I doubt it.”

Cullen’s lips thinned, “that’s hardly all right.”

“Maybe not, but everyone makes mistakes. I’m not exempt from that. So unless they failure to deliver at all today, I won’t sweat it much.”

The doorbell rung and Cullen turned to answer it. He inhaled the scent of their food wafting up to him as he signed the receipt, leaving a gracious tip and then taking the bags. An extra pair of hands reached out to grab the last of the bags. After thanking the delivery man, Cullen kicked the door shut. Four large bags were set down upon the bar counter. Dish after dish was retrieved and lined up while Cullen set out two large plates, utensils, and glassware. They dished up from all the enticing food and then sank down at the dining table. His dinner guest and new neighbor looked around his apartment.

“It’s the mirror image lay-out from mine…”

“I believe most neighboring apartments are. Since you and I are the only two housed upon this side of the building, ours are some of the largest units I believe.” He took a healthy bite of some mashed potatoes and gravy. He hummed, enjoying the way the smooth food warmed his mouth then his stomach after he swallowed.

“Are you a mind-reader or something?”

Cullen looked up, confusion pulling at his brow, “I—what?”

“It’s like you ordered quite literally everything I love most. Roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, hearty venison stew, a salmon chowder, shepard’s pie…? It’s _all_ here.”

“Oh,” Cullen laughed softly, “it’s what sounded the best on their menu.”

“Well, it is everything I could want and more,” she replied shoveling a large spoonful of stew into her mouth.

Cullen watched her in amusement. “What do you do for work, er…” Cullen blanked. He never asked her name! How careless could he be?! His face felt feverish with the furious blush that he _knew_ was making his entire face red.

She watched him for a moment before she also turned rather red. She blurted out a startled laugh, “I can’t believe I never introduced myself! Maker, where is my head!? Addeline, my name is Addeline. I am _so_ embarrassed now!”

Cullen laughed, a bit less guilty now, “you are not alone there. I failed to introduce myself either. Pleased to meet you, Addeline. I’m Cullen.”

Addeline snorted out a little giggle as she reached out a hand to shake his. He came to the conclusion he found everything about this woman so far to be just adorable. He shook her hand and grinned before they both dug in with hearty enthusiasm once more. They ate until they were stuffed. Addeline sat back, patting her stomach.

“Ahh…that was very satisfying. It’s so wonderful to get to eat my fill and throwing etiquette out the door once in awhile.”

Cullen took a swig from one of the beer bottles he’d retrieved from the fridge some time ago for them both. “That sounds bloody awful.”

“It _is_ ,” she sighed. Before anything more could be said, Addeline’s pocket began to chime. She withdrew her phone and Cullen watched her thumb it on. She answered quickly, “hello? Yes, this is she. Yes, I’m actually right next door. I’ll meet you now. Okay, bye-bye.”

Cullen waited until she hung up, “delivery here?”

“Yes. They knocked at my door apparently. I suppose this is goodnight?”

“Right,” Cullen stood and walked with her to the door. She quickly shuffled her feet into her shoes. She turned to face him and held her hand out once more. Cullen took her hand to shake.

“Thank you for the meal, the help, and a nice evening.”

“Thank you for entertaining a boring old vet.”

She snickered, “you’re hardly old.”

“You failed to deny the boring part, though,” he teased.

“Ah, boring is actually refreshing!”

“I’m glad you think so.”

“Goodnight, Cullen.”

“Goodnight, Addeline.”

“Addy, please.”

“All right, goodnight, Addy.”

Addy smiled before she opened the door and left. Cullen stared at the closed door for a long while before it occurred to him that he never did get an answer to his question…

* * *


	2. Dinner for Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! My muse finally gave me something to write that doesn't just fizzle out two chapters in. She attempted to get me to write a few other things but none of them...stuck. Hope you all are staying cozy as the weather gets colder!

** Chapter Two **  
**Dinner for Two**

Addy was tired. Her day had started out as a bittersweet beginning to her new chapter. The break from the majority of her family was both needed and hard. So when she’d bumped into the incredibly handsome stranger in the hallway of her new home…it was almost like the Maker was literally shoving her forward. Cullen proved to be as funny and amusing as he was attractive. It was a dangerous combination. She’d been nervous at dinner. She’d been raised in etiquette. Perfection in everything one did; for all eyes would be on you at all times. So when he not only didn’t mention her lack of decorum, but seemed more comfortable with he? Hardly noticing her lack of lady-like grace while devouring her food? She’d nearly cried tears of joy. Not one comment on how much she was eating. Not a hint of a displeasure in _what_ she was allowing to enter her body. Never even an eyelash bat at the fact that she was _licking her spoon clean_.

Now that her furniture was all delivered and moved into place, she stood in her thigh length nightgown after a nice hot shower. Her towel was still wrapped around her head. She was ready for bed. It was well after ten pm. She had to get to her job by seven am. They had several new artist exhibits to plan for. The transfer from her last gallery job to the current one, was something she was actually looking forward to. She loved her job. She didn’t care for all the snobbery, of course. But art…art was a part of her soul. She could bleed paint and not think it odd. She wasn’t much of an artist in her own opinion. But she lived and breathed the beauty of creativity. Whether with a brush, a pen, a pencil, coal, pastels, sand, fire, or wood…it was all stunning in her eyes.

She crawled into bed and set her alarm on her phone. Plugging it in, she sat back against the pillows. It wasn’t her old bed. It was going to take a bit of getting used to, that was for certain. But it was _hers_ and _only hers_. No memories of…

She bit her lip and clenched her fists. No. She wouldn’t think of _him_. Never again. That was over and done with. There was _no_ point dwelling on that _ever again_. Taking a deep breath, she focused on the happiness she felt today. Oddly enough, it was with an interesting man. He seemed to have no expectations of her. It was beyond exciting. That was when she remembered something from earlier. If their apartments were mirror lay-outs, then that meant his own bedroom was sharing a wall with hers. A blush lit up across her face. It was stupid. Such a silly thing to think about. But she did. And it was what brought her hand up, knuckles to the wall. She knocked the first half of the barber-shop knock. She waited.

A small sigh escaped her as she shook her head, “stupid girl. He may not even be—”

The answering two knocks sounded and she blinked in surprise before a giggle escaped her. She snuggled down into bed with a dumb grin on her face before she slowly dropped off to sleep. When she woke to her alarm, hours later, she yawned and stretched as the sun peaked through her blinds. Rolling from bed, she padded over to her dresser and pulled her hair free from the braid she’d put it in the night before. Her auburn curls sprung to life. With a glower at the long locks, she began to fuss them into a fashionable chignon with a few stray strands framing her face. Her nightclothes were replaced with a push-up bra, a pair of nylons, a tight pencil-skirt, and a ruffled forest-green blouse. She lined her eyes with dark kohl and did the smoky effect with her shadows. A medium shade red glossed her lips before she left the bathroom to dig out her gold pumps. She grabbed her over the shoulder, leather pouch-purse and keys before sliding her phone into her purse.

As she locked up, she considered knocking on Cullen’s door to see what he was up to. However, that would probably be inappropriate. They’d just met. It wasn’t as though they were instantly best-friends. Shaking that stupid notion from her head, she took the elevator down and began the walk to the gallery. It was only five blocks from her new apartment. Even in heels, it wasn’t a horrible walk. She also wasn’t exactly in bad shape either. Every Friday, she met with her closest friend at their favorite gym to work out and spar. She refused to be a victim. Not if there was a way to stop it. So she and Mavern would keep up on what they learned in the army. It also had a penchant to become a bit…creative with new moves to try and best one another.

The doors to the gallery were inviting as she stepped inside. The gallery owner, Wynn, was a sweet, older lady. She’d greeted Addy personally upon her interview. She was there now, standing with a burly looking man. Addy hesitated approaching only to have a kind faced elven woman approach her.

“You must Miss Addeline.”

“Yes, pleased to meet you,” Addy held her hand out.

“I’m Lioni Surana. I answer phones and field questions mostly. I’m so pleased to see we have a new art expert to help showcase pieces and sign new artists to our gallery!”

Addy smiled, instantly finding herself liking the elven woman. “I’m so honored to be here.”

“That is lovely to hear,” Wynn’s gentle voice come over Addy’s shoulder.

Addy turned to greet the gallery owner. Wynn’s smile made her eyes crinkle at the corners. She gestured beside her, “this here is Thom Ranier. He’s considering signing with our gallery. Perhaps you would like to take a moment to speak with him while you get the layout of the gallery down, Miss Addeline?”

Really? Wynn was trusting her with a new client signing? Addy smirked; no. This was a test. One she could kick ass at. She turned and gave a winsome smile to the man. “It would be an honor, Messere Ranier. Shall we?”

Ranier’s bushy brows rose before he nodded. Addy was ninety-nine percent positive she saw a small blush beneath his beard. She led him through the gallery. She’d taken the time to study the layout when she’d come an hour early for her interview weeks ago. A cough from her left drew her attention to the man beside her, “how do you display wood carving sculptures?”

“An excellent question,” Addy inclined her head. “See, with wood, one must have the correct lighting to bring out the natural beauty of the woodgrain. However, the display must also be a fully open all the way around in order to showcase every angle of the piece. After all, what is a sculpture if not a 360-degree masterpiece of blood, sweat, tears, and passion? If I were host an artist opening exhibit for your pieces, I would place them…”

Addy spotted the perfect spot, “here.” Ranier followed her to the open space. Addy continued, “open with enough room to get a full view all the way around. Depending the size, a nice pedestal with an underlit space for the carving to sit upon added with overhead lights from four sides…I think should really make the piece extra catching for people to view. What are your thoughts, Messere Rainier?”

“…that I think I just found who I’m signing with.”

Addy beamed, “that’s wonderful news. May I guide you back to Miss Wynn for further paperwork and signing protocol?”

“Yes, if you would.”

“Right away, Messere Ranier.”

Wynn was giving Addy a pleased look as they approached, “did you find what you were looking for Messere Ranier?”

“That and then some. I’d like to sign with your gallery after all.”

“Splendid, let’s go into my office and get things squared away.”

Addy watched Wynn lead Ranier away. Once the office door was shut, Lioni turned to her with a huge smile, “that was _very_ impressive, Miss Addeline!”

“Addy, please,” Addy smiled and shrugged, “it’s what I was good at.”

“Well, your gallery must be quite sore and lost without you!”

Addy bit back the small bit of hurt in her heart, “I’m sure they’ll manage.”

“So humble,” Lioni chuckled, “well, keep up that work you just did over there and you’ll be Wynn’s second-hand in nothing flat.”

“As long as I get to be surrounded by art…I’m in heaven.” Addy turned and looked at the art pieces all around. She really did feel very good. This was already looking up.

…

It was nearly seven pm when Addy made it home. She’d been given full reign to show pieces to whowever came in. She’d managed to sell ten different pieces. She’d stopped off at a little grocery mart on the walk home. Now she was lugging four grocery bags into the apartment building. She was almost to the elevator when her heel caught on a snag in the carpet. A yelp burst from her as she teetered. The weight of the groceries tossing her sideways.

“Whoa!”

She barely registered the sound of a man’s voice before she was caught and helped back upright. Her ankle sang in praise for not becoming a casualty of her clumsiness. Looking up over her grocery bags, Addy was a bit surprised to see Cullen looking down at her. He was tall. How hadn’t she really noticed that before. And she was wearing bloody heels.

“You all right there, Addy?”

“Just trying to take myself out at the ankles.”

Cullen chuckled and shook his head as he moved to take two of the bags, “well, since you seem to be keen on suiciding your appendages, let me help you.”

“Ha!” Addy let him help her. She stepped onto the elevator only to belatedly remember her had issues with elevators. “Oh, wait…we can take the stairs—”

“And risk you tipping foot over head down them? No. I’d rather not have to make an emergency phone call tonight, thank you.”

Addy snickered, “well then, in that case.”

“Getting home from work?” He asked pleasantly.

Addy nodded then recalled his asking about her work the night before. “Yes. I work in the gallery five blocks—”

“Five blocks?! And you _walked_ that in blasted heels?!”

“…er, yes?”

He stared at her before laughing, “you are a brave woman.”

“Thank you,” Addy puffed up, tilting her head up. “I also know self-defense so I’m perfectly safe walking by myself.”

“That is…actually very reassuring to hear.”

“Was my safety a concern of yours?” She teased, shifting her weight. His silence made her turn to look at him. He was staring straight ahead and his cheeks were colored. “Cullen?”

“I—well, I imagine your brothers would wish you safe. I would wish my own sisters safe.”

Did she just offend him? “They would. And they would be pleased to know I live next to a chivalrous gentleman who swoops in to save poor damsels who attempt to suicide their ankles.”

Cullen chuckled, making her heart beat again. The idea of upsetting him made her feel highly uncomfortable. He looked so handsome and _right_ when he smiled. Like he was _made_ to smile. Plus that sexy Ferelden drawl had her a bit taken. They stepped off on their floor. She led the way to her apartment and managed to unlock her door, shoving it open. They both deposited the groceries upon the counter. She noted how Cullen looked around the apartment. With her boxes halfway unpacked and furniture set up, it looked more lived-in. Cozy. Or so she hoped. Then he walked to the bookcase.

Addy followed him with her eyes as she pulled the groceries out to sort. “See something?”

Cullen reached out and pulled a frame down from the bookcase. “You served?”

“Army. Almost ten years. I got out six years ago.”

“You didn’t choose to go career then?” He set it back. It was her plaque of medals.

“…I…it’s…complicated,” Addy stared at the cheese in her hand. Her mind wandering. She didn’t hear him cross the room. She jumped when he put his hand over hers. Her eyes lifted and she saw something she wasn’t expecting. Understanding. Not pity. Not confusion. He _knew_.

“Marines, sixteen years. I actually joined when I was sixteen. Special Operations Command.”

Addy felt herself go a bit cold. That meant he’d seen the worst of the war, firsthand. “Sixteen? How?”

“I looked a bit mature for my age. By the time they realized, I was one of the best of my unit and my CO said… _’fuck it, boy. Far as I know, you’re twenty-one. Here’s a beer, you’ve earned it.’”_

Addy laughed despite herself. “My closest friend and I met in the army. She lives here in the city. She’s…part of the reason I moved here from Ostwick.”

“I just retired myself. I got a job with a security company.”

“Well, I’m glad for it,” Addy blurted before she tried to cover up her blunder with humor, “without our sudden life-changes…my ugly ass dishes would be making my table look horrible and my ankles would be broken.”

Cullen snorted and shook his head before releasing her hand. “I should go get Pup out for a walk.”

“He’s probably desperate for some fresh air, poor baby. Hey, how about you two come over here after? I’ll make dinner. Unless…you’ve already eaten…”

“It’s a date,” Cullen replied before he blushed, “in a…scheduled fashion. As in, set into place. Not in a romantic way—not that you aren’t attractive! Oh…Maker…”

Addy was laughing now, “I got it the first time, dork. Go walk your puppy and then come eat.”

“Yes, ma’am!” He saluted her mockingly with an eyeroll before he strode out of her apartment.

Addy rested her hand over her heart, “down girl, down. It’s just a friendly dinner with a new, potential friend.”

Her phone rang. Answering it quickly, she grinned at the familiar deep voice on the other end. “Jax!”

“My adorable baby sister! How are you doing? Did you get in all right yesterday? All settled?”

“Yes,” Addy turned on the speakerphone and set the cell down as she put her groceries away. “Just got home from work, actually.”

“How’s that going?”

“I signed a new artist for the gallery and sold ten paintings for an obscene amount of money.”

Jax laughed, “that sounds like my baby sis, all right! Did you wow them with your fancy tongue and way to charm just about anyone?”

Addy snorted and she selected the items she would use to make a nice pasta dish. “Sure, if that’s what you want to call it.”

“Is the owner easier to work with?”

“Yes, Wynn is a dear, sweet, gentle lady. I sense she has a will of iron under it all though. Which I highly respect. Then there’s Lioni. She’s bubbly and personable. I didn’t see or meet anyone else. But there’s the new artist sign-on exhibit as well as art gala in about three weeks from now. That will be a pretty cool thing.”

“Those are like pomp-snooty parties with lots of rich people, right?”

“…yes…but I hate it when you say it like that.”

“Why? Because we’re from a rich family?”

“No. And I left _that_ part of me _behind_ , remember?” Addy felt a bit bad for the snap in her tone. She was about to apologize when Jax spoke again.

“I shouldn’t have brought it up, I’m sorry. That was _my_ bad.”

“…I shouldn’t have snapped at you, Jax. It’s not your fault—what happened…”

“ _Shouldn’t_ have.”

“I’m glad you saw it my way, Jax.”

“You kidding me? The _only_ reason I’m not in jail for murder is because I’m half a world away from that fucker.”

“It’s done and over with. I’d like to just…move on already.”

“You sound busy. What’re you up to?”

“Cooking dinner.”

“Mm…whatcha making?”

“Pasta.”

“…wait…you’re cooking. And it’s pasta. You met a dude, didn’t you?”

Addy gave her phone a ‘what the fuck’ look, “and just why the _hell_ did that make you come to that particular conclusion?”

“Pasta…romantic dinner…sex…? Don’t these things all go hand-in-hand?”

“Uh, no. No they don’t. Well, not tonight they don’t. Yes, I met a guy. _No_ , it’s not romantic. Yes, I’m cooking for us both. He’s my new neighbor and he’s a very nice gentleman. He helped me move in and then even ordered take-out last night for us.”

“…and what part of this doesn’t scream, _‘he wants in your panties?’_ ”

“Would you get your damned mind out of the fucking gutter!?”

Jax snickered, “ooh, I touched the nerve there!”

“More than one and I _can_ hurt you.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

“I should go so I can actually cook.”

“Okay, love you sis.”

“Love you too, Jax.”

“Hey…whatever you need, call me. Okay? I’m here. One hundred percent and then some.”

Addy smiled and leaned on the counter, “all right. I’ll do that.”

“Bye, Addy.”

“Bye, Jax.”

She hung up and fought to keep her tears at bay. Spinning away, she moved to fill her pasta pot with water. Cooking would make her forget about the hard pill she had to swallow and walk away from. She was just finishing up a white wine cream sauce and pouring it over the cooked pasta when two knocks preceded her door opening. She glanced up as Cullen led Pup inside.

“Just in time! Dinner’s just about done. Just need to chop up some veggies for a salad.”

Cullen sniffed the air as he walked over, “that smells amazing.”

“I’m glad! That means I did it right.”

Cullen turned and held his hand up, “Pup, heel. Door.”

Pup stopped walking and turned around and walked to the door. Pup turned around and watched Cullen, waiting for the next command. Addy watched on in stunned silence. She’d never seen such a well-trained dog.

“Sit,” Cullen spoke and Pup did as told. “Good boy. Stand guard like the good little war hound you are.”

Pup wagged his nubby tail and hunkered down; one ear cocked back toward the door.

“Wow. Now that’s impressive.”

“He’s a very attentive learner,” Cullen shrugged.

“Mav’s dog is well-trained but he _still_ jumps up in excitement at seeing me.”

“Pup knows the rewards come when he behaves and listens. If he’s good all week, Friday night is movie on the couch night. He gets to lay on the couch all night.”

“Aw, that’s cute.”

Cullen moved into the kitchen and began washing his hands. “So, veggies for salad? Where do you keep your knives?”

“…you don’t have to help, Cullen. I invited you as—”

“I don’t eat for free. If I don’t help with _something_ , then I don’t deserve to eat. It’s just the way I do things.”

Addy bit back a smile, “top drawer to the left of the fridge. Carrots, celery, cucumber, and lettuce head are in the drawers of the fridge. Cherry tomatoes are in there too.”

Cullen nodded and set to work. He had the items laid out and found her cutting board easily. The salad was chopped and placed in a large bowl in no time. They moved the dishes to the table. Addy went back and retrieved two of the only unbroken dishes. She had to replace them. She’d just forgotten to get that done today. She set the plates down as Cullen found her silverware. They danced around each other like they’d cooked and eaten together hundreds of times before. Addy mused at how easily they just…fell into sync with one another. She honestly felt like she’d known him for years rather than a day and some odd amount of hours. They sat and dished up, eating in companionable silence.

“So, you say you work at a security company? What do you do there?”

“I handle the physical security aspect. Between hiring and training both security guards for smaller companies up to actual body-guards for larger companies and those in the nobility class.”

“That sounds really cool,” Addy raised her brows in fascination.

“Most of the them are fairly green and unimpressive. There’s a few very well trained already, though. We have a qunari who certainly is no stranger to brute force. He, along with his crew of former mercenaries are quite good. They have their own way of doing things and honestly, I’m finding that doesn’t mean they’re ill disciplined. Quite opposite really. Then we have a sniper who is the most infuriating elf. She loves to play practical jokes and cause mayhem. If she weren’t such a bloody good shot—uh, I’m…babbling aren’t I?”

Addy was grinning, chin in her hand. “Yes, but it’s all really neat to listen to. You work with actual, civilian militia like people? That…wow. That makes working in an art gallery sound so dull.”

Cullen frowned, “I hardly think that your work could be dull. My job is just busy. I spend most of it behind a desk, handling reports, progress ratings, background checks, and assignments for placement.”

“But you basically lead a small army, from the sounds of it.”

“I—er—suppose that’s almost accurate in a way,” he shrugged, “it’s not as glorious as it sounds. Not like I’m going to equip them in armor, march them across Thedas, and destroy some ancient being for the greater good the world.”

Addy felt a zing race through her chest. Her heart began to beat faster. She couldn’t place why that statement struck her as…fearful. Cullen also looked momentarily shocked. Addy cleared her throat, “hey, the year isn’t over yet…”

Her joke trailed off as she realized it didn’t seem that funny. Cullen smiled at her anyway, “yeah. Always next year…”

They ate in a bit less comfortable quiet. Pup made a chuffing bark and turned toward the door. Cullen looked over. He frowned and set his fork down as Addy did as well. Pup jumped up and barked once with a low growl.

“Someone’s at the door,” Cullen spoke softly, not turning from facing the door as he glanced at her.

Addy stood slowly and moved to the kitchen. She slid out a couple of steak knives and ignored the raised brow from Cullen. The doorbell rang and Addy crossed her apartment. She slid the knives discretely behind her back as she answered it.

“Ah, delivery for a Lady Addeline?”

Addy smiled politely while her hands gripped the knife handles tighter, “oh? And what is this delivery?”

The man moved a box closer to her, “this here.”

Addy eyed the box and when she saw the address on it, she relaxed. “Thank you, just a moment?”

“Uh, sure.”

Addy shut the door and set the knives aside before opening the door and taking the box. She signed for it and closed the door. She then retrieved a knife and sliced the box open. When she looked inside, she burst into a fit of laughter that had tears pouring down her face.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What could it be??


	3. Invitation

**Chapter Three** **  
Invitation**

To say Cullen was confused was an understatement. Addy went from defensive, fight-mode intensity to doubling over with laughter. He wasn’t sure what to say or even do at this point. So he remained seated and waited for Addy to regain herself. She finally did, wiping at the tears of mirth that had left little dark lines of makeup down her cheeks. Her feet carried her back over to the table where she sat across from him again with the box by her feet. She reached inside and pulled out a smaller box. Addy turned and set the box on the table with a chortle.

Cullen’s eyes moved to the box. His brows rose. “Is that—?”

“A chia pet!” Addy burst with another giggle, “I’ve been looking for this one specifically for _years_! Do you recognize who it is?” She turned the box to face him.

Cullen looked back at the box; specifically the head of the chia pet. Then he frowned as he leaned forward to make sure he was seeing it correctly. “King Alistair?”

Addy’s response was a cackle that made him actually chuckle a bit himself. She kicked her feet as she grabbed her belly, “King Alistair!! With a green afro!! Ahahaha!!”

“All right, admittedly, that is rather hilarious to think about. Who sent this to you?”

“Ah…” Addy calmed a bit, wiping more tears of mirth from her face, “Mav. My close friend. The one who lives in the city. She found it, _finally_. This is just what I needed tonight.”

Cullen snorted. He took another bite of his dinner. Addy settled back in as well. Every so often she’d giggle quietly. Cullen was finding himself truly enjoying those little absurd giggles. When they finished, they cleared the table and Cullen helped her wash the few dishes. When that was finished, he knew he needed to excuse himself. From the looks of it, Addy was exhausted.

“Thank you for dinner, it was very delicious.”

“Any time. I hate eating alone. I have a big family so dinner was never a lonely or quiet affair.” Addy lifted one shoulder and dropped it.

“Same here. It’s…comforting to eat with another.”

“Well, unless you have a girlfriend over, what do you say to having a dinner pact?”

Cullen blinked before he grinned, “that’s not a bad idea. So, unless you have a boyfriend over, dinner’s on me the next two nights. You’ve treated me twice now.”

“Deal.”

“Agreed.”

Cullen walked to the door with Addy, he pat his thigh and Pup jumped up and trotted over. Addy leaned against the wall beside the door.

“Hey, um…the knocking on the wall thing didn’t like…bother you, did it?”

Cullen chuckled then, “not at all. It took me by surprise at first, hence my delay to respond.”

She snorted, “what? Think you were suddenly haunted by a ghost?”

“You never know around here. I hear one of the older ladies downstairs died of a heart attack last year…”

“Are you trying to scare me?!”

“That depends, is it working?” Cullen knew he was grinning like a fool.

“No!” Addy laughed out, shoving his arm lightly.

“Just making sure…” he held his hands up with a snicker of his own. “Goodnight, Addy.”

“’Night Cul.”

He felt his smile grow at the little pet-name. He could definitely live with that. He opened the door and stepped out; Pup on his heel. Addy closed the door slowly. He returned to his own home. Tucked his shoes into their proper place before he went to take a shower. He tugged on clean boxer briefs and snagged his laptop to continue working on some of his guard assignments he still needed to finish processing. It was sometime close to ten pm when he heard the rhythmic knocking. Smirking to himself, he reached up and knocked back twice without hesitating. He chuckled softly and shook his head. Addy was cute. That was a fact that was inescapable.

…

“All right. Spill.”

Cullen looked up from his computer at his desk. Cass stood in his doorway with a quirked brow. He leaned back, “spill what?”

“You’ve been _humming_. A lot. For two weeks straight. There are even bets being placed upon _why_. Do you even wish to know what they are saying?”

Cullen rolled his eyes, “not really. What’s your wager?”

Cass huffed and looked insulted before she deflated, “thirty sovereigns that you’ve met a woman.”

Cullen crossed his arms, “oh? Well, yes. I have. But no, it’s not what _any_ of you think. My next-door neighbor is a good friend. We simply hang out often since we’re both living alone.”

“That’s it?!”

“…yes. That’s it. Why should there have to be more?”

“Is she ugly then?”

“What? Maker, Cass! No! She’s quite lovely, actually.”

“…are you suddenly interested in men, then?”

“CASS!!”

“Then why have you not made a move?!”

Cullen growled, dragging his hands down his face in aggravation. “This is not happening…”

“Oh, it certainly is…”

Cullen sank more in his seat as Leliana’s lilting Orlesian accent floated into his office. “Why is it anyone’s concern what I do in my spare time?!”

“Because you’ve been increasingly _happy_ lately. Is that so horrible of a notion?”

Cullen jumped up and nearly forgot that he didn’t have to salute any longer as the big boss walked in. Bromley Trevelyan, second eldest son to Bann Trevelyan of Ostwick, leaned in the doorframe with an amused look. He held a hand up toward Cullen.

“At ease, soldier…”

Cullen sighed and relaxed his stance a bit, “it’s really nothing. Just friendship.”

Bromley nodded before he looked to be fighting back a smirk, “if it’s just friendship…then why didn’t you hum when we became friends?”

Opening his mouth like a fish, Cullen struggled to find an answer. Leliana turned and giggled into her hand; much to Cullen’s horror. “It’s…you’re not…I mean…”

“You do not have breasts,” Cass supplied, oh-so-unhelpfully. Cullen glared at her. He would get her back. _Somehow_.

“Ah…so that’s what it is,” Bromley nodded as though he’d been given sagely advice. “In that case, I suppose I should hum whenever around you from now on, Lady Cassandra.”

Cass blushed and shot Bromley a very dirty look, “don’t flatter yourself.” She turned on her heel and marched away.

Cullen wasn’t sure if he should laugh or just sit the hell back down. He glanced at the clock; he only had five minutes until he was off the clock. Bromley cleared his throat, gaining Cullen’s attention back.

“Go ahead and head out, Commander. There’s nothing more here for you today. And no more working from home for a week. Understood? You’re _too_ devoted to this job.”

Wanting to protest, Cullen bit his tongue and nodded curtly, “yes, sir.”

“Have a good weekend, Cullen,” Bromley turned in the doorway. He and Leliana picked up whatever business they’d been discussing before they’d come in to tease their favorite commander.

Cullen packed up his belongings for the weekend and headed out. It was his turn to take care of dinner again. He pulled his cell out and shot Addy a text about what she was hungry for. He was a bit surprised at how fast she replied.

_Burgers. Fried ANTHING. Vanilla milkshake. PLEASE._

He tapped out a reply, _Everything okay?_

_Yes? No? Maybe? Complicated._

He sighed and pocketed his phone. He’d get more out of her later. He drove to the best, greasy burger joint between work and home. From the tone of Addy’s texts, he’d be ordering a _lot_. He put in the order for two chicken burgers, two double cheeseburger deluxe, two bacon cheeseburger deluxe, large fries, large mozzarella cheese sticks, large onion rings, and two milkshakes. One vanilla, one chocolate. Once he had the food in hand, he drove home. He’d no more than gotten his shoes off before the door opened behind him. He turned as the red-haired woman from next door moved over to his couch and flopped. She was wearing sweatpants that hung a little low on her hips, a tank top that was peeking out from under a zippered hoodie. He kicked the door shut and headed for the kitchen to drop the bags down.

“Bad day?”

No response.

Cullen turned. She had her arm draped over her face. He moved toward the couch. He was about to reach over to lightly tug on her messy bun when he heard the muffled sobs. He rounded the couch, picked up her feet and laid them over his lap.

“Hey…Addy…talk to me?”

She sniffled and swallowed thickly. “S—sorry…I’m…I’m trying to g—get ahold of myself.”

“Take your time.”

She nodded. He sat back and leaned his head back to stare at the ceiling until she was ready to talk.

“He’s going to marry her…”

Cullen frowned, looking down at her, “hm?”

“ _He_ ’s going to marry _her,”_ she replied weakly. Her voice quivered with emotion. “I _hate_ him. I _hate her_. It shouldn’t still hurt. I was _done with this!!”_

An anger rose in him. Who hurt her? He was going to hurt them back. All he needed was a name and—he had to kick himself mentally. He took a calming breath. “Can I ask who?”

“…my fiancé.”

Cullen’s heart felt like he’d been stabbed. She had a fiancé? But wait…she’d just said he was marrying a ‘ _her_.’

“He’s part of why I had to leave the army. I’m the youngest of five in a very…old-world _family_ ,” she practically spat the word out as if it were venomous, “I was to be wed off to a prominent man. At the time, I didn’t mind. I had a _huge_ crush on him since we were teenagers. Then…then he…he fucked her. _On our bed._ I _found_ them. And even then…my _family_ , my _mother and father_ , told me it didn’t matter! Like I was supposed to just…marry him anyway! I was just supposed to marry an unfaithful bastard so that I could become his goddamned breeding mare! My boss at my old gallery told me that loveless marriage is just that. A marriage. It’s normal and honestly, I was _lucky_ to have it. So I cut ties with everyone but my closest brother and ran away. I took all of _my_ earned money and came here. Mav helped me get settled here.

And now…you know. You know why I’m such a fucking mess. Why I’m so goddamn lonely and pathetic. Why I’m…ugh!”

“…what kind of a fucking moron cheats on _you_?”

Addy laughed, bitterly and wetly. She moved her arms to scrub angrily at her tearstained face, “him, apparently.”

Cullen sighed, “well. That settles it.”

Addy lifted her head to look at him curiously, “what settles what?”

“We need beer and pizza too.”

Addy blinked before she laughed. A truer to herself sound. She sat up, scooting back a bit. “Can you call?”

“You bet. What do you want on the pizza?”

“Extra cheese?” She asked as though he’d ever deny her anything.

“Stuffed crust too?” He asked with a knowing look. He chuckled as her face lit up and she nodded enthusiastically.

She tucked her feet back to her side of the couch as he rose. He moved to call the pizza delivery place. As he spoke over the phone, he watched Addy as she murmured to Pup who sat beside her. The dog ate up the attention without abandon. He snagged the bags of food and drink carrier with milkshakes once finished on the phone. He shook the bags at Addy with a smirk. She smiled brightly and held her hands out toward him. He gave her a bag, repeating to her what he ordered. She dug in and snagged a bacon cheeseburger. He was happy to see her joy. Anything was better than the broken, painful way she’d looked and sounded just minutes before. She was meant to smile; laugh and tease. It made him desire to destroy the man who hurt her. Cullen turned and retrieved the beer he had thought to pick up the other day and brought the six pack over.

Addy took one from the pack and twisted the bottle cap off. Three large swigs went down before she paused and took a deep breath. She snorted derisively as she buried her free hand in her hair. “You should have a girlfriend by now, Cul. What are you doing entertaining some pathetic, broken little girl who can’t even hold down a relationship?”

Cullen sank onto the couch beside her, “I don’t have a girlfriend because the woman I _was_ in a relationship ran off with another man while I was deployed. So, no girlfriend. As for what I’m doing? I’m spending time with my friend who seems to need a comforting shoulder to lean on. I always have time for my friends, Addy.”

Addy looked at him with an unreadable expression. Her half-devoured cheeseburger was forgotten in her hand. She smiled then; a small, sad one. “What did I do to deserve such a good friend?”

“You were yourself.”

The doorbell chimed and Cullen rose to retrieve their pizza. When he got it back to the couch, Addy was flipping through channels on the search for something to watch. They settled on some simple action flick. Somehow they managed to eat half of all the food. Cullen’s stomach was so full he felt sleepy and bit bloated. The pressure on his arm made him turn his head. Addy’s cheek was smooshed against his bicep while she snored very quietly. He bit back a laugh and shifted so that his arm settled around her shoulders. He also rotated so that her head was on his upper chest while he half-cradled, half-propped her up. The movie ended and Cullen flipped through channels. He paused over the news. His jaw clenched as he listened to the reports and read the scrolling texts below. Negotiations between Tevinter and Par Vollen were falling through. How long would it take before Ferelden was drawn back into another war? Apparently the Grey Wardens were working with the royalty of the major nations to try and find a way to form a united collaboration of ruling. He snorted softly at that. Right. As though any king or queen, empress or what-not, would willingly hand over even a piece of their power.

He shut the tv off after a few more minutes. He looked down at Addy. He sat up slowly. Once he was able to shift his feet off the side of the couch, he slid her into his arms and stood. Cullen smirked. To him she wasn’t that heavy, but she wasn’t exactly a feather either. The muscle tone in her body made her heavier than the typical woman her of her size and build. He left his apartment and walked over to hers. It wasn’t hard to tuck her into bed. She rolled over and sighed instantly as he pulled her bedding over her form. Cullen softly bade her goodnight and walked back out. Closing her front door he used her keys to lock her front door. He knew she’d come ask for them in the morning. He dropped the keys in the bowl by his front door before his flicked his own lock.

The cleanup didn’t take too long, thankfully. It was a bit after eleven by the time he slid into his bed. He laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. His brain just wouldn’t let him fall asleep. His mind kept circling around like he’d missed something. He wracked his brain for what it could be and was coming up empty. Groaning in a bit of frustration, he scrubbed his stubbled face. A soft series of knocks drew a small sigh of relief from him that he hadn’t meant to give. He reached up and knocked twice back. A huge yawn split his face as he rolled over. He shook his head at himself. She’d called herself broken and pathetic. But she wasn’t the one who apparently couldn’t sleep without hearing that silly goodnight knock on her wall. She wasn’t the one who craved seeing him. She probably wasn’t humming at work and finding herself distracted by the little things and the silly, dumb jokes they shared in their time together.

No. He was the broken one. He was the one who was doomed here. Because he couldn’t even admit to himself that he was beginning to get too comfortable with his next-door neighbor. He couldn’t acknowledge the fact that lately when he wasn’t tortured by his nightmares, he was plagued by rather heated dreams about Addy. Disgusted with himself, he punched his pillow and forced himself to relax his muscles so he could sleep.

…

Cullen moving the eggs around the frying pan as coffee brewed in the pot beside him. It was just now turning to six am. He’d been up since four; unable to return to sleep. He awoke uncomfortably warm and very aroused. A fact that made him angry at himself. He’d taken a very cold shower before getting himself ready for his morning routine. As it was Saturday and he’d have no work for the day, he’d settled into his morning workout. Once that was met with a satisfactory end, he’d taken Pup for a quick walk. Now he was cooking his breakfast. It didn’t escape his notice that he’d prepared far too much for himself. He’d purposely left his front door unlocked.

Addy would be by any time for her keys. As if by magic, three knocks came before she stepped into his apartment.

“Morning…”

Cullen turned and nodded, “morning. Did you sleep all right?”

Addy paused, shrugged, and then continued forward. “Mostly.”

Cullen turned back to his task so that he didn’t burn the eggs. A strange silence weighed over them. He didn’t know what to make of it. He thought over what he could say.

“Can I help?”

He turned to see her already moving around the bar island. He pointed to the coffee, “that’s almost ready. I already got the bacon cooked. Just toast is next.”

“On it,” she spun and snagged his loaf of bread and withdrew the toaster from under the bar island’s counter. He watched her for a few more minutes before turning away. “How many slices for you?”

“Two, please.”

“Buttered, I assume.”

“Is there another way to eat toast?”

“No, but there are those who are wrong.”

“Indeed.”

This time the silence was far more comfortable between them as the sound of toast popping, knife scraping on toast, spatula shifting around pan, and coffee trickling filled the morning air.

“Thank you for everything last night, Cul. Besides Mav, you’re the only true friend I have.”

Cullen flipped the scrambled eggs and slid them into a large bowl. “You are one of my true friends as well,” he moved the bowl to the table, “and you’re welcome.”

“You know…you could easily say, _‘Addy, go get your own damn breakfast!’_ ”

“I _could_ , couldn’t I? But then that would defeat the whole purpose of enjoying your company, wouldn’t it?”

Addy giggled as she moved the small plate stacked with four slices of buttered toast to the table. “I’ve grown on you! Like a fungus!”

“More like a mold…”

“Hey!”

Cullen laughed as he retrieved two mugs and filled them both. He splashed some cream and dropped a few spoons of sugar into Addy’s before he returned to the table. They sat and began to eat their breakfast. Addy tapped her finger on the table. Her brows were furrowed in deep thought. Cullen waited; he knew she’d find what she wanted to say and blurt it out eventually. Maker, how had he come to really know and understand this woman’s small quirks in just two weeks’ time?

“We have an art gala next Saturday…”

“That sounds…busy.”

“Yes, very. But it’s to honor and showcase all of our artists, especially our newest two. It’s a very,” Addy waved her hand in the air, “highly blustered occasion. Black tie affair, you know? I—uh—was wondering if you’d be my plus-one? If I don’t show up with _someone_ , I’ll likely have to be hit on by all manners of people. Not to mention badgered by all the others about showing up to such a big event without a plus-one. It would be a _huge_ favor…”

Cullen thought on it, reclining in his chair. “I’d have to wear a tux, wouldn’t I?”

“Uh…yes?”

“Hmm…”

Addy wiggled in her seat. Cullen just _had_ to draw it out. All for the sake of teasing her. He made a show of making a few faces while she squirmed. He finally couldn’t hold it in anymore. A grin cracked free and she blinked at him before throwing a chunk of egg at him.

“You did that on purpose!”

Laughing outright now, Cullen blocked the next piece, “you have to admit, it made you worry!!”

“Yes it did, you butthead!”

“Yes, I’ll go. What time?”

“It will begin at eight pm but we need to be there by seven thirty.”

Cullen sighed, “suppose it’s time to dust off my tux…”

“Somehow, I’m having a hard time imagining you owning a tux…”

“It was one of those things that I was… _instructed_ …I needed to have on hand for any special events I’d need to attend at my own workplace. Which, while we’re on that topic still, you owe _me_ a plus-one attendance to one of those events in the future.”

Addy grinned, tossing her hair over her shoulder, “of course. And I’ll have you know; I clean up _quite_ nicely.”

“For a mold.”

Addy threw an entire piece of toast at him this time and Cullen didn’t bother dodging as he was laughing too hard.

* * *


	4. Run-In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Dress inspiration:  
> https://www.venus.com/viewproduct.aspx?BRANCH=7~72~&ProductDisplayID=63771&clr=ANBK

**Chapter Four**   
**Run-In**

_Demons falling from the sky. Green tears everywhere. Chaos. Terror. Crushing hope. All of it weighing on her like a physical burden. Too many titles; too many responsibilities. All hers. All of them. Then a shift. Standing in that horrid tower of nightmares. Monsters flaying humans. Her hand held a sword; as always. She stood firm. She had to fight. She had a cause. She had a reason. But why were the others like her turning red? Why so much red?_

Addy woke with a gasp. She sat bolt-upright in bed. Sweat clung to her skin as the remnants of her nightmare faded until she couldn’t remember _why_ it terrified her so much. Shaking off the lingering chill over her flesh, Addy threw her covers off. She showered and shaved. Once she was smooth as a baby seal, she turned off the shower. She didn’t usually do _too_ much in primping. She _hated_ it. Her mother had demanded she stick to a strict skin treatment regimen. Her makeup was to always be perfection. If it didn’t take her an entire thirty minutes just for makeup; she was not doing it properly. Clenching her teeth, she dried off and then begrudgingly rubbed her moisturizing lotion onto her legs and arms.

From what she knew of tonight, most of the patrons to the gallery would be there. Addy felt like a walking bundle of nerves. She’d been busy most nights the entire week. So busy, in fact, that she had to skip several meals with Cullen in order to work on the exhibits for the gala. Now it had arrived. Saturday. It was early enough in the morning, but she knew she had a few more items to attend to. She got dressed in a nice pantsuit outfit before she got herself ready to go. Luckily, the gallery would be closed up until an hour before the gala. So she didn’t need to worry about heels and makeup just yet. Tossing her pouch-purse over her shoulder, she hustled for the front door. She nearly kicked a bag over that was sitting right before her door. Bending over, Addy plucked the bag up and read the note taped to the front.

_‘Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. No more skipping it. – C’_

Addy couldn’t stop the shit-eating grin that grew over her lips. She took only a few seconds to lock up. She dug into the bag as she walked. A muffin, a little cheese cube and apple slices pack, and an orange juice were nestled within. A happy hum came from her as she withdrew her breakfast and nibbled in on her walk. She was nearly finished with it all when she reached the gallery. The appreciation for that simple, sweet gesture of breakfast only grew as the morning turned into afternoon. She’d actually needed that bit of protein, carbs, and sugar to get her through what she needed to finish doing before the gala. All three women were all over the place; making sure everything would go off lovely. It was nearing four in the afternoon when they parted from the gallery to go home and get ready.

Stumbling through her door, Addy nearly threw her clothing off in order to make a bee-line for the shower. She had sweat through her suit. The silver lining was she hadn’t worn makeup. Maker, why did she have to forget how much actual physical work went into getting the exhibits set up? Hanging those heavy lights wasn’t necessarily _easy_. Even with the hired help. She was thankful the hired hands were able to do quite a bit. But still, she’d been up and down ladders so many times she lost count. After her shower, she went directly to work on getting her hair dried. Her hair naturally curled with elongated waves. Mav always teased her about having the best vixen hair without even trying. Addy used the curls to her advantage. She rolled them up and pinned them in place around the back of her head and neckline into almost rose-like shapes. She framed her face with several long strands. Once her hair was to her liking, she sprayed it to hold. Next was deodorant, a very light perfume as she hated most of the types of scents out there, and teeth brushed. Then it was on to the makeup. Although she didn’t take thirty minutes, she _did_ take an entire twenty minutes to make sure she’d done a good enough job on it.

She padded out in only her tower to her bedroom. She snagged her burgundy lace garter belt, undies, and matching bra. She would _not_ have an accidental stocking slip fiasco tonight. She slid the garter belt on first then her undies over. Unlike all the movies that showed the garter belt over the sexy panties, Addy knew better. A lady wore her garter belt _under_ her panties. If a lady needed to use the facilities, it wouldn’t do to have to undo the garter, possibly run the nylons in the process, and goodness only knew what else? She then got her bra in place. It was a bit uncomfortable with the stiff underwire shoving her breasts up. She wasn’t exactly _small_ in the chest but a little push never hurt when dressing up. She then sat down with her black nylon stockings. She didn’t wear pantyhose. Those fucking things were so damned finicky and hard to wear without incident. The clasps secured the stockings in place and she smoothed her hands down her legs with a satisfied nod. Then to the closet. Throwing it open, she scanned for just the right dress for tonight. She had several for events such as this.

Her hands trailed over the various gowns until she spotted a black one nearly all the way to the right. She pulled it out and decided it was the one. It slid onto her snugly; like a perfectly fitted glove. *The front of the gown was open wide across her breasts with a strap that looped around her neck and then dropped directly down between her breasts to fasten to the dress. The sides of the dress that hugged her breasts were fringed with a lacy material. The back and arms were completely see-through black lace until her lower back with the zipper being the only break in the lace. Then the rest of the dress was black and dropped to her knees where it flared out just under her knees. Her burgundy bra was just _barely_ out of sight. She knelt to dig through a small closer organizer with drawers. She dug out her fashion tape. Placing a few strategic pieces of strong, double-sided tape between the edge of the dress and her breasts; she assumed that would just have to do.

Tossing the tape back in the drawer, Addy snagged a pair of burgundy wedge, sandal heels. They would compliment the black very nicely. She slipped them on and then moved to inspect herself in the floor length mirror on the back of her door. Damn. She felt _hot_. With a giggle at her silliness, she snagged a shawl that matched her heels and consequently, her undergarments as well. Lastly, she tucked a sparkling black clutch with her phone, keys, cards, ID, and phone under her left arm. A glance at the clock told her it was damn near seven already. Cursing, she rushed for the door. She locked up and walked to Cullen’s door. She knocked her usual three raps. It didn’t even take a full minute before Cullen was opening the door.

Addy found herself suddenly being unable to breathe. Cullen stood in a full suit. It fit him _very well_. His well-defined body was practically being handed to her on a silver platter for her feast on visually. His muscles weren’t hidden under the fitted black fabric. The pants and jacket were both jet black, his shirt a crisp white, but his vest and tie were burgundy. _Like the shade of her fucking underwear, **burgundy**. _A violent blush swept over her face at the realization. She swallowed and cleared her throat.

Cullen seemed completely frozen. He hadn’t spoken or moved from the exact position he’d been in when he opened his door. Addy’s brow creased a little as she shifted her weight. Was there something wrong? Was it her dress? Did she look…too whore-ish? Oh Maker! Did she pick the wrong dress? He inhaled sharply suddenly, making her anxiety flare.

“That—er—you look…nice.”

Addy blinked at him a few times. Disappointment settled in her gut. He didn’t sound happy. “It’s one of the few dresses I wear from time to time for events like these,” she shrugged, trying to brush off the pang of sadness that rushed her. “Well, shall we?”

“Uh, yes. Right. Let’s.” Cullen called back to Pup and then locked up. They rode the elevator down, at Cullen’s insistence. They stepped into the lobby. “Should we take my car?”

“It’s only a few blocks,” Addy waved her hands. “I chose easy-to-walk-in heels tonight.”

“All right, after you, my Lady.”

Addy tried not to correct him. The sting of the title was something he didn’t know affected her. He had no way of knowing how insulting that stupid word really was. She’d not shared _all_ of her past with him. She smiled thinly and started ahead. In her haste to get going, she missed the disheartened frown Cullen made before he followed her out onto the sidewalk. The walk really didn’t take that long. They were there almost twenty minutes after seven. Wynn and Lioni were already present with their own plus-ones. As they stepped inside, Cullen faltered beside her. Addy glanced at him askance.

“Sera? What are you doing here?” Cullen blurted.

A blonde elf who stood next to Lioni turned and made a rather unrefined look, “Cully? That you?”

Cullen growled softly, making Addy feel a shiver race over her spine. Whoa. He could _growl_? Fuck.

“That’s no answer, Sera!”

“I’m here with my cousin! That so terrible? Gonna drive you nuts, innit?” Sera, as she was called, giggled raucously.

Lioni sighed and elbowed her cousin, “I told you to behave tonight.”

“’ey! I’m here for _you_ , ain’t I?”

“I know you, don’t I?” Wynn asked suddenly. Addy had spotted her approach but apparently Cullen hadn’t. He snapped his attention to the older woman. He tilted his head.

“You…do look familiar.”

“Ah, yes. You were one of the Special Operations soldiers who were tasked with clearing the Kinloch tower. What was that now? Eleven years ago?”

Cullen looked like he’d lost color, “r—right. Yes.”

Wynn smiled warmly, “we owe everything tonight to our lovely Addy here. She’s worked so hard to make this gallery shine tonight. I really hope you two enjoy yourselves. Don’t be too caught up in work, Addy, dear.”

“Of course, Wynn,” Addy stashed the bit of strange exchange for later. She motioned for Cullen to follow her. Within a few minutes, guests began to filter in. All manners of patrons entered. Everyone was dressed to kill. Addy meandered about with Cullen. She pointed out a few pieces and told him about the artists and their stories. Cullen seemed actually interested; which was a bit of a surprise to her. Most people would just nod and pretend to care when she’d get nerdy about art.

“Addeline, darling!”

Addy turned and smiled as warmly as she could at the approaching woman. A lovely creature with dark skin, draped in a tight, white, Orlesian fashioned gown that was shimmering in every facet of light, approached her. Addy allowed her to do the Orlesian cheek-kiss greeting. “Madame de Fer. What a pleasure to see you this evening. I’m glad you made it.”

“Of course I did, darling. I must ensure dear Bastien’s donations are being used appropriately,” Madame de Fer stated in that saccharine way Orlesian nobles spoke. It was obvious she meant it as a possible threat.

“I hope tonight pleases your Duke, Madame de Fer,” Addy replied diplomatically.

“I assure you that so far…it has. I do look forward to viewing the newest exhibits.”

“Well then, by all means, allow me to step aside so that you can truly appreciate the beautiful pieces upon display this evening.”

“Such a dear! Don’t let this one go, dear boy,” Madam de Fer spoke to Cullen before she practically glided away to hunt down another to speak to.

Cullen turned to her, “is she always so… _Orlesian_?”

Addy snorted, unable to stop the unlady-like sound. She composed herself quickly, “yes. Madame Vivienne de Fer is the mistress of Duke Bastien de Ghislain. She and Duchess de Ghislain are actually good friends too. The Duke would do _anything_ to please his lover. So he funded a great many additions and upgrades to the gallery.”

“…adding this to my list of reason to hate Orlais.”

“Which part?”

“Keeping a mistress while still wed to another. Disgusting.”

“When people marry for money rather than love, they do the stupidest things for happiness…” Addy sighed. “It’s rare for nobility to marry for love. And when they do…it’s practically sneered at behind their backs.”

Cullen was looking at her oddly. Addy cleared her throat, trying to dispel the suddenly heavy atmosphere. They mingled here or there. Several ladies commented on Cullen’s attractiveness or broad shoulders. Addy studiously ignored any leering glances from any of the men present. It was a well-known fact that many nobleman or rich men liked to…ply their _charms_ upon any woman they deemed attractive enough to warrant warming their beds. Wife or no wife. After a while, Addy began to grow a bit crowd-weary and noted a while ago that Cullen seemed far less at ease than she was. She snagged a couple of champagne flutes and discretely shuffled them away from the large crowd as the exhibits began to be spoken about by Wynn. They found a nice, quiet, little back corner of the gallery where very few people straggled about.

Cullen sighed loudly, “I had forgotten how stressful mingling can get…”

“It never eases.”

“You managed to find a quiet corner,” he mused with a small smirk.

Addy grinned before sipping her champagne and led them to a nearly hidden bench on the other side of an exhibit. She swept her hand out in a showing fashion, “ta-da! A bench.”

They both sat. After around two hours of being on her feet, even the wedge heels were beginning to hurt. She didn’t have her usual enclosed heels to hold any cushions in place so she was definitely feeling the achiness. Craving a reprieve, she kicked off her heels with a long sigh.

“I honestly don’t know how women manage to bluster about in those deadly things,” Cullen tapped her heels with the toe of his shoe. Which she just now noticed were his combat boots and _not_ the usually shiny, fancy shoes men wore with suits. That little bit made her actually gleeful.

“We suffer because—because we’re too stupid not to give into societal pressure?”

“No, I don’t think that is so. At least not most of the women _I_ know.”

“Hmm…then trying to be beautiful?”

“That I could believe. Or the thought that a woman can’t be beautiful in anything but heels. Which is bullshit. Nothing is sexier than a woman wearing a baggy t-shirt and curled on a couch with a mug of tea, cocoa, or coffee.”

Addy looked over at him. That was…surprising. Most men she knew or at least had been told about, preferred their ladies well groomed, well kept, and primped. Suddenly, she felt very lacking. In a beautiful dress, sexy underthings, and all the primping…she felt insecure and inadequate in his eyes. Turning away, she sipped her beverage a bit more morosely. No wonder he’d looked at her oddly this evening. What was she thinking? That a man as amazing as Cullen could actually find _her_ attractive? She was a friend to him. Nothing more. Maybe even like a sister. Just as she was releasing a sigh, a horrendously familiar voice broke the quiet.

“Addeline?

Addy’s jaw clenched but she watched as Cullen stiffened into stone. Standing up, Addy turned around and glared daggers upon the woman standing just a few feet away.

“Solona.”

“It _is_ you,” Solona spoke smoothly. Her black hair was pinned back in perfection; her makeup flawless. And her dress was simply stunning on her figure. Addy hated her all the more. “I’d heard you’d gotten a new job and ran away to a different city. I never dreamed you’d come here to the city of Haven…”

“What do you want?” Addy spat; feeling ever like a cat watching a serpent coiling for the strike.

“I just came for the art show. No need to get so…testy. Honestly, Nate said you had a temper. I didn’t _want_ to believe my childhood _friend_ could be so…volatile.”

“Volatile?!”

Solona chuckled and turned toward Cullen. Her face suddenly drained of color and her features turned to glass. “C—Cullen? W—what are you doing here?”

Addy felt her heart sink. She looked toward him slowly and found he was staring at Solona as though he were seeing a ghost.

“What are you doing _here_ , Cullen? And with this little…trollop? I thought you _hated_ nobles! So why are you _here_ with _this noble bitch?”_ Solona asked, a hint of hysteria in her voice.

Cullen glanced at Addy. The look he gave her made Addy’s heart go cold. She didn’t realize until that moment how much she had started to feel toward Cullen. The look of…was that disdain? It was more than she could take. Without another thought, Addy set her flute of champagne down and walked away. She paused only long enough to swipe her clutch from behind the front reception desk. Then she shouldered the doors open and began to walk home. Tears began to carve down her cheeks. In her haste to just get the fuck out of there, she’d left her shoes. So now she was walking home in the dark; in stockinged feet. She already knew the nylons were running and ripping from the rough pavement. She probably looked like a haggard mess when she stumbled into the lobby and boarded the elevator. She slammed the button for her floor and let her head thump against the wall behind her. She closed her eyes as the doors shut and tried to ignore the way her heart was breaking.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drama!! You know me. I'm a sucker for emotional drama...


	5. Unfortunate Ties

**Chapter Five** **  
Unfortunate Ties**

Addy was noble? Cullen looked at her; trying to associate her with the nobility that he had experience with. Most of the nobles he’d ever had the displeasure of dealing with, were completely selfish, disgusting, and narcissistic beings. He couldn’t quite picture Addy as one of them. He saw the shift in her expression too late. Her face went from a desperate, nearly hopeful look to a look of complete dejection. She turned so sharply and swiftly walked away. Cullen reached out to stop her only to have his movement halted.

“Just let _her_ go,” Solona sighed as though she had _any right_ to speak to him.

Anger; so poignant and raw rushed over him. He spun back and stalked forward until he had Solona backed up into a wall. She was trembling, eyes wide, and fearful surprise alight upon her once lovely face. Now he saw the nasty shrew for what she was. “ _You_ have _no_ right to speak my name, _Solona._ ”

Solona recoiled as if the way he’d spat her name had been enough to equate physically hitting her. Had he been raised by a lesser woman and man…he might have struck her. But he was better than that. Than _this_ woman. “C—Cullen…please—”

“Please what?!” He blew up, “please don’t cause a scene?! Please don’t get angry because you just insulted my _best friend_ beyond possible repair?! Noble or not, Addy is fifty times the woman you will ever even _aspire_ to be!! You are an unfaithful, backstabbing _snake!_ Don’t you _ever_ speak to me again! Do I make myself _clear?!”_

Solona was letting tears fall; trying to play the victim no doubt. Cullen gave absolutely no shits. He heard several gasps behind him and shook his head.

“I would have married you, Solona. I had the ring. Then I came home to find you gone and pictures of another man holding you. I hope karma is real. You deserve every ounce of nasty comeuppance that’s due your way and then some.”

Ignoring the scandalized whispers and watchful eyes, Cullen dropped all decorum. He literally ran from the gallery. He sprinted home; dodging people on the sidewalk as he raced along. Bursting into the lobby, he saw as the elevator slid closed. He caught a glimpse of Addy within. Cursing, he turned and threw open the emergency stairs and took them two at a time. By the time he reached the fourth floor, he was reminded of the fact that he wasn’t a green recruit with endless stamina any longer. He tossed the door open and stepped into the hallway, already breathing heavily. Addy was at her door, pushing it open. He rushed forward just as the door shut.

“Addy!” He half-collapsed against her door. His forehead pressed to the cool wooden surface as he fought to catch his breath. “A—Addy…”

“You don’t have to say anything,” her voice was muffled through the door. “I get it.”

“Wh—what? What…do you get?”

“Nobles disgust you. I’m noble. I got it. I don’t even blame you. Just…never mind. Goodnight, Cullen.”

Cullen shook his head, leaning his left forearm against the door just above his head, “no. No, Addy. I—” he wracked his brain and suddenly an idea formed. “I’m making tea next door. If you…if you want to talk or to at least…have some company…I’ll stay up until midnight…”

He slid back. Had he been able to see through the door he would have seen Addy pressing her back against it. Her head leaning back right below where he’d had his forehead pressed. His feet carried him to his apartment. He kicked his boots off, placing them where they belonged. He shrugged out of his jacket, vest, and tie. He filled and placed the kettle on the stove. His hands were halfway down the buttons on his shirt when he barely caught the sound of three little knocks before Addy slid into his apartment. He froze in place, just watching her closely. She shuffled over to the couch and curled up. Her hair was disheveled; long pieces obscuring her face from him. Her nylons, from what he’d been able to see, were ruined. He wasn’t expecting to hear what she had to say next.

“The Amell family and mine were friends for a long time. I grew up with Solona. We _used_ to be friends. When I was to re-enlist, my parents called me home. I refused. So they…they paid off several of my higher ups to kick me out. Honorably, of course. Can’t have any form of dishonor to reflect on the precious, fucking family, now can we? So I _had_ to come home. I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I was still young and stupid and full of ideals that were…idiotic. They called me home because they’d arranged my marriage. To Nathan Howe. I’d had a crush on him since I was a little girl, so I…I was actually happy. I was stupid enough to move in with him. I gave him everything; my virginity, my heart, my bank account…” Addy snorted in derision at herself.

“Then I found them in _our_ bed. Fucking. And they _knew_ I saw. In fact, they both just…kept going. Like I wasn’t standing right there, shocked and hurting. Then I found out that Solona was in a relationship with a deployed soldier. I hated her ever more because of that. I wanted to hurt them. Both of them. So badly. Then when most of my family and even my boss tried to tell me to get over it? That most marriages were loveless and infidelity wasn’t something new or shocking? I had to get the fuck away. It took me three months to get my affairs in order. To compile _my_ money and not my _family’s_ to get away. And then I ran here because Mav was here. So yes…I’m noble-born. Yes, I come from a very wealthy family. But I _hate_ every piece of that life. Almost as much as I hate looking in the mirror.”

She waved her hand as though to say, _‘do with that whatever you please.’_ Cullen was completely speechless. His heart was racing and his blood was ice. The joints on his fingers ached from how hard he was tensing his entire body; stuck where they’d stopped in the process of removing his dress-shirt. His eyes were focused glassily at the floor as he processed everything she said. He heard her laugh bitterly. The sound jolted him as he looked up; still like a deer caught in headlights. Addy was rising from the couch, shaking her head.

“See? You still can’t even _look_ at me! The worst part is…I don’t even blame you! I’m—god, I’m sorry and I’m just going to go. This is…I fucking can’t.”

Cullen choked on his tongue. A strangled, “no,” was all he managed to halt her progression toward the door. She didn’t turn around. He finally forced himself to speak through the thickness in his throat. “I—I’m that soldier…”

Addy turned slowly, frowning in confusion. Her face finally visible. The makeup was running down her cheeks as her lips trembled with the effort to contain her emotions. “I—I don’t—”

“The deployed soldier? The one Solona cheated on? Th—that’s _me_ , Addy. Maker, I didn’t…I never…”

Addy stared at him for a very uncomfortable time before she raised a hand to her mouth, covering her lips. Her eyes went large like his. Neither thought about the kettle. The shrilling reminded them of its placement as it screamed suddenly. Addy jumped and Cullen winced before quickly darting to remove it from the stovetop. He was still trying to absorb everything he’d just had revealed to him.

“What the fuck?” Addy spoke, the words muffled by her hand.

He sighed, turning around and leaning back against the counter. “What are the chances?”

“So then…you…just found out not…not long ago?”

“Yeah…” he lifted a hand to rake through his curls, unsettling their styled state. “You…you actually had to _see_ them? In the act? What—fuck.”

Addy wrapped her arms around herself, “I can see why you’d hate nobles so much then.”

“What happened tonight? You looked at me and then…you fled. I don’t—”

“You looked at me as though I disgusted you! What else was I supposed to do? Stand there and pretend it didn’t make me want to cry?”

Cullen felt guilt slam into him, “oh, Addy, no…I—I didn’t…I swear that’s not what I was thinking. I was trying to figure out how the hell _you_ could be a noble. You’re nothing like most of the other nobles I’ve had to deal with…there are _good_ nobles. But most of them are…well,” he sighed again.

“Selfish, thoughtless, cantankerous, villainous fiends hell-bent upon using their so-called ‘lessers’ to climb ever higher into their thrones of debauchery and greed?” Addy supplied miserably.

“…well, yes, actually. But you’re not like that.”

“That’s because _I left it._ I wanted _nothing_ to do with that life! I joined the army to _escape_ that shitty existence! Jax took a job that had him placed on the farthest border of the Anderfells! He couldn’t stand the shit either! That, and, he _really_ didn’t want to force himself to be something he wasn’t in order to marry well.” Addy began to pace the short distance between the end of the couch and the entry closet.

Cullen set aside his own shock and moved to her. He gently pulled her to a still, “Addy…I am _sorry_ for anything I did to make you feel betrayed or hurt by me. I didn’t intend it that way. Ever. You are my _best friend_. Maker only knows how you’ve gotten to be the person I trust the most in such a short time…but I do. And I…I _hate_ that you are _hurting_. Especially because of me. Can I beg for your forgiveness?”

Addy looked up at him through renewed tears. She jumped up and hugged him. He quickly returned the embrace without a second thought. He held her tightly against him. He noted she was on the tips of her toes and he bent to accommodate her better. He felt the warmth of her tears on his neck and shoulder. Anger at himself lanced his heart. He did this. It may have only been in part. But he contributed to these sobs. His eyes closed as he inhaled deeply.

“I’m never going to let you feel this kind of hurt again…”

Addy sniffled and shifted a bit closer to him. He meant every word with every piece of his soul. Whatever it took, Cullen would protect Addy. She was his best friend and he would be damned if he let her feel this level of heartbreak again. If he had to literally break kneecaps to keep her heart safe, he’d do it. Without question or second thought.

“I think I’d like that cup of tea now,” Addy mumbled into his neck. They separated and he smiled the best he could at the moment.

“Of course, what kind would you like?”

“Chamomile?”

“I’ll go get that steeping now.”

Addy nodded and wiped her face. Her feet carried her back to the couch where she curled up again. Cullen filled a mug with steaming water and dropped the teabag into it. He walked it over to her and held it out. She took it with a tiny smile. He sat down beside her and was rewarded with her shifting to snuggle into his side. He wrapped his arm around her smaller frame. They didn’t need to talk; so they didn’t. She eventually drained her mug of tea before setting the cup aside. Pup snoozed on his doggy bed nearby.

“I left my shoes.”

A few seconds passed after she spoke before they both started to snicker.

“Yes, you did. I can’t believe you actually walked all the way back here in nothing but stockinged feet.”

Addy’s shrug made his side shift with her, “feet are feet.”

“What are the chances we’d be connected all along?” Cullen sighed, highly unamused by the way they happened to be intertwined.

“Small world?”

“It’s not _that_ small.”

Addy nodded in agreement. A yawn broke free from her, “I should head to bed…”

“Of course,” Cullen shifted to let her up. “Addy?”

“Hm?” She turned to regard him after standing and stretching.

“Are we…are we okay? I didn’t—I don’t want to lose this.”

Addy’s smile at him made his heart skip a beat. It was gentle; sweet. She stepped closer and bent to kiss his forehead, “we’re golden. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

It took everything in his will-power not to reach out and pull her down into his lap. The urge to kiss her was so strong, it scared him. He nodded and instead watched her turn and walk away. She turned at the door and wagged her fingers in a goodbye wave. Then she slipped out and shut his door. He flopped back against the couch, covering his face with both hands.

“God damnit, Rutherford…you’re so fucking screwed.”

He was exhausted; emotionally and mentally. Tomorrow was another off day. He rose and dragged himself to his bedroom. He peeled off the rest of his formal wear and tossed it aside to deal with in the morning. He’d have it steam-cleaned and pressed later. The chaste kiss to his forehead wouldn’t leave him. It kept swimming across his mind. A ringing sound came from the living room. He shoved some sweatpants on over his briefs and walked out. He spotted a phone half-wedged into the couch. It was only noticeable from the glow and muted, musical ringtone. Cullen dug it out and recognized it immediately. Addy’s; she must have dropped it. Cullen strode to the door and forewent a shirt or shoes. This wouldn’t take too long anyway. He knocked twice on her door. No answer. He frowned. Was she already in bed? Figuring it wouldn’t hurt, he tried her door. It swung open.

She left it unlocked? What if some stranger broke in while she was sleeping? He sighed at his overprotective streak. She was a grown-ass woman. One who was probably more than a little capable of fending for herself. He shut the door and scanned the darkened apartment. Her bedroom light was on. For some reason, it didn’t occur to him that what he was about to do was beyond stupid. He moved to her bedroom door and knocked before opening the door.

“Hey, Addy, you left your—”

Addy stood across from the door with her hands in her hair, taking it out of its fancy style. Her wide hazel eyes stared directly at him. Cullen couldn’t remember how to breathe. She was clad in undergarments that would definitely be revisiting his less-than-friendly dreams. The phone slipped from his suddenly sweaty grip and the clatter made him curse. He quickly spun away.

“M—Maker! I—I shouldn’t—I’m sorry! I didn’t think! I just—you left your phone!” Cullen took a deep breath and nodded once firmly. “I’m just going to let myself out once more.”

“S—sure…” Addy spoke so softly he nearly didn’t hear her. Something in her tone made him hesitate. He ground his jaw and turned just enough to indicate he was listening closely but not to see her fully.

“I really am sorry. I shouldn’t have barged in on you like this—”

“Cullen, you don’t have to apologize. I know you don’t find me attractive. It’s not a big deal, really.”

His jaw fell slack. No amount of propriety could keep him from turning around to face her, “not find you attractive? Where the bloody hell did you get that notion?!”

“You’re literally standing in my bedroom right now while I’m practically naked and you can hardly _look_ at me…” Addy sighed in a way that said she was frustrated with him. She put her hands on her hips and jutted her left out.

She had to be kidding. He was _trying_ to be a gentleman! Right now she was making that incredibly difficult. He ground his teeth.

“See? You don’t even have an argument!”

Cullen took five steps forward. He was right before her. She had to crane her neck back to meet his gaze levelly. “I am doing everything in my power right now not to succumb to my desire and to maintain…some form of…propriety between us! I will not risk our friendship on some meaningless sex!”

“What makes you so sure it’d be meaningless?!” Addy blurted. Her face suddenly became a mask of horror at her veiled admission.

Tapping his finger on his thigh, he weighed his potential reactions. He wanted to touch her. Maker, no, he wanted her. Period. “It wouldn’t be to me,” he finally stated quietly.

Addy’s eyes flit over his face as if searching for the lie she was certain was there. It was in her court. If she asked him to leave, he would. He could pretend this never happened. He could maintain friendly contact and distance. It wouldn’t be easy for a while, but he _could_ do it. But if she asked him to stay? Could he even think of it? Did he dare?

“It wouldn’t be for me either.”

“What do you want me do here, Addy? I’m…at a loss.”

“I want you to kiss me.”

His hand moved forward of its own accord. Addy inhaled sharply; her hazel eyes widened. His own eyes traced her tongue’s path across her lips. Heat rushed through his blood at the very sight. That was the last thread that held his control in place.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >.>  
> Don't kill me.  
> It's almost Christmas.


	6. Burning Desire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A. Happy Thanksgiving!  
> B. I didn't get to proof-read through this tonight. Busy getting that bird and pies ready!  
> C. This is definitely NSFW: Raunchy.  
> and finally D. LOVE YOU ALL AND HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!! I'm THANKFUL for all of you and your awesome reviews! They really help keep my passion for writing moving forward! So, on this day of Thanks...THANK YOU ALL!! Your support means the world to me!! <3

**Chapter Six**   
**Burning Desire**

Addy gasped softly when Cullen barely touched her exposed side. Her lips felt rather dry; so she unconsciously flicked her tongue out to wet them. Cullen’s handsome leonine eyes sharpened upon her mouth. The hand at her side slid behind her and yanked her front flush with his bare chest so quickly she nearly yelped in surprise. If it weren’t for his mouth sealing against her own, she might have. She looped her arms up around his shoulders. It didn’t take any coaxing whatsoever for him to deepen the kiss. A heady feeling began to drown her. Heat pooled into her lower belly. Cullen stooped to accommodate their height difference a bit more.

His hands were so hot on her body. The callouses didn’t bother her in the slightest as he slid his large, strong hands down her back to the curve of her backside. He cupped her ass and lifted. Her sound was muffled in their heated kiss. Her right leg hitched up and he yanked her left up, supporting her with his left hand. He backed them up into the wall beside the window. His tongue warred with hers in a desperate dance of desire. Addy moaned shamelessly as his body pinned her to the wall while his hands moved to cup her breasts. He didn’t bother trying to undo her bra. Instead he hooked the cups down under her breasts. His lips trailed to her neck. Addy threw her head back with a loud thunk.

Cullen stopped and looked up at her in concern. Addy mumbled a simple, “ow.”

“Are you all right?”

“Just a bump,” Addy sighed, wiggling her hips, “please don’t stop.”

Cullen smirked, eyes shining with mischief, “I haven’t even gotten to the good parts yet and you’re already begging me to keep going.”

“Don’t make me kick you out and dig out my vibrator instead,” she threatened with absolutely no real threat. There was no doubt in her mind that her vibrator would never compare to this man. The slick wetness between her legs was enough evidence to her want for his body.

“Now there’s an image to keep in mind…” he purred before his lips began their torturously slow descent over her neck once more. She ached for more. Just as Cullen neared her breasts, he released a teasing chuckle and worked that damnable mouth of his across her collar and then back to her neck and jaw.

Addy made a whimper of frustration; wiggling her hips. He mouth left her altogether. Just as she opened her mouth to protest the loss, his mouth closed around her right nipple. Her protest evolved into a cry of surprised pleasure. Her breathing picked up as she gripped his shoulders desperately. The man could kiss; but apparently that’s _not_ where his tongue’s talent ended. She was beginning to wonder if she was going to come just from his mouth on her breast. He released the nipple with an obscene pop before nipping his way to the left side. There he inflicted the same wonderful tongue lashing he’d given the other breast. At this point, Addy was a panting mess. She wasn’t even certain if what she kept whimpering and sighing were coherent words. Cullen pulled away and she couldn’t tell if she was relieved from the brief reprieve of damn near overstimulation…or pissed at the sudden lack of his mouth on her body.

Her world shifted then. He stood fully and lifted her from the wall he had her pinned against. They turned and she felt her mattress at her back as he lowered her. His fingers hooked into her lace panties. He licked his lips this time. Addy arched to ease the removal of her panties. Her garter was still in place. Cullen’s hands slid up her inner thighs as he knelt on the end of her bed.

“Maker…this is far better than anything I’ve imagined…”

Addy blushed at that, “y—you’ve imagined this?”

Cullen flashed her a look that said it all, “ _so many times._ ”

Feeling emboldened by the blazing heat in his eyes, Addy slowly moved her legs apart as she slid her hand over her right breast and kneaded gently. A challenge in her eyes, “tell me.”

A blush heated his cheeks but his intense staring didn’t lessen in the slightest. If anything, the way she was touching herself and opening to him was making his gaze more searing by the second. He hummed, the sound deep and rich.

“I’ve fantasized bending you over the arm of my couch and fucking you in front of the tv,” he lowered his torso as he spoke, keeping their eyes locked. His next words made his breath blow over her exposed core. Addy shivered violently as she felt her body tense in anticipation. “I’ve imagined pinning you to my shower wall and pounding you senseless under the spray. Spreading your sexy little cunt wide with my fingers while I feast upon you…”

“Mm…yes…” Addy arched as she watched him studiously while his mouth drew closer and closer. “S—show me.”

“Gladly,” he growled as his mouth sealed over her swollen sex. She made a cry she didn’t even recognize as her own voice. His tongue found her clit and began to relentlessly tease, flick, swirl, and press around. His fingers slid into her and just as he said, he spread her slowly until she was open wide. He shifted his mouth down to devour her. His other hand moved to resume the assault upon her hooded gem.

Addy’s gasps and curses filled her bedroom. She could scarcely formulate even the simplest of thoughts. Her end rushed at her without warning. She bowed and cried loudly. Cullen’s ministrations didn’t slow. She was practically gasping on her own lungs as her high was extended. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she wondered if she’d ever return from this high. Then the second wave crashed over her. Her mouth was open on a croaking gasp. Then he slowed and withdrew his fingers and tongue. He sat back, grinning as he slowly licked his fingers clean.

Addy was certain she’d died. That was the only explanation for such a boneless satisfaction such as the one she was currently swimming in. She watched him lazily clean himself before that scarred lip of his turned up in the more devious, sexy smirk she’d _ever_ seen. She moaned again just from the sight. Her body already growing wet for him again.

“You taste better than I even imagined.”

Addy licked her lips, “well, that’s one thing. What if you don’t live up to _my_ fantasies?”

His brow quirked, “and what are your fantasies, Addy?”

Addy felt her face flush. He told her his fantasies and she hadn’t dared to think he’d been interested in her. For god sake he’d been with _Solona Amell_. That woman was…fucking gorgeous. And that was almost not quite enough of a description for her looks. She swallowed thickly, turning her face away at the thought. She felt his hand on her chin, turning her face back.

“I want to know what you’ve imagined, Addy…because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Have you had the same thoughts about me? Or—”

Addy saw the self-conscious look on his face. No. The sexy, confident, commanding man who’d just made her orgasm twice with his mouth was the one she wanted back. “I’ve fantasized about you dragging me across my bed to bury your cock in me. Fuck me so hard I scream. To slam the bed on the wall so loudly that it disturbs the _other_ neighbors…”

He groaned low in his throat. He reached down and wrapped his hands around her calves. Her breath hitched as he did, in fact, drag her across her bed toward him. He palmed her thighs, leaning over her. “Are you sure about this?”

“Oh my god, you seriously aren’t asking me _right now_ if I want to do this?!”

“I want to make absolutely sure.”

“Cullen, I swear to whatever fucking entity is in the heavens…if you don’t take your damn pants off and screw my brains out…I’m _going_ to shoot you.”

“If I ever start to hurt you, _tell me_.”

“Deal.”

Cullen shoved his sweats and briefs down. He kicked them off and then shifted so that the thick head of his cock was pressing against her entrance. Addy nearly let her eyes roll back at the sight of his thick, hard length about to pierce her. His hands moved to her thighs again. In one firm thrust, he buried himself fully inside of her. Addy’s moan was half-screamed. She dug her nails into his hard forearms. He didn’t move, much to her dismay.

“W—what are you waiting for?”

“I didn’t hurt you?”

“No! That wasn’t…it was…it’s so _full_!”

Cullen chuckled softly, “should I take that as a compliment?”

“Oh yes…now if you’d _please_ just fuck me already?”

His reply came as a lop-sided grin and his hips retreated. Cullen used his hands on her thighs as grip to pull her into his thrust. Addy choked on a gasp as he began to piston his length in and out of her. The force of his thrusts did, in fact, make her bed smack the wall. She barely murmured a ‘ _faster’_ before he was complying. His hips slamming into hers echoed with fleshy smacking sounds. Addy’s volume raised with every harder and faster thrust. Cullen also punctuated the sounds of their sex with his own grunts, curses, and growls. Addy was practically begging Cullen not to stop; not to slow; harder…faster…

“Ohhh!!” Addy cried as she was nearly to the edge again. Cullen then pulled completely out of her. She hollered a very obscene curse.

“F—Flip over…please…”

A thrill went through her and she quickly complied. She lifted her backside up in offering. Cullen made a growling moan before he was back inside of her. Addy’s eyes rolled back as she fisted the blankets underneath her. He didn’t move though.

“W—what’s wrong?”

“I need…a moment. So that I don’t…you know…too soon.”

Addy looked over her shoulder and Cullen groaned dismally in response.

“Oh, Addy…you have _no_ idea how sexy you look…”

Addy shifted and rolled her hips. Cullen hissed and quickly grabbed her hips to still her, “don’t! I t—told you—”

“Go ahead, then. I’m waiting.”

His eyes narrowed before he set into a brutal pace that had Addy burying her face into the blankets. She was crying and sobbing in her pleasure. Even she could hear how loud her noises were even muffled. She’d never been a _loud_ lover before. But Cullen certainly drove her there. His right hand moved around and vigorously rubbed and swirled her clit as he pounded into her hard enough she was certain she’d be sore for a few days. She lost it. She arched her back as far as possible as her throat constricted with her silent scream of release. Her body fluttered and clenched around him so tightly, she could _feel_ the effort he had to make to continue fucking into her.

Cullen growled and then threw his head back and cried his own release. It was damn near guttural in sound and made Addy feel so very sexy. He bucked into her a few more times before he shoved himself in to the hilt and stilled. He bent over her, panting and moaning until he was fully spent. He stayed there until he softened enough to slide free without much need to move on his part. He collapsed onto his side. Addy also collapsed, still breathing heavily. She was still seeing stars. Cullen pulled her to him and she willingly snuggled back against him. His hands moved behind her. She frowned sleepily as he tugged at her bra several times. She was working up the initiative to tell him to stop it when the bra fell slack.

He then slid down the straps and gently pried it free from her body and tossed it somewhere into the room. He then moved from behind her to remove her garter belt and also her stockings. He then laid back down and moved her back into his arms. His lips pressed soft, gentle kisses to her shoulders, neck, and cheek.

“Can’t be comfortable to sleep in those.”

Addy had no hope of stopping the tears that rushed over her. She buried her face into her pillow and sobbed. Cullen stiffened behind her, moving her hair aside. His touches were those of concern and worry. It only made her cry harder.

“Did I hurt you? Maker, Addy, please…don’t tell me I hurt you.”

“No,” she managed weakly, “it’s just a stupid thing.”

“Nothing is stupid if it makes you cry, Addy.”

She sniffled and took a deep breath, “Nate…he never cared about…no one’s ever been so…” She struggled to find the right word.

“Caring for you after sex?”

“…yes.”

“…that makes me incredibly pissed to hear,” Cullen sighed, “every woman deserved to be cradled and showered in affection. Especially after mind-numbingly, _amazing_ sex.”

“It…it was that good for you?”

“Addy…I’ve _never_ had better sex than this. Was it…uh…good? For you?”

“I think I’m getting noise complaints tomorrow, Cullen. No, it wasn’t _good_. It was…beyond fucking compare. I’ve literally _never_ screamed during sex before.”

Cullen buried his face against her back then. She could feel his grin against her skin. It made her own lips turn up into a grin as well. She basked in the afterglow until she felt the chill of the night seep into their little heat bubble. She shimmied to yank the blankets up and over them. Cullen’s arm settled comfortably around her as she laid back down.

“Wait…” Cullen mumbled into her shoulder. He reached up and knocked on the wall. Addy giggled softly and reached up to knock out the usual pattern before they both snuggled back down under the blankets. Addy hadn’t fallen asleep so easily since before she’d joined the army.

…

_Lips trailed up her back. Calloused hands ran over her naked flesh. A giggle worked its way free from her before she rolled over to pin her lover with a look. Amber eyes, warmed by the fire light, were filled with that mischievous streak he kept hidden most of the time._

_“You know…we’re already causing enough talk here. No need to show up late to a war meeting too.”_

_He smirked back, “that just means they already know what we’re up to.”_

_“You’re a deviant in disguise, you know that right?”_

_“Only for you, love.”_

_“Hmm…we’ll just have to see about that, won’t we?”_

_His chuckle warmed her. He bent to kiss her._

Addy woke abruptly. Before she could fully recall her dream, it faded to a faint feeling in the back of her mind. The hand on her waist twitched. She moved her hand to cover the larger one. The deep breathing and rhythmic snoring behind her didn’t bother her in the slightest. It wasn’t like sleeping beside a chainsaw. Cullen’s snores were more like a lazy lion’s growls. His snores slowed until he shifted behind her. Addy turned her head to regard him and sleepily blinked at her. A slow smile spread over his face.

“Morning…”

Addy smiled back, “morning.”

He rolled onto his back and stretched with a large yawn. Addy watched him. Why did this feel like déjà vu? Watching him wake up, supine in her bed, and completely nude? Not that she was complaining. Were her legs not stiff and sore from their activities the night before, she’d probably straddle his sexy hips and give him a proper _good_ morning greeting.

“How do you feel?” He asked her as if already sensing her discomfort.

“Sore.”

Cullen grimaced with sympathy, “sorry…”

“If I hadn’t thoroughly enjoyed it all, then you’d have a reason to be sorry,” Addy smirked as she sat up. Biting back the hiss of discomfort, she slid from her bed. She could feel his eyes on her as she wandered toward her bathroom. She started the shower and stepped into the enclosed toilet closet area. She shut the door and relieved herself. Stepping out, she wasn’t at all surprised to see Cullen leaning against the counter. The sheepish look on his face was endearing.

“I…uh…should I go? I’m not…it’s been a while since I…I’m not really certain the whole…protocol.”

“Do you want to go?”

“…not really…”

“Then stay,” she shrugged, pretending his admittance didn’t make her heart flutter with girlish glee. Instead of saying anything further, she stepped into the shower and left the door open in invitation. He didn’t seem to waste much time before he stepped in under the spray with her. His arms slid around her and he leaned in, snuggling close. Had someone asked her if Cullen was a cuddler before she’d gotten to know him better, she’d have laughed at them. But now she knew just _how_ cuddly he was. There was no complaint from her.

She squeezed some shampoo onto her hands and then reached up behind her. She began to massage his scalp with her shampoo. He made a sound of pleased content, dipping his head a bit further onto her shoulder. She lathered his curls and rinsed them clean. He withdrew from her and she instantly missed his warmth pressed snugly against her. But his hands found her hair next with her shampoo as well. He took his time to thoroughly lather, massage, and rinse her hair. He lifted her hair to his lips; kissing the wet locks.

“You have such stunning hair,” he murmured.

“It’s red,” she blurted out. Nate had always wondered about her dying her hair darker colors. Saying it would complement her skin tone.

Cullen sighed, “did _he_ not like your hair too?”

“I…guess not?”

“The more you say about this idiot, the more I want to see him face to face. Addy, he didn’t deserve you. I know it’s…not easy to forget the people we thought we loved and move on from the wrongs they did. But they don’t define you. You are a beyond a doubt the sexiest woman I’ve even seen. _Everything_ about you is…amazing. He truly is the loser.”

Addy turned around, looking up into his dripping face. She only saw sincerity there. She stepped closer and pressed her cheek to his pectoral. He wrapped her up in his arms and kissed the top of her head. She wasn’t sure what she’d done in a past life to deserve this man here and now…but she was beyond thankful for it.

“Let’s go out for breakfast,” Cullen suggested and Addy laughed as her stomach growled loudly enough to echo in the bathroom for a response.

* * *


	7. Haunting Scars

**Chapter Seven**   
**Haunting Scars**

_Bloody gloves were tossed down carelessly. He couldn’t care where his sword or shield fell. His feet raced forward. Up, up, up. He stumbled over fallen rocks and debris. Where was she? Where was his love?_

_He spotted the mage, dwarf, and hulking qunari near the base of a collapsed structure. The one that had risen into the sky. The one that came slamming back down after a brilliant, blinding light filled the sky. The rest of the party she’d taken with her stood at the base of the structure, looking up at the three figures descending. He was in a panic. And then…he saw her._

_Like the Maker’s bride herself, she walked down from the crumbling structure. He watched her scan over all of her companions quickly to assure herself of their safety. And then her eyes found his. Like an invisible tether drawn taught, they both gave into their urge to embrace. They raced toward one another. She leapt from the last few steps into his awaiting arms and he spun her around. He would never let her go again. No matter what happened, he would always find her. She was his and he was hers. Forever._

Cullen bolted from bed as though he’d been shocked by an electrical current. His heart raced as he stumbled over his own feet and barely caught himself with a loud thud against the wall. He quickly looked around his bedroom. No matter how hard he tried to recall what woke him, he couldn’t find even a hint of it. It was three thirty-three am. What an ominous time. His bedroom door flew open and he was in fight mode instantly. He rushed the intruder and flipped them up and over his back. A piercing squeal made his ears ache a little as he slammed his target onto his bed. His arm banded over their neck and his knife he kept hidden on the back of his bedpost against he wall in his other hand.

“Cullen! Fuck!”

His haze of battle faded and he recognized that face. Hazel green eyes were wide with surprise. He found himself breathing again and removed his arm from her. He reached to slide his tactical blade back into it’s holder tacked to the bedpost.

“Addy, I…I didn’t—”

“You didn’t realize it was me,” she finished for him, sitting up to face him. “I heard a loud bunch of thuds against the wall. I thought you were under attack or something.”

“I—woke rather abruptly and couldn’t figure out why. Then you came in and I—reacted.”

“I would have probably reacted similarly, Cul. Pup is also a bit freaked out,” Addy pointed back to the doorway.

Cullen followed her gesture and found his dog in the doorway with his own form of concern. Shoving aside his own disquiet, Cullen sighed. He pat his thigh. Pup trotted over and brushed against his leg. It was about that time he noticed that Addy was wearing a scant nightgown. It’d been a good week since their dabble into the intimate realm. Not that he hadn’t thought enough about another round. They’d both been caught up in work and their usual routine. But right now, the way she perched on his bed was so inviting that it stirred his arousal. He quickly shoved the thought aside. They both had work in the morning and neither could really afford to be extra tired from a romp in the sheets.

Addy slid down from his bed. She pushed up on her toes and kissed his cheek, “night.”

“Night,” he watched her leave. Maker, he wanted to chase her down and pull her back into his bed. He groaned and rubbed his eyes. He heard his front door shut. “Damnit, Rutherford…”

…

Several of the new hires were sparring on the mats in the training room. Cullen stood in his training gear; watching them. Bull approached him and leaned on the wall beside him.

“So, you bringing your sweet little piece of ass that nobody has seen before to the Satinalia party?”

Cullen bristled at the way Bull described Addy. He clamped down his desire to punch the larger man, “she _has_ a name, Bull. However, yes. I did intend to ask her to accompany me…”

“Good,” Bull nodded, “we’re all eager to meet the vixen that managed to get our commander so distracted.”

“Why is _my_ love life suddenly everyone’s business? Besides,” Cullen sighed, “we’re friends first. Perhaps with…benefits?”

“You had sex yet?”

Cullen flushed and refused to answer.

“So that’s a ‘yes.’ Then I’d say those are some benefits all right.”

“Just once,” Cullen mumbled and watched a trainee flip another over their back. “Carther! Watch your form! You’ll do more damage to your back than your assailant if you practice that poor form again!”

The trainee saluted and returned to the match. Cullen felt Bull clap his shoulder.

“Just as a heads-up…a few of the nobles have been invited to the party as well. Be prepared to have all manners of women being thrown at you left and right.”

“I’m aware,” Cullen groaned. “It’s Trevelyan’s event after all. He can invite whoever he thinks is most beneficial to the company.”

“Yeah,” Bull shrugged, “in any case. Get that date solidified beforehand. Or it’s gonna be ten times worse.”

Cullen heeded the warning. Once he’d finished the training exercises and assignment debriefings, he hit the showers. Once redressed in his nicer clothing, he returned to his office and picked up his phone. He dialed the number by heart. It rang three times before he had an answer.

“Hey you,” Addy replied over the line. “What’s on your mind?”

“Do you have a moment to talk?”

She paused, a shuffling sound, then she returned, “yes. What’s up? You sound quite serious.”

“I do?” He blinked as he paced his office.

“Yeah,” she snorted, “like, ‘ _Addy, we simply cannot see each other any longer,’_ kind of serios.”

“That is the _farthest_ from my mind,” he spoke lowly, knowing his voice had turned a bit huskier as he remembered his earlier thoughts during his shower.

“Oh,” she cleared her throat, sounding a bit breathier, “well then, what do you need to discuss?”

“My company here is having a Satinalia party next weekend…”

“Ah, you’re calling in your favor then?”

“That’s right, you do owe me don’t you? And here I planned to ask all sweetly…” He teased with a chuckle.

“You can still ask sweetly,” he could easily picture her answering smirk, “but know the answer is already yes.”

“Good,” he found himself smiling.

“Good,” she mimicked back.

“I’ll see you later tonight then.”

“Til then,” she made a kissy sound in the phone and hung up. Cullen snorted and pocketed his phone. He turned back toward his desk. He spotted a very amused looking Trevelyan in the doorway.

“Still just friends?”

Cullen coughed, “uh…yes and no?”

“You’re either friends or you’re not, Cullen. It’s not that hard.”

“We haven’t…really bridged that topic yet.”

Bromley frowned, “is she not the commitment type?”

“I think she is,” Cullen moved around his desk to sit, “it’s just…complicated.”

“Life is complicated.”

“Yes, and since her last relationship ended with her fiancé cheating on her? I don’t expect her to jump in right away. I’m not entirely certain I’m wholly ready either.”

Bromley made a face, “that would be difficult to overcome. Are you bringing her then? To the Satinalia ball?”

“That is the plan,” Cullen sighed. “I attended her big event, she’s attending mine.”

“Wonderful!” Bromley clapped his hands together, “before I forget…I’ve decided to invite my family. I wanted to give you fair warning that they are…not the easiest people to communicate with.”

“I promise I won’t embarrass you too much,” Cullen smirked.

Bromley laughed, “you? Embarrass me? Ha! Believe me, if my mother had her way, she’d probably try to wed you off to my elder sister.”

“With no offence, I’d prefer my chances _outside_ of your family…”

“Believe me when I say that is for the best. Evelyn is a very difficult woman.” Bromley shook his head, “enough of my family woes. I look forward to meeting this mystery woman.”

“You and apparently every other person here.”

Bromley chuckled, “it’s hard not to take notice of the change in our illustrious commander. I better get back to work before Josie hunts me down again. Maker only knows what other noble I’ve pissed off now.”

Cullen snickered at the notion while Bromley walked away. He set into his work with the usual attention he gave it. Before he knew it, six thirty rolled around. He closed down his computer and got all of his items to take home for the night gathered. The parking garage was nearly empty. Most of the staff left around five thirty or six pm. So he rarely had to fight to get out of his parking spot. He slid into his ford bronco. The drive home wasn’t too long, thankfully. He parked in the gated lot out behind the apartment building. The walk up the emergency exit stairwell took him the usual amount of time. As he slid his key into his door, he glanced over at the door just a bit down the hall from his. She usually didn’t get home until a little after he did.

With that in mind, he stepped into his home. He took off his jacket and hung it up as he kicked the door shut behind him. He glanced over at Pup. The large mabari was cuddled before the couch with his large snout resting on a deliciously naked thigh. Cullen’s mouth went dry. His eyes slowly traveled up that sexy limb to the edge of a t-shirt he instantly recognized. He continued to trail his gaze up to greet a smirking face. Addy was reclined on his couch like a goddess of seduction. She was wearing _his_ Templar t-shirt from when he was part of the marine football team. Her head was propped up by her hand, watching him study her. She shifted on the couch and flashed him a rather scandalous view of under the t-shirt. He lost his ability to speak or reason.

Cullen dropped everything he currently held and barely managed to kick off his boots before he strode across his apartment to her. He gave a quick command for Pup to go to his bedroom. The dog was already out of sight by the time Cullen reached Addy. She sat up with an excited gleam in her eyes. She rose to her knees and wasted no time relieving him of his belt.

“Minx,” he murmured before he bent to capture her lips. Addy responded quickly and he was finding himself quickly divested of whatever clothing was in her reach. She unbuttoned his shirt, sliding her hands over his hard stomach muscles. A moan sounded from her as she ran her hands over his flesh. Her hands moved his trousers until she was able to free his already hardened length. She wrapped her hand around his shaft before she broke the kiss with a devious little look. Cullen watched in rapt attention as she shifted to slide her knees apart in a show of indecency that made him groan deep in his throat.

Then her lips were on his tip. She flicked her tongue over the head of his cock and his breath hitched. She parted her lips and took the first few inches into her hot, arousing mouth. She hummed as she tasted him. Cullen let his head fall back as she sank a bit further onto his length. She pumped him where her mouth wasn’t reaching. His right hand moved to her hair and began to toy with the messy bun atop her head. Her tongue swirled around him and he hissed, grinding his teeth. She began to slowly bob her head on his shaft and oh…how wonderful it felt. His nerves were all on fire. Every sensation was heightened. He slowly thrust shallow little bucks into her mouth. She moaned and he nearly bucked harder than he intended. Swallowing hard, he moved his head to watch this sex-kitten as she sucked him fervently. Her hazel eyes lifted to watch him watching her. He felt a possessive growl roll out of him.

The sight of this woman on her knees, pleasuring him, was beyond his wildest imaginings. Somehow, he’d never had this fantasy. And he was so damn glad she’d come up with this. He wouldn’t have known what he was missing. He twirled a stray lock of her hair around his fingers.

“God, you’re so sexy, Addy…”

She giggled around him and Cullen blushed. He knew he’d be recalling the way her giggle was muffled by his cock at a later date. She bobbed a bit faster now, hollowing out her cheeks. He gasped and bent forward, trying to keep from thrusting without control. She pulled back and he slid free of her lips with a pop. She flicked her tongue over the seam of his head.

“Like that?”

“…oh..hell yes.”

“I did it right?” She asked as though surprised.

He blinked down at her, “uh… _yeah_. Yeah you did. Now…my little minx…your turn.”

Addy bit her lip as he knelt. She shifted back into a seated position. He smirked at her as he grabbed her thigh and spread her open to him. He licked his lips as he clucked his tongue at her.

“My, my…I thought I saw that right. No panties? Someone’s had naughty thoughts on her mind.”

Addy moaned and hooked her legs around him, tugging him closer. “All. Day. Long.”

“Well, we can’t have you waiting any longer, now can we?”

Cullen bent forward and dipped his tongue into her slick passage, dragging it up over her clit. She was so wet already. He groaned and tugged her to the edge of the couch cushion, shifting her legs over his shoulders. Addy gasped and dug her nails into the couch. He buried his face further between her thighs. The musk of her juices on his tongue actually made him get harder. Her breathy sighs and moans filled him with masculine pride. _He_ was making this gorgeous woman writhe and cry. His tongue and fingers played her like a finely tuned instruments. He hooked his first two fingers inside of her to press under where her clit was from inside. She bucked wildly with a sharp cry. Well, well.

Cullen grinned into her netherlips as he found a special little spot to stroke and toy with. Addy was whining and begging him incoherently. He doubted she even knew what all was falling from her lips. His eyes watched her face as her mouth hung open with her sounds and heavy breaths. Then she came. Her walls fluttered in warning before clamping and attempting to milk his fingers. Her face was frozen in an expression of rapture. He lapped lazily at her folds before he sat back. His fingers still pumped at a reserved rhythm in and out; in and out. Then she gave him a hooded look.

Cullen withdrew his fingers; his anticipation rising quickly. She rose up onto her knees. She turned to lean her torso on the arm of the couch, lifting her ass in invitation. Cullen’s eyes darkened as he quickly climbed the couch and settled behind her. He guided his cock to her weeping folds. Addy arched and moaned as he sank deeper into her body. He seated himself fully. His hands slid the shirt up.

“I need to see you; all of you.”

Addy sat up enough to remove the t-shirt. The angle making them both hiss in delight. He took the shirt and tossed it aside. It was one of his most prized possessions from his time in the military yet for her? He cast it aside without second thought. He ran his hands over her stomach and up to her breasts, palming them. Addy rolled her hips and he took her hint. He dropped his left hand down to band across her hips while his right continued to play with her nipples. He rocked into her. Cullen pulled nearly all the way out before slamming himself all the way back into her body. He listened to her sharp moans. He slowly rocked into her twice before pulling out nearly all the way again only to surge forward hard enough to jar her body.

She mewled and tried to roll herself against him faster. Cullen chuckled in her ear, “I don’t think so, Ads…I’m going to take my time with you tonight.”

Addy moaned low in her throat, “you’re going to torture me.”

Cullen froze. Addy blinked and turned to look back at him over her shoulder. He couldn’t focus as his mind completely glazed over. If it weren’t for the hand on his face, he would have possibly stayed lost in his day-terror.

“Cul?”

He swallowed the lump in his throat. He shook his head, “I—”

Addy shook her head, “hey, don’t. Just stay here with me. Right now. Right here. You’re safe. You’re nowhere near wherever that just led you.”

Cullen closed his eyes and turned his face into her hand. His desire was beginning to dwindle. The self-loathing began to swim forward. An off-key melody began to be hummed in his ear. He felt his body being rocked as Addy held his left arm to her with hers and her right hand cradled his face. He felt himself slide free from her body. He grimaced.

“Addy, I—”

“Shhh…” She shook her head. She shifted from him in order to turn around and pull him into her arms. They shimmied down on the couch so that she could cradle him completely with her body. He nestled into her naked frame, burying his face in her neck. He’d never felt so protected and he was completely buck-ass nude. He also felt so ashamed. He’d not satisfied her because he lost himself to memories he’d tried so hard to bury and escape. How could she so willingly hold him like this? How the hell could he possibly ever walk away from her now?

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TT.TT Poor Cullen.


	8. Establishing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Dress Inspiration: https://images.app.goo.gl/Siq63GeGZtdj61nZ9

**Chapter Eight** **  
Establishing**

Addy wasn’t sure when Cullen fell asleep. He was so tense in her arms at first. Slowly; ever so slowly…he relaxed. Then at some point his breathing evened out and his soft snoring started. She managed at some point to get the blanket from the back of the couch down and draped over his naked back. She’d not really been sure what to expect when she’d left work early to surprise him. She’d been thinking about him all day. And since it was her birthday, she figured it wouldn’t hurt to seduce him into some hot birthday sex. She could recall something he’d said very early on about women being sexy in t-shirts lounging about. So she’d dug out the first of his t-shirts she thought would be perfect for her little seduction game. She’d stacked her clothes in his bathroom and put _only_ his t-shirt on and lounged on his couch until he came home. Pup had wanted attention and she’d not minded at all to give the doggy some head scratches.

She hadn’t expected this.

Her heart was breaking. It took her no time at all to figure out what the trigger to his anxiety attack was. _Torture._ Tears slipped down her cheeks as she hugged him a bit tighter. She knew he’d had to have faced some fucked-up shit in the SpecOps. She’d not ever even entertained the idea that he’d possibly been a prisoner of war. Now she was damn certain he had been. She’d lost friends and people she’d been able to call family on the battlefield. She knew what it was like to see your companions literally explode into red mist and chunks right before your eyes. To watch your friend take a bullet through the eye-socket when you barely dodged behind cover in time.

Survivor’s guilt was something she’d fought hard herself. Yet she knew she’d not had it as bad as others. Cullen shifted, grunting. She blinked; a bit panicked that he’d see her tears. She tried to discretely wipe them away quickly. He lifted up and looked around in confusion for a moment before realization dawned on his brow.

“I fell asleep?”

“Yeah,” Addy managed.

Cullen looked at her, alarm on his face. “You’re crying…”

Addy sighed. Of course he noticed. Mr. Observant. “Just a little.”

“Shit, Addy, I’m so sorry. I—this is all my fault. I swear, I didn’t mean to--”

“Oh shut up! I’m not crying about the sex!”

“…are you crying because of me?”

“I’m crying _for_ you,” she whispered. “You froze when I joked about being tortured.”

Cullen swallowed and averted his gaze. He didn’t say anything. She hadn’t expected him to. She moved her hands to stroke over his back. Her legs slid along the outside of his. He turned to look at her. Addy met his gaze evenly. She moved to kiss him. Just a brush of lips at first. Pausing to gauge his reaction, she moved to press her lips against his again. Cullen slid his hand into her hair and returned the kiss. It went from a chaste brushing of lips to a heated battle of tongue in the blink of an eye. Cullen’s hands began to explore her body. Addy sighed; her eyes closed. A shift of their bodies aligned them just right. Without even a second thought, he slid into her as she rolled her hips to take him in.

They began to rock together. Their kiss only deepened further. Gasping for breath only to return to each other’s lips. Until they couldn’t any longer. Cullen pressed his brow to Addy’s as he thrust into her. She met him at each surge of his hips with a roll of her own. She shivered and whimpered as she fell apart beneath him. Cullen grunted softly before he stilled, pushing fully into her. The feeling of his hot seed filling her made her sigh.

Addy laid under him; clinging to his body. He held her tightly as he kept his forehead against hers. It was in those moments that Addy knew just how far gone she really was. Whenever it happened, she couldn’t say. But she knew she was in danger of falling in love with him. And that made her terrified. Cullen cleared his throat suddenly.

“We should get some food.”

“That sounds like a good idea.”

“Shower first?”

Addy nodded, “yes. You go ahead first.”

“All right,” he slowly moved off of her and stood. He gave her an odd look before he walked away. Addy laid on the couch, pulling the blanket over her. She waited until the water was flowing before she sat up and stood. She looked toward his bedroom.

“Please…please Maker, don’t break my heart again. I don’t think I’ll survive this one.”

…

“Let me get this straight,” Mav held up a hand as she frowned across the table at Addy. “You literally ran into this Adonis of men, shattered your shitty dishes, and then somehow made a dinner pact with him? But then, you fucked him. Twice?”

Addy buried her face into her gloved hands. She groaned dismally and nodded.

“…oh man, I wish Varric were here. He’d be the first to say, _‘you just can’t make this shit up!’_ ”

“Yes, well, he isn’t so…”

“What makes you certain you could be falling for him?” Mav asked, sipping her latte.

“…when we,” Addy made a face, “you know…last time. I just…I don’t know. It was like I couldn’t imagine letting him go. Ever. But it’s also just how much he just…shares with me. I’ve never felt so close to a man before. Like I could tell him anything and somehow…it’d be okay.”

“Huh…well, I guess I can get that. Oh! I just remembered…” Mav turned and dug through her bag. She held out an envelope. “This got sent to me since, well, they don’t know your address.”

Addy took the envelope and stared at her family crest. Rolling her eyes, she ripped it into pieces. She stuffed those pieces into her now empty coffee cup and put the lid back on. “There, right where it belongs. In the trash.”

“Could have been an apology letter,” Mav shrugged, “it wasn’t. But it could have been.”

“How are you and Solona so damn different?”

Mav glared at Addy, “because unlike that bitchy, stuck-up princess…I wasn’t born into the Amell dynasty. I’m a Hawke and damn well proud of it.”

“You have no idea how happy I am to that you aren’t like an Amell. Then again, your grandparents weren’t the typical Amell either.”

“No, but it helps that my mother married for love and not status.”

Addy smiled, “true. Very true.” She gathered her things, “I should get going. I need to get back to work and then go shopping.”

“Oh, the joys of spending countless hours in the company of complete strangers…”

“You are such an anti-social person, Mav!” Addy giggled as she stood.

“Uh, hello? You’ve met my life, right?”

Addy held her hands up, “you win…you win.”

“Try not to spend too much time overthinking everything, Addy.”

“Uh, hello? You’ve met _me_ , right?” Addy parroted back.

Mav snickered and hugged her before they parted ways. Addy caught a cab back to the gallery. She spent the last four hours showing pieces, making a few sales, and discussing a few exhibit ideas with one of the artists they showcased. When she was done, she shot a quick text to Cullen to let him know she’d be busy tonight and wouldn’t be available for dinner. She took another cab to the shopping district. It took her a bit to find a shop that she wanted to look in.

Addy approached an entire span of evening gowns and began to sift through them. As she looked through them, a shimmering red caught her eye. *She walked the few paces down the line to where she’d spotted the shimmer and plucked a crimson, beaded, and glittering mermaid gown. Once she found herself a dressing room, she slid the gown on. She used the trick her elder sister had shown her _years_ ago by hooking the wire coat hanger into the zipper and pulling it up. It fit her as though it had been made for her. She turned in the mirror, admiring the way it hugged her curves before falling from around her knees into a mermaid flare. She was in love with it. Addy never wore red due to her hair color. It didn’t always work out. But this dress actually made her hair shine a little more while not making her look flushed out. The sheer, lacy overlay was pleasing to the eye and touch. She carefully squatted down then stood, bent and twisted. It moved with her without restricting her. She could definitely dance in this.

It was perfect. She carefully took it off and checked the price tag. Her heart paused for a moment. It was two hundred sovereigns. Although she could afford it, it would certainly be steep for her bank account. Feeling disappointment weigh heavily in her stomach, she dressed quickly and carried the dress forlornly back to the rack. Surely she could find something less…well, expensive. Just as she went to hang the dress up, she spied a second tag she’d missed. It was a clearance tag. She quickly flipped it over and actually squealed in girlish delight. How she’d missed a markdown tag in the first place was beyond her. But she wasn’t about to look a gift-horse in the mouth. She headed for the cash register and withdrew her card from her pouch purse.

“Oh, I wondered if this would ever sell…” The lady behind the counter said as she took the dress and flipped the tags over. “Let’s see here…which one was the last markdown?”

“Hm? There’s just the one clearance tag, isn’t there?”

The cashier lady smiled and shook her head, “oh no. This here was a returned dress. Because of that, nobody really wants it. It’s been in here since…oh…a year ago perhaps? So it’s been marked down three times at least. Honestly, I’m surprised we haven’t just donated it by now.”

“…who could return such a stunning gown?” Addy asked, astonished as she stroked the fine fabric.

“Oh, some heiress who just wanted something to look amazing in for an evening. It didn’t look very fine on her, if you ask me. She practically got lost in all the finery of it. So she returned it the next day saying it was the worst dress she’d ever worn. A few of the ladies were beginning to believe it was cursed or something.”

“That’s preposterous,” Addy shook her head, “I absolutely adore it. I’ve never worn red because it makes my hair look ridiculous. But this one didn’t.”

“Aha! Here it is. All right now, that will be eighty sovereigns after taxes.”

“…eighty?!”

The cashier looked worried for a moment, “that was the last markdown. Would you like me to get the manager—?”

“No! No, I’m just…pleased is all. Shocked. I only expected around twenty, maybe thirty percent off at most. More than half? That’s amazing.” Addy swiped her card and fought to not do a little happy dance as she got her receipt and the woman bagged the dress in a garment bag for free. She carried her new prize to the cab station and hailed another one. She was practically buzzing with joy by the time she got home. She rushed quickly past Cullen’s to her own door and made a bee line for her closet. Once it was carefully hung in the back, she set about finding something quick to reheat for dinner.

Her fridge was a bit of a sad story. She tapped her finger on the fridge door and blew her hair from her face. Maybe she should have stopped off to get some groceries too?

“If you’re looking for food, you’ll be hard pressed to find anything in there.”

She spun and saw her handsome neighbor leaning in the doorway of her apartment. Snorting, she shut the fridge, “duly noted. How’d you know I got home?”

“I heard your door. I actually worked late tonight so I haven’t eaten yet. How about a late-night café run?”

“I’m in,” she grabbed her purse and threw it over her shoulder. She locked up and followed Cullen to the stairwell. She didn’t mind taking the stairs with him. Instead of out front, however, he turned and led her to the back entrance. They stepped out into the parking lot that she’d never really even thought about. She didn’t have a car, so she rarely drove. Cullen walked over to a vehicle and unlocked it.

He opened the passenger side door for her and she slid in. He rounded to his driver seat and climbed in. She couldn’t help it. She had to tease him a bit.

“What? Are you a knight in shining armor now?”

Cullen smirked at her, “whatever sweeps the lovely maiden off her feet.”

“I’m not a maiden, Cul. Not anymore,” she pointed out.

“You’ll always be a maiden in my eyes, Addy.”

Fuck. She felt her heart race as he pulled the car out of the parking lot and onto the street. They drove for around twenty minutes to a café that was open late. He parked and quickly hopped out to race around and open her door. She took his hand and felt as though she couldn’t breathe. The look he was giving her made her knees want to buckle. What was wrong with her? She slid out and walked with him. She noted that he didn’t let go of her hand as they entered the café. He only released her when they were seated.

Addy scanned the menu before deciding and placing it down. She watched Cullen as he read over the menu. He started to blush.

“Have I something on my face?”

“No,” Addy chuckled.

“Then why are you staring at me like that?”

She averted her gaze and put on the most nonchalant tone and expression she could muster. “Maybe I find you attractive.”

“I should hope so. After some of our…recent activities.”

Addy felt her own cheeks heat. The waitress came over just in time. They gave their orders then handed back the menus. Cullen leaned forward on his elbows. Addy cleared her throat, “what?”

“You’ve been avoiding me this week.”

Caught again. She sighed, leaning her arms on the table, “a little bit.”

“Was it because of the…?”

“No, Cullen. I have a few things I need to wade through. Some old issues I have to finish working through.”

“About Nate.”

“…yes.”

Cullen nodded before he reached across the table to her. He offered his hand; giving her the choice to reach back or not. She didn’t need to think it over. Her hand slid into his and she felt almost like she was whole again. He seemed to be thinking before he inhaled, “can I ask…about us?”

“Of course.”

“Are we…is this something we should label? Is this a…physical thing or are we—” he looked conflicted before he finally finished his sentence, “are we together?”

Addy took a moment to process his inquiry. She looked at her hand in his. The way he ran his thumb over her knuckles. The way he held her; cuddled her. He made her laugh. She thoroughly enjoyed his company. She wanted to be with him. And there it was. She snorted at herself. Mav was right. She was overthinking everything as usual.

“I want to be with you, Cullen.”

He released his breath; he’d been holding it. “And I you, Addy. Maker knows you’ve enchanted me.”

She smiled as he stretched over the table to tuck her hair behind her ear. He sat back with an answering smile. He squeezed her hand.

“So does this mean I should introduce you as my girlfriend at the ball?”

“I don’t know, let me ask my boyfriend. Next door neighbor, is it all right if Cullen introduces me as his girlfriend at his ball?”

Cullen grinned, laughing, “I think Cullen should do just that. Let me check with my girlfriend quickly here. Next door neighbor, is it all right if I call Addy my girlfriend?”

“It’d be silly if you didn’t at this point.”

Both laughed together. They ate their dinners when the food arrived. Cullen paid for the tab and Addy more than happily sidled up to his side, under his arm as he walked them to the car. He was ever the gentleman; constantly opening the doors for her. He drove them home and when they got home, he even walked her to her door. That was when he leaned down and kissed her goodnight. Addy melted into his kiss. Addy felt like she really belonged for once. He pulled away reluctantly.

“I’d ask to spend the night but it’s already so late. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow…but I _want_ to.” He confessed as he kissed her again.

Addy kissed him back just as eagerly. They broke away again. “I know…me too. But same. We’ll have plenty of time for that later.”

“Mm, I look quite forward to that.”

“Goodnight, handsome.”

“Goodnight, gorgeous.”

Addy ducked into her apartment before her libido ruined their days tomorrow. He lingered at her door until she shut it. She leaned back against the door and knew she was wearing a stupid smile. It wasn’t like they didn’t already know one another really well. But this…this was somehow new. Exciting. And utterly frightening. Addy locked her door and headed for bed. She changed into her nightgown and settled in bed. She laid there for several minutes. A sound reached her ears. She blinked and sat up. It was coming from Cullen’s room. She pressed her ear to the wall. Although muffled, she clearly heard him moan. She blushed as she realized what he was probably up to. She laid back down and giggled to herself as she waited for him to finish before she knocked on the wall.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As soon as I saw the picture of that dress I HAD to use it. Also, the cuteness. I had to write a little fluff after the heavy stuff.


	9. Satinalia Ball

**Chapter Nine**   
**Satinalia Ball**

Saturday arrived with a light snow-storm. Nothing the citizens of Haven or Ferelden would fret over. In fact, it was a mild winter compared to usual. The true storms would hit at the turn of the year. Cullen stood in his bathroom, readjusting his bowtie for what was probably the hundredth time. Did he have it right? He hated bowties. They were so ridiculous. With a sigh, he dropped his hands and glanced at the long, thin, black box he had sitting beside him on the countertop. He glanced at his watch and nearly swore. He was going to be running late to gather Addy from her apartment if he didn’t get moving now. He quickly swiped the box from the counter and quickly exited his bathroom to his bedroom then main space of his apartment.

He glanced at where Pup normally would be laying. He’d asked his sister to keep him overnight as they wouldn’t be back tonight. Cullen picked up his small overnight bag. The ball was being held in a very high-end ski-lodge higher up into the mountains outside the city of Haven. It was called Skyhold. It was actually more like a really old castle that had been refinished into a very nice lodge. Cullen had never been there before, but he knew about it. To be honest, he was kind of feeling a bit like a nervous school-boy. Not only was he taking Addy to where his work was holding a ball, but he’d then be staying in a room with her overnight. It felt quite different then the first time they’d had sex.

Once locked up, he moved down the hall to knock on his lovely neighbor’s door. He heard her inside as she bustled toward the door. The wooden portal opened and Cullen’s ability to think completely disappeared. Addy stood before him; an angelic being in red. If Andraste looked anything like this, he could easily understand why the Maker had to have her as his own. She was dressed in the most stunning dress he’d ever seen on any woman. Not even Solona Amell could compare to the gorgeous vision before him. Her hair was settled in a low chignon with a smaller braid wrapped around it upon the right side of her nape. Her stray locks of curls draping down to frame her face. She shifted and pulled a deep-rouge painted lip between her teeth.

“F—Forgive me. I forgot how to breathe.”

Addy breathed a soft laugh, “then it’s not too much?”

“This will never be too much,” Cullen whispered as he took in every detail he could. “You are…beyond description.”

Her cheeks colored prettily as she lowered her lashes in that shy way he adored. “I’m glad you like it…”

“Like it? Addy, I _love_ it.”

“I got my bag,” she stated, shaking a backpack. He grinned and took it from her before offering his arm. She slid her arm through his and stepped out to lock up her home. She pulled away long enough to shrug her coat on. They made their way to the bronco. Cullen loaded their bags in the backseat after helping her up into her seat. He climbed in next and turned to her.

“Ready?”

“As ready as I can be.”

He smiled and turned the car on. He drove out of the parking lot and into the city. It took around thirty minutes to reach the edge of the city. The drive out of the city and up the mountain pass highway was a good hour drive. With a flurries increasing as they drove higher up, Cullen could almost feel Addy’s nerves getting to her.

“Hey,” he said to get her attention. She turned away from the window and looked at him, “you okay?”

“I’ve never actually been this high in the mountains before.”

“I’ve driven many mountain passes in this thing. Trust me?”

“I trust you. It’s more just all the people I’m about to meet that’s making me nervous.”

“I understand that,” Cullen inclined his head. Up ahead on the road, several Satinalia lights shone through the storm. They pulled up to the parking area. He slid the bronco into a nice spot not far from the entrance. The lodge was completely decorated with so many lights and various evergreen shrubbery and trees.

They climbed out and braved the snowfall to the front entrance. Cullen locked his car with the remote from afar and led Addy inside. A well-dressed attendant took their coats from them and checked Cullen’s invitation quickly before motioning them inside the ballroom just ahead. Once inside, the sound of orchestral music filled the huge ballroom. Cullen led Addy through the crowd. He stopped a few times to introduce her to varying people. She smiled and greeted them sweetly. She recognized Sera from the gallery and to his surprise, Sera gave Addy a huge hug.

Cullen cleared his throat, giving Addy an amused smirk, “sorry, Sera. But I must reclaim my lovely girlfriend.”

Sera blew a raspberry at him before she made a shooing motion. Addy took his arm and beamed up at him as he lead her toward the dancefloor. He was a bit nervous. Dancing wasn’t his strong suit. But he knew he had to try this evening. He was not about to let Addy down. She turned to him as he drew them onto the floor. He swallowed the lump in his throat and slid his arm around her and held his other hand up for her. She took his hand.

“I—I’m not very good. At dancing that is.”

“Then just do what’s comfortable,” she smiled back with a single shoulder shrug.

Cullen stepped forward and she followed. He retraced the steps he could scarcely recall after all these years. However, Addy simply followed his lead smoothly. He dared to think they actually looked to be dancing instead of fumbling. After a few minutes, he felt he had the hang of it. He began to move more confidently over the dancefloor. He spun her out from him and then tugged ever so lightly for her to curl back into his arms. She giggled and he found himself smiling broadly in reply.

“You say you’re not very good, but I’d like to beg to differ,” she chuckled as he dipped her.

“Rusty, then?”

“Maybe at first,” she relented, “but you’re doing rather well now.”

Cullen felt his pride swell at that. After another song, they both agreed to find something to drink. At the refreshment table, Cullen felt a familiar hand clap his shoulder. He turned, taking the other man’s hand to shake in greeting.

“Bull,” he inclined his head to the qunari.

“Cullen,” Bull returned before leaning to look past Cullen. “And you must be the illusive lady that has our commander tied-up.”

“I am not—”

“Addeline,” Addy ignored Cullen’s protest and reached out her hand in greeting. Bull reached past Cullen to shake her hand, “pleased to meet you.”

“The Iron Bull, but most people call me Bull. I can see why you’re so distracted at work sometimes,” Bull mused as he withdrew his hand with a wink at Cullen, “with such a sexy creature waiting at home for you? I’d be hard-pressed not to race home every night too.”

Addy giggled and nudged Cullen, “that bad, huh?”

Cullen glared at Bull, “no! Not really…”

“All lies. It _is_ that bad.”

Cullen turned his glare to the dwarf who approached them.

“See, if I knew it was you he was seeing, I’d have teased him even more!” Varric laughed as he approached Addy. To Cullen’s surprise, Addy moved to hug the dwarf.

“I didn’t realize you worked with Cullen, Varric!”

“You two know one another?” Cullen asked, confused.

“Mav,” they both replied at the same time. Varric continued from there, “Mavern Hawke. She’s a mutual friend.”

“…wait…your close friend is _Hawke?”_ Cullen asked, astonishment in his tone.

Addy looked at him with a slight frown on her pretty face, “do you know Mav, Cullen?”

“Know me? He helped me overthrow Meredith, Addy-girl. Now, color _me_ surprised! _This_ is the dashing next-door neighbor you gushed about to me?”

Cullen watched Addy spin to watch the dark-haired woman approach with her signature smirk. He couldn’t stop the bit of ego-inflating Hawke’s statement had upon him. So she’d talked about him to her closest friend? Addy looked just as surprised as she also hugged Hawke in greeting. Hawke’s short, bobbed haircut was littered with various sparkling hair trinkets while her dress was a tasteful, long black, strapless gown. However, in typical Hawke style, the entire left side was open to expose her knee-high combat boots.

“What are you doing here, Mav?” Addy asked as they drew apart, yet held each other’s arms still.

“Varric’s plus-one. I heard there would be some eye-candy worth attending for…” Mav’s voice held an edge to it that made Cullen frown. “So, uh, I’m guessing you haven’t run into _them_ yet if you’re still all smiles? I’m kind of shocked you still came, considering.”

Addy frowned then, “huh? What do you mean? Them who?”

Mav stared at Addy before turned sharply toward him to pin Cullen with a glare, “you didn’t even _tell_ her?!”

“Tell her what?” Cullen sighed exasperatedly, “what exactly do you think I’m in the wrong for?”

Mav’s face went ashen, “oh…oh shit.”

“Mav, what are you—?” Addy began but was cut off.

“Addy?”

Addy turned as a very well-dressed man rushed over toward her. Cullen didn’t recognize him but he felt like he _should_.

“Jax? What are _you_ doing here?” Addy shook her head, “what the hell is going on here?”

Cullen sighed, “I really don’t know. I’m just as confused as you.”

Jax was frowning, “I can’t believe you came.”

“Would _someone_ please just tell me what the hell is happening?!” Addy growled, planting her hands on her hips.

“…Cullen…?”

Cullen turned and sighed at the sight of his boss and friend. “Bromley, perhaps you can help us clear a few things up here…it appears that—”

“…you date…is Addeline?” Bromley asked, his eyes looking haunted.

Addy turned slowly to look at the older man. Cullen only felt more and more befuddled by the second.

“You know…Addy?” Cullen asked, feeling a bit put-upon here. How did everyone he know somehow know Addy and vice-versa?

One look at Addy, however, made Cullen’s heart ache. She looked on the verge of tears. Then his protectiveness kicked in as he stepped closer to her, wrapping his arm securely around her.

“You—“ Bromley started before he took a deep breath, “yes. This is my youngest sister, Addeline. Although, you seem well enough acquainted it seems.”

Cullen would have been less surprised if he’d been full-on decked in the face. He turned to Addy with wide-eyes. “You…you’re…you’re a Trevelyan?”

Addy turned to him with tears, “yes. But I didn’t…I had no idea you worked for my elder brother. I—I’m sorry. I can’t…I—I need to go.” She turned to flee.

“Addy! Wait!” Bromley called out, surprising Cullen. “Please…”

Addy didn’t turn around, but clenched her fists at her sides, “what? What could you possibly have to say to me now?”

“Can…can we talk? Please? I—I’d like to talk.” Was Bromley _begging_? Cullen had never seen his friend so distraught before. Cullen felt torn in two directions here.

Addy was so quiet that Cullen flinched slightly when she spoke, “five minutes.”

Bromley released his breath and nodded, “of course. Please, follow me?”

“Cullen’s coming with us.”

“Whatever makes you most comfortable, Addy.”

Addy kept her head down as she turned and grabbed Cullen’s hand. She walked behind Bromley, half-leading, half-dragging Cullen behind her. Once they broke from the crowd, they took a side door out through a hall and into a beautiful garden that was strung with lights and décor while the snow fell silently from above. Cullen was surprised at how lovely and serene it was. It seemed almost too gentle for their current situation. Curiosity warred with guilt in his gut. How could he have brought her here? How the hell could he have possibly known his boss and friend was his girlfriend’s family? Was Bromley part of that nasty affair? Did he _want_ to hear Bromley’s side? Did he dare not?

Bromley stopped and turned to them, “Addy…I—I need to beg your forgiveness.”

Addy refused to lift her head. She also didn’t reply. Cullen felt her squeeze his hand a bit harder.

Bromley continued, his voice cracking slightly with emotion, “I was wrong. I had thought…I was led to believe that you had just…run away. It wasn’t until after you’d left that I learned _why_. Please, if I had known that…that piece of nug-fucking shit had cheated on you…I—” He stopped and hung his head with a bitter laugh, “you know what? You have every right to keep hating me. No apology will suffice for what I said to you. When I told you that you were selfish for abandoning your family. I am the worst elder brother. I’ll gladly take Jaxton’s punch ten times over and over again. Nothing will make up for the painful words I said to you. And I must live with that regret.

But please know, I love you, Addy. I always will. That has _never_ changed. I prayed to the Maker for you. You were a _gift_. You still are…I—”

Cullen felt Addy’s hand leave his. She ran forward and Cullen had a split-second of fear. He wasn’t sure if she was going to attack Bromley or what. If she did, wasn’t he duty bound to step in and…remove the threat to his boss? But—how? How could he? He felt relief crash over him as he saw she threw her arms around her elder sibling and cried into his shoulder. Bromley looked both stunned and then lowered his own head to her shoulder as he tightly returned the embrace.

Cullen smiled, stepping back. He was glad to see this moment, but it was time for him to step out. This was between two siblings now. He turned and made his way back to the ball. He opened the door and nearly collided with another redheaded woman. She gasped and stumbled back a step. Cullen quickly moved a step back.

“Forgive me, I wasn’t aware anyone else was coming back here,” Cullen stated.

She shook her head, “oh, it was mostly my own fault. I thought I saw my brother come back here. Is Bromley in the gardens?”

Cullen shifted his body so that he pretty much blocked the hallway. “He did, actually. But he’s currently in a private meeting.”

“Oh? And may I ask who you are?”

“Cullen Rutherford, Commander and head of security.”

The woman blinked before smiling, “ah…so you’re the one I’ve heard so much about. Brom has little but good things to speak of you, Ser Rutherford. My name is Evelyn, second eldest of the Trevelyan family.”

Cullen put his right fist to his left shoulder and bowed his head respectfully, “it my honor to meet you, my lady.”

“Evie!”

Cullen glanced up to see the same man from earlier walking over. Evelyn turned toward him with a warm smile.

“Jax! You made it!” They hugged briefly.

“I did,” Jax turned to Cullen, “where is she?”

“…with Bromley at the moment.”

“And…it’s okay? To leave them alone?” Jax narrowed his eyes, straining past Cullen as though he could see through walls.

“When I left, it was.”

“Who? Who is Brom with, Jax?”

Jax’s lips thinned as he looked at Evelyn, “Addy.”

Evelyn’s face went from shock to dismay to pain, “does she know mother is here?”

“Not yet, I don’t think…and you? Are you going to treat her so poorly again too?”

Evelyn sighed, “no. Maker only knows what a bitch I was to her.”

“Is Max here too?” Jax tapped his foot as he crossed his arms.

“No. He’s back home with father. Mother and I came alone. Father and Bromley had some…choice words last time they met. Maxwell is taking father’s side. As usual.”

“…so all we have to do is keep mother away from Addy.”

Evelyn’s face lit up, “oh, I think I can manage that _quite_ well on my own. I happened to see a very interesting looking qunari here. I wonder if he dances?”

Jax snorted, “you’re going to give her a heart attack.”

“And? At least it will keep her preoccupied,” Evelyn chuckled. “As for Addy, I should like to see if I can’t just arrange some tea-time with her tomorrow morning. I have much I need to say. Much I need to apologize for.”

“I’ll talk with her,” Jax sighed. “Maybe…maybe she’ll be up to it. But Evie…I’m not joking when I say if you hurt her again…we’re done. This family did enough to her.”

“If I hurt her again like I did…you have my full permission to punch me hard enough to knock me out cold. Like what you did to Brom.”

Cullen watched a mischievous twinkle appear in Evelyn’s eyes. She turned and inclined her head to him, bade him good evening, and walked away with purpose toward where Bull stood. Jax huffed and turned to regard Cullen. The appraising look Cullen was receiving was a bit uncomfortable. Shifting his weight from one leg to the other, he cleared his throat under the other man’s gaze.

“What are you to my baby sister?”

Cullen felt his mouth go a bit dry, “I…what?”

“Addy? My baby sister? You’re here with her, so I’m assuming there’s a reason. Wait—you’re the gentlemanly, next-door-neighbor, aren’t you? Ha! I _knew_ it!”

“Er…yes? She…spoke of me?”

“Mm, yes. She didn’t mention how fetching and pleasing to the eyes you are, however. Did you bring her here on purely friendly terms or…?”

“Jax, stop. He’s my boyfriend.”

Cullen breathed a soft sigh of relief as Addy came up behind him. Bromley wasn’t far behind. The look Cullen got from Bromley was one he knew all too well. It was the elder brother look. The one that said, _‘we’ll be having a chat later.’_

“I knew he wanted in your pants,” Jax declared victoriously.

Addy leaned over and punched his arm, making Jax yelp. “Would you stop it already?”

“I can’t help it!”

“Yes, you can. You just choose not to,” Bromley stated with a pointed look at his younger brother.

“Evie was looking for you, Brom. She’ll probably catch up with you later. She’s currently flirting with a behemoth qunari in order to keep mother completely frazzled and occupied for the evening,” Jax snickered.

“Why is she doing that?” Bromley chuckled, “she’d best be careful. Bull has a thing for redheads. Especially ones with a bit of a temper.”

“Well, then, he’s in for quite the ride. All meanings intended,” Jax grinned even as Bromley glared at him. “As for why, she’s keeping mother from finding or lecturing Addy tonight. Speaking of…Addy, Evie wants to meet with you tomorrow morning for tea.”

“…should I even ask why?” Addy sighed, rubbing her arm.

“Maxwell is the only one you need to worry about among us, little Addy. He’s the heir to the Trevelyan titles and wealth. He’s doing everything he can to ensure it stays that way.” Bromley spoke thinly.

Cullen pulled Addy to him, “do you want to stay and mingle more or retire?”

Addy leaned her head on his shoulder, “I think I’m ready to go curl up in a hot bath.”

“Done,” Cullen started to lead her away from the ballroom.

“A moment of your time, Commander?” Bromley spoke up just as they were nearing the doors out.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story had a fairly clear outline. I had the idea spread out, mapped out, and ready to write. I even figured it would be kind of a short fic just to get back into my writing again. 
> 
> Then came my muse...
> 
> This is apparently no longer a short fic. It is still going to follow the spread out, mapped out, ready to write...but with a LOT more shit sprinkled in. My Muse took the reigns and veered off the main path into a bumpy side road. I'm just along for the ride now...so, once you reach around chapter fifteen...it's my Muse's fault from there.


	10. Connections

**Chapter Ten** **  
Connections  
**

Somehow, she just knew it wouldn’t be that simple. Cullen leaned over to kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear, “I’ll be right back.”

“Don’t take too long,” she whispered back as he turned and walked back to Bromley. The two men walked off back toward the gardens.

“You must be Cullen’s infatuation.”

Addy turned to see a lovely yet very intimidating woman standing beside her. She wore a simple gown with as little extra flair as possible. She was also wearing flats instead of heels. The way she stood was the way a woman who was used to having to use force to get her point across would stand. Her dark hair was closely cropped with a single braid around the crown of her head. One of her well-kept brows was raised at Addy in question. Her clipped Nevarran accent made her sound grizzled and harsh.

“If what you mean to say is if I am his girlfriend…? Then yes. I am.”

Shock flit through her grey eyes. “Oh, that came off hostile didn’t it?”

“A little bit, yeah.”

She sighed, “it was not intended that way. I merely was making an observation.”

“Addeline,” she held her hand out to the woman.

The woman regarded her hand for a moment before shaking, “Cassandra. I work with Cullen and for Trevelyan.”

“I had gathered that much,” Addy smirked. Cassandra thinned her lips as her cheeks colored a bit. “You hold yourself different from the other ladies here.”

“I should hope so,” Cassandra turned her nose up a bit, “I am a soldier. I have fought in many battles. All of this pomp and ceremony is just bluster to me.”

“Too many noble-blooded people take far too much of their comforts for granted, that is for certain.”

Cassandra tilted her head, “very true. You have eyes similar to Trevelyan’s. Are you perhaps related?”

“Keen observation. Yes, his youngest sibling. Coincidentally also the black-sheep I’m afraid.”

“Hmph,” Cassandra snorted, “a sentiment I can understand. I am seventy-eighth in line to the Nevarran throne. To some, that means far more than it should. It is less than nothing, in reality.”

“Would that, by chance, make you a Pentaghast?”

“Yes,” Cassandra inclined her head. “But I left what little holding I may have possibly had to become a Seeker.”

Addy blinked, “color me very impressed. I thought Cullen being part of the SpecOps was impressive.”

“He is still very admirable. What he faced to overthrow Meredith Stannard was no small feat.”

“No, no…it wasn’t. I know some of the details thanks to Mav. I can only imagine what else needed to be done.”

“Mav?” Cassandra inquired with a thin-lipped frown.

“Mavern Hawke,” Addy supplied, watching the surprise register on the woman’s face.

“You _know_ the Champion personally?”

“She’s one of my closest friends, coincidentally.”

“Then you knew of Cullen before you became intimate?”

Addy faltered, a blush rising without bidding, “uh, n—no. I had no idea that Mav and Cullen knew one another. Let alone that Cullen works for Bromley…”

“You didn’t?” Cassandra was apparently a very curious woman.

“No, so as you can well imagine…tonight has been a very informative evening.”

“I do not envy you,” Cassandra sighed as her attention shifted to behind Addy.

“Ah, Cass, I see you’ve met my younger sister,” Bromley’s voice called out.

Addy watched in amusement as Cass’ cheeks pinkened with a barely seen blush while her eyes narrowed and raised her hackles. “I was merely curious as to who Cullen brought.”

“Curiosity killed the cat…” Bromley stated as he came to stand beside them.

“And satisfaction brought it back,” Addy finished with a smirk. “Don’t use the line if you’re not going to finish it Brom. Did you two have a nice chat?”

Cullen, who stood to the right of Addy now, smiled and nodded before he turned to Cass, “forgive us. We’re a bit tired from all the dramatic turns this evening. Cass, try not to step on Trevelyan’s toes too many times while dancing.”

Cass growled and spun away, storming off into the crowd. Bromley shot Cullen a slightly annoyed look, “she’s _never_ going to break out of that blasted shell if you all don’t stop teasing her.”

“And you will never get her out of the shell if you keep flirting around the subject,” Cullen rose a brow in challenge at Bromley. “You have to know by now she’s a hopeless romantic. So go! Sweep her off her feet! You should be good at that.”

“Says you! I’m not some dashing, damned knight!”

“No, you aren’t. You’re a stuffy noble,” Addy supplied, tipping her nose up.

“You hush!” Bromley snapped with no heat. “Maker save me, you two are going to be the death of me. Aren’t you?”

“Time will tell,” Cullen shrugged.

Bromley rolled his eyes at them, “go away already? Please? I think I’m embarrassed enough for one evening.”

“Ha! You haven’t even seen Evie dancing with the qunari yet!” Addy laughed raucously.

Brom spun away, “she’s _what?!_ In full sight of _mother?!”_

Addy took Cullen’s hand, “shall we?”

Cullen grinned back, “yes. I think so.”

They left a very frazzled Bromley behind as they made their way to the front desk just beyond the ballroom. Cullen checked with the reservation desk and got not only their room but also the location on the map. He then led Addy back outside to retrieve their bags and take the stairs leading up to the General’s Suite Tower. The biting cold of the snowy night was gladly left outside when they stepped into the singular tower on the side of the lodge. It was opposite the other two towers on the other side of the keep. Cullen moved their bags to the small dining table under a window and set them down. Addy rubbed her arms and moved quickly to the fireplace which was already stocked and roaring with a fire.

As her eyes scanned the room, she had the strangest sense of deja-vu. It was as though she recognized this room yet…didn’t. Cullen seemed to be also taking the room in with a pinched brow as well. She turned her back to the fire, and held her palms behind her toward the heat.

“If this is what Bromley reserved for you…I wonder what _his_ must looked like…”

Cullen smirked, “you know your brother. He may be quiet and approachable, but he loves his fancy comforts. He probably has the Inquisitor’s Suite tower.”

“What kind of names are those anyway? Inquisitor? General?”

“This place was once a fort for a large war centuries ago,” Cullen spoke as he crossed the room to her after locking all three doors.

“You’re a history buff, aren’t you?” Addy teased as he neared her, drawing her into his arms.

“War history, specifically.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

“Good question,” he voice was huskier as he lowered his lips toward hers. She didn’t have to push up onto her toes too high due to her heels. Meeting his lips was far easier.

The kiss was sweet and slow. Like stoking the flames slowly and building them up. Cullen’s hands slid over her hips. One moved to cup her backside while the other roamed up to palm a breast through the beaded bodice. Addy moaned as pressed her chest into his hand more insistently. His mouth teased over her jaw and around her neck; peppering her with nibbling love-nips that left her wanting more.

“This dress was a very good choice,” Cullen practically purred as he nipped her collarbone.

There was no way Addy could formulate a coherent thought. She merely nodded and clung to his finely sculpted body. They were wearing far too much clothing for what she needed. Her hands moved to tug at his clothing. He obliged by stepped away. Addy growled at the loss of his touch and heat. He quirked a brow at her and she felt her cheeks flush. She cleared her throat.

“S—sorry.”

“For making the sexiest noise I’ve ever heard? No need to apologize,” Cullen drawled as he yanked his bowtie off and threw it over his shoulder. “I should rather like a nice hot bath tonight…wouldn’t you?”

Addy licked her lips and nodded, “yes please.”

Cullen stooped and plucked her up into his arms. Addy made a yelp in surprise as he lifted her rather unexpectedly. He carried her up the flight of stairs to the bedroom area above. Addy spotted a huge soaker tub set right below a huge window that showed the glorious Frostback Mountains through the snow flurries. It was a _gorgeous_ view. She could somehow tell the window was new. Something added into the tower along with the tub. Cullen laid her up the bed and captured her lips in a quick, searing kiss before he backed away to the tub. He began to get the water flowing, testing the water temperature until he deemed it hot enough before plugging the bathtub. He then rose and turned around. He crooked his finger at her in command. Addy couldn’t say no. She slid from the bed and sauntered over to him, kicking her heels off as she went.

Cullen slid around her and took the zipper on the back of her dress in hand. He slowly slid the enclosure down. Addy had never felt more aroused by a goddamn zipper before. Her spine shuddered as his fingers brushed against her sensitive back. Once she felt the dress go slack, Addy reached up and slid the bodice down. Cullen’s sharp inhale made her smirk to herself. She hadn’t exactly been able to wear a bra in this dress so she’d simply forwent it. She did not regret the choice.

When she turned, Cullen’s eyes were bright with desire as he scanned over her exposed breasts. She reached up and began to unbutton his vest and dress shirt. Her teeth dragged her bottom lip between them. Cullen groaned loudly. Her eyes lifted to his as he looked at her with such obvious want.

“What?” She whispered, not wanting to break the trance.

“Do you have any idea how hot it is when a woman licks her lips or bites her lip while half-naked?”

“…can’t say I’ve ever fantasized something like that,” she giggled softly.

“You are undeniably gorgeous, Addeline. Then you go and do such devastatingly scintillating things before me? How the hell am I ever supposed to maintain a modicum of self-control around you?”

“I don’t want your self-control. I want _all_ of you,” that was about all Addy managed before she let her frustration get the better of her. She yanked his shirt the rest of the way. The buttons popped off with tiny clatters around the room. In the back of her mind, it occurred to her that Cullen might get upset with her over that. However, he didn’t. In fact, he practically tore the clothing from his body in his haste to rid himself of the fabric. Addy shimmied the dress off the rest of the way. She gasped loudly when Cullen grabbed her hips and quickly pulled her panties, garter belt, and stocking down in one go. She stepped out of them. He rose and scooped her up once more. This time, she was more prepared for it.

Her arms looped around his neck and shoulders lazily as he carried her to the tub. He climbed into the large basin of hot water and lowered them both into the water. Addy sighed at the way the water lapped at her already overly sensitive skin. She shifted enough to support her own weight on her knees as Cullen reached to turn the water off. He glided closer to her; the water only reaching his navel. On her, it was mid-belly. He moved behind her and cupped her hands with his wet hands. She moaned and dropped her head back onto his pectoral. Maker but the man’s hands were so well made for bringing a woman such wonderful pleasure. She could feel his hardened arousal poking her lower back.

His fingers rolled and tugged her nipples until she was a panting mess. Then he slid his right hand slowly, tauntingly, down her stomach. He paused over her womb for a moment before sliding lower until he found his prize. She bucked automatically when he touched her pearl and sank two digits within her. His teeth dragged over her ear making her whine in need. She shamelessly rocked onto his hand, seeking that wonderful euphoria only he could give her. Cullen moved his lips to her ear.

“You love it when I fuck you with my fingers, don’t you, Addy?”

She moaned, unable to respond.

“The only thing better than watching you writhe on my hand, is feeling your slick cunt milking my cock…”

Oh…oh shit…she was so close. Cullen’s dirty words were only making her hornier and more desperate to be taken by him. He mumbled in her ear; his voice so deep and gravelly with his lust.

“Mm…come for me, Addy.”

Addy whimpered as her body edged that precipice. His thumb rolled her clit just so and she bowed her back. Her body heeding his command.

“That’s it…just like that,” he praised as he continued to work his fingers inside of her through her orgasm. Once her body slowly crawled back down, he withdrew his fingers. “Maker, I can’t wait to be buried inside of you.”

Addy bent forward, grasping the edge of the tub. “Please…”

She felt the water displace around her as he moved toward her. Her legs trembled as he slowly probed her entrance with the head of his shaft. He leaned over her; chest upon back. She felt his length penetrate her and begin to slide deeper. She moaned and pressed herself back at the same time. Cullen groaned deep in his throat. When their bodied met; Cullen as far as he could possibly go within her…they both sighed.

“Addy…my god…nothing feels as good as you wrapped around me.”

Addy hummed, “nothing feels as good as having you fill me like this.”

Cullen slid back just an inch or two and then eased back into her. Addy whimpered and tried to gently urge him to go a little faster; a little deeper. Cullen held completely still though. Every time she tried to pull further away and slam back onto him, he stilled and wouldn’t budge until she would growl in frustration and stop. He was deliberately keeping his thrusts shallow and sluggish. She had no idea how he could possibly have so much control as she was being driven absolutely nuts. She wanted—no _needed_ him to move faster. To take her harder until she was crying in bliss.

She was nearing her wits-end. A dark chuckle came from her lover before his voice was in her ear, “you seem frustrated, love…is something the matter?”

“You—I need—please!”

He tsked, “what, Addy? _What_ do you need?”

“You!”

“I’m already yours, can’t you tell? I need you to be…a bit…more…articulate,” with each of his last words, he punctuated them with a little harder thrust.

“Fuck me!”

“Hm…” he hummed, “no.”

She whipped her head to the side to look over her shoulder at him, “what?! Y—you can’t—”

“I will not _fuck_ you, Addy. Never again.”

She felt his body still as he stared back at her in complete seriousness. Her heart began to race, but not from their activities. She was suddenly frozen in terror. Was…was he seriously going to tell her it was over while quite literally _balls deep_ inside of her?!

He moved a wet hand up to cup her cheek affectionately. What was this? He was sending her such mixed signals and she was about to lose control over her emotions. Her heart was breaking and she was damn certain it was hurting more right now than when she walked in on Nate and Solona fucking on her bed.

“I’m going to make love to you from now on…”

She blinked, feeling the tears slowly fall anyway. “You…you aren’t…leaving me?”

“No! Maker, no! I was…oh…oh fuck! I was trying to be serious and romantic and I—oh…I buggered that right the hell up, didn’t I? No, love, no. I’m not leaving you. Never.”

Addy released a watery sigh of relief, “oh…thank god…”

“Forgive me?”

“If you make love to me hard and fast, all will be forgiven.”

He grinned back at her, making her arousal stir easily once more. “That…I will _gladly_ do.”

He rotated his hips making her breath hitch before he settled back where he’d been. His hands gripping her hips before he pulled nearly out and then slammed back into her. The water sloshed violently; nearly splashing out of the tub. Addy cried out as he did so again. Cullen then picked up the pace. He began to buck into her with wild abandon. Addy spread her knees a bit further and leaned her torso onto the tub ledge. Her voice was beginning to feel hoarse from all the moans, screams, and cries she made with every thrust of his length into her body. The pace he set was brutal and oh-so-perfect. She could hear his own growling groans, grunts, and shouts. Sometimes obscenities and other times praises about her tight little cunt.

Water was spilling and neither cared. Then Cullen buried his hand against her clit and Addy was seeing stars. She began to writhe more under his touch and his pounding cock. She choked on a mangled scream of his name as she came hard enough she was worried she’d pass out. Cullen roared behind her and slammed into her body hard enough to lift her body up before he stilled. The feeling of his hot seed filling her from within was deliriously wonderful. She never allowed Nate to come inside her. A fact she never hesitated to have Cullen do.

She leaned heavily on the tub side, trying to catch her breath. Cullen was half over her, heaving deep breaths as well. They stayed that way for a long while before either of them realized the water had cooled quite a bit and was _a lot_ lower than it had been before. Cullen withdrew from her and used the same hand he’d had buried against her clit to gently wash away their combined juices from her. He shifted them and turned her around. Addy looked up at him with a lazy, sleepy smile. Cullen lowered his lips to her and kissed her. The kiss made her feel whole; perfect. Like she’d never been broken before. It was slow. Their tongues dancing around one another. When he withdrew his lips from hers, he tucked her into his arms.

“Can you walk?”

She smirked into his chest, “if I said no…would you carry me again?”

“I’d carry you to the ends of the world if you but asked me to.”

Addy was glad her face was already buried in his chest. He didn’t need to see the fresh tears forming from his statement.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure you guys already pretty much figured out that she was a Trevelyan. Things are definitely going to get complicated! I posted early today since I'm heading to my hubby's work for a special Worksgiving potluck his wonderful boss is putting on! She loves to see our kiddos so we're going to go hang out there. Love you, my dears!


	11. Self-Contemplation

**Chapter Eleven**   
**Self-Contemplation**

_She always slept so peacefully beside him. He could understand. He hardly dreamt beside her either. Her hair laid across her face as she breathed evenly. Reaching out, he brushed the hair aside. His eyes took in every detail of her lithe form. The ring on her leather cord caught the light just right. He smiled proudly at the small band. His heart was so full. He leaned over and kissed her brow. She stirred and opened an eye to look at him._

_He watched her as she woke. Then his heart broke as her lip quivered and she moved to hide her tears. Pulling her to him, he kissed her head._

_“Shh…”_

_“But I can’t—I can’t give you children. How am I to live with that?”_

_“If children were all I wanted from you, then you’d have every right to run me through with my own sword.”_

_“But—”_

_He pressed his fingers to her lips, “love, my heart…you are what I care about. Yes, I also feel the sadness that we cannot have children. But I have you and that will always be a dream come true.”_

_“I love you,” she whispered as she moved onto her right elbow. Her left arm from the elbow down having been missing for some time now._

_“And I you. Forever and always.”_

Cullen opened his eyes. He took in his surroundings. The dream lingered in his mind for a bit before the details became fuzzy and blurred. He couldn’t remember the woman’s face. But he recalled the conversation and the phantom pain of loss tugged at his heart. He shook his head as he looked at the woman lying beside him. Addy hand one hand curled before her lips and the other under her cheek. He shifted to his side, propping his head up on his hand. His elbow pushed into the pillow as he reached over to run his fingers over Addy’s sleeping face.

The events of the night before made him smile. He couldn’t place what it was about Addy that made him simply feel…completely unreserved. The way she’d moved with him as he’d rocked into her? He cleared his throat as his desire came upon him full-force. Maker, she could undo him without any effort. He’d never lain with a woman quite so…enthusiastic. Solona always demanded he pleasure her repeatedly first before she could allow him into her body. Then she’d be upset if he took too long himself. The few dalliances here or there were just quick tumbles. A means to an end for both parties involved.

Addy was the exception to the rules. All of them. He recalled his conversation with Bromley the night before.

_Cullen paused in the garden doorway, “I have two sisters of my own. I already know what you wish to say. Before you say anything, know that I have no intention of hurting her. Ever. If it comes to it and it looks as though we aren’t suited…I’ll let her go. I…I care about her and what’s best for her.”_

_“And if she doesn’t want you to let her go?”_

_“I’m not certain there’s anything I could deny her, Bromley.”_

_“Do you love her?”_

_“…that’s not an entirely fair question, now is it?”_

_Bromley turned to him with a deep frown, “how is it not?”_

_“Were I to ask the same of you and Cass?”_

_Bromley opened his mouth as though to argue before he sighed and nodded, “you’re right. There’s not been enough time to say for certain. She—you know what happened to her then?”_

_“Her pig of a fiancé cheated on her.”_

_“Yes,” Bromley nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets._

_“Did_ you _know that she walked in on him doing so in their bed? That they knew she was there and just continued as though they didn’t care?”_

_“…what?” Bromley’s voice changed; disbelief at first edged with a deadly anger. “She…actually had to witness them?”_

_“Yes, and not only that…I was the one Solona was with at the time. I happened to still be deployed.”_

_“…Solona Amell was the other woman?!”_

_“You didn’t know that either, I take it?”_

_“No! What—that scathing, conniving little bitch!!”_

_“She’s apparently going to marry the bastard in Addy’s stead. Although, it seems rather fitting. They deserve one another and I hope they wind up hating one another.”_

_Bromley shook his head, “no. You don’t understand, Cullen. The Amell family and the Trevelyan family have been friends, allies, and business partners for generations. For an Amell to betray a Trevelyan in such a fashion is beyond words. If mother—” Bromley’s face shifted to the blank look that meant he was about to go to war. “I must have a few words with my mother. You don’t need my blessing, Cullen. You’re both adults, even if I can scarcely imagine my baby sister as an adult… It’s not my place. But I do hope you’ll take care of her heart for me.”_

_“So long as I draw breath, I shall protect her.”_

_Cullen felt the words as they left him. It was as though he’d spoken them before. He shook the strange feeling off and they left the gardens._

“You look lost in thought…”

Cullen blinked and refocused his vision. He dropped his gaze from the wall across the room to the beauty looking up at him. “I was thinking over my conversation with Bromley last night.”

“What did you two talk about? Let me guess, _‘break her heart and I’ll break you?’_ That sort of talk?”

“Mm, somewhat.”

“Somewhat?”

“Don’t worry over it, Addy,” he leaned over and kissed her brow. She shifted and hooked her thigh over his hip. He rolled over with a smirk as she settled over him. “Mm, as much as I do love this view…your sister wished to meet with you for tea this morning. To talk.”

“She can wait.”

Cullen rose his brows but any thought faded as she slowly sank onto his hardened length. Cullen groaned and grasped her hips. Addy braced herself on his chest. She began to ride him slowly. He thrust into her and she moaned in the way that made his blood heat further. He repeated the thrusting motion again and Addy mewled. Maker he could get used to such sounds. She picked up the pace, now bouncing on him. He hissed through his teeth as he used his restraint to hold back from slamming her down on him with his grip on her hips. He wasn’t ready to take it up to that notch just yet.

Addy the rolled her hips just so and he swore loudly before his control snapped like a rubber band. He began to bounce her on his shaft with fervor. The slapping of their flesh, the sounds of her moans, and his grunting groans filled the room. He felt his end approach so quickly. He tensed as he suddenly came inside of her. With a broken groan and rhythm, he ground into her as he emptied himself deep inside of her.

Addy gyrated until she gasped and keened. He felt her walls clamp around him. He loved the way her body would take everything he had to give. He relaxed beneath her as she sat astride him, catching her breath. She smirked down at him then.

“Good morning.”

A laugh exploded from him before he could stop it, “good morning to you too!”

“Best wake up ever,” she sighed.

“I’m glad you feel that way. I certainly enjoyed it.”

“Mm, I can tell.”

Cullen chuckled, flipping her over quickly. She released the most adorable squeal as he pinned her with his hips. He then kissed her soundly. She moaned into his mouth and wrapped her legs and arms around him. He recalled this feeling from his couch just a week before. Maker, was it really only a week? It felt like months, hell _years_ , since he’d met her. They broke the kiss and he pecked the tip of her nose.

“You should really get up and get dressed, Addy.”

She sighed, “I know. I’m trying to draw it out.”

“The longer you draw this out, the longer you have to wait to hear what she has to say. If you don’t like it, all you have to do is get up and leave. But I think you’ll find you may be surprised. Your sister seemed like she was of a similar mind as Bromley.”

“…she did?”

He saw it. The hesitancy—the fear—in Addy’s eyes. Cullen’s hands cupped her face and she covered his hands with her own smaller ones as she waited for his response, “yes. She did. Are you more worried over your sister than you were over Bromley?”

Addy averted her gaze, “I always looked up to Evie, Cul. She was always my safety net before Jax…then…then when…it all fell apart. I _lost_ her. I don’t know how to cope with whatever she may say. What if—what if she is trying to politely tell me to go fuck myself?”

“Then remind her you have a very willing man to do that for you,” he teased before turning serious, “you are a strong, amazing, powerful woman. You don’t give yourself enough credit. If anyone can’t see that, they don’t deserve to be a part of your life.”

“I—” Addy shook her head, “thank you. I’ll go ahead and get dressed then. Where will you be when I’m done?”

Cullen pulled free of her body, letting her up to leave the bed. “If I’m not here, I’ll probably be somewhere around the ballroom. I need to make sure things are being properly handled around here. Call it my workaholic and paranoid side.”

“If you have even a fraction of the passion for your job that you display between the bedsheets…I can see _why_ you’re so good at your job.”

Cullen blushed at the compliment, rubbing his neck. “I—er---thanks?”

Addy quickly washed herself with a damp cloth before she retrieved some clothing from the bags he’d brought up sometime last night. Cullen watched her dress as he lounged in the bed. She tugged her hair up and glanced in the mirror. He chuckled at the sneer she gave herself.

“Ugh, I should have washed my face last night.”

“You were a bit preoccupied.”

“True,” she met his gaze through the mirror. He smirked back at that mischievous little wink she sent him. She touched up her makeup before she walked over and kissed him chastely. “See you in a bit.”

“See you in a bit, love.”

She spun to look at him in shock. He couldn’t blame her. As soon as the word _love_ left his mouth, his entire body ceased all function. He didn’t remember how to breathe as he met her stunned look. She blinked at him and he didn’t know what to do. Did he apologize? Did he take it back? Something inside of him growled and rallied against the notion. Instead, he waited with baited breath. She turned away from him. He wanted to hide himself then. It stung more than anticipated when she started down the stairs without another word. He frowned and glared at his lap.

“Be good, love!”

He blinked as he registered what she’d hollered back up the stairs. A stupid grin spread over his face as he flopped back onto the bed. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Sometime between ten and fifteen minutes later, he dragged himself from bed to wash and dress. He tugged his jeans and warm sweater on. He thumbed his woolen, hand-knit socks his sister had made him last year. Once those were on, he tugged on his boots. Cullen trudged out onto the snow-covered walkway. His breath fogged before his face. His eyes scanned the horizon and surroundings.

He could see some of the ski lifts a little further down the mountain and away from the lodge. They were active in the crisp mid-morning. He glanced down toward the small little café/restaurant the lodge had. It boasted of rustic eats and old-world charm. He didn’t really want to pass by the opportunity to try it out. As silly as it may have been, Cullen was feeling a bit of geeky giddiness. Being so surrounded by the very same walls that had once held a very famous army of the past was astounding. The fact that the place still stood was beyond comprehension. He made his way down the steps and over to the restaurant. He stepped inside, kicked the snow from his boots. He spotted Bull sitting off in a corner with some of the other men. Cullen moved over to them.

Bull kicked out a chair with a grin, “’bout time you dragged your ass out of bed. Not that I can blame you.”

Cullen felt his cheeks warm a bit as he sat down, “uh…yeah, well—”

“He was busy getting laid last night,” a familiar female voice made Cullen grimace. She laughed in response, “I can still get such amusing expressions out of you, Curly!”

“Hawke, must you?” He sighed, pinching his nose bridge, “besides. Weren’t you here with Varric? What of that little arrangement?”

He expected a rebuttal or some kind of snorted response. When silence met his ears, he glanced over to where the dark-haired woman sat. She was studiously glaring out the nearby window. To his great amusement, she was _blushing_. Cullen barked out a laugh. He received a bread roll to the face but he really didn’t care. Bull snickered as he drank something from a huge mug.

“Oh shut the hell up, Rutherford,” Hawke groused as she took a huge swig of her own mug. “Be glad I know you well enough not to threaten your ball sack for shagging my best friend.”

Cullen’s laughter died off. He cleared his throat as a waitress approached. He put in an order for breakfast with coffee. It was delivered with haste and he was more than a little pleased by the taste. It was a warm, spiced bowl of sweet-honeyed oats. A few pieces of toasted bread with butter and a selection of late harvest fruits. His coffee was delivered in an old wooden tankard. He smirked at that little detail.

He ate a good portion of his food before he decided to bridge the conversation gap that was lingering in his head. “Hawke, how _do_ you know Addy?”

“Addy and I met in the army. It didn’t take long to realize she knew my second cousin.”

“Your second cousin?” Cullen asked as he felt his stomach begin to tighten. He was piecing it together and that didn’t help his gut.

“Solona Amell,” Hawke made a very disgusted face, “stupid cunt that she is.”

Cullen frowned, “I take it there is no love lost between you?”

“Are you kidding me?” Hawke slammed her mug down with an angry look. “She’s the biggest bitch to the known universe. I _hate_ her. If she took a swan dive from the highest mountain, I’d stand at the bottom clapping and cheering her demise. Hell, I’d assign point-values to how gloriously she splattered!”

“Whoa, that’s some hatred there. What’d she do?” Bull inquired as he frowned over his mug.

“Solona tried to murder me when we were kids. Because my father wasn’t _noble_ , the Amells were a bit peeved. So, during one of our visits, Sol shoved me onto the ice-covered pond in the Amell backyard. I didn’t know how to swim and it was below freezing. I nearly drowned before my father managed to retrieve me and get me out of the danger zone of hypothermia. He was a clinic doctor. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

When I enlisted in the army, I had a long-term boyfriend. Not long after I left, he called me to tell me it was over. Turns out he _fell in love_ with my stupid-ass cousin. When she didn’t return his so-called love after their night of passion, he tried to get me back. He even told me that she seduced him then told him she was done with him. Then come to find out, my best friend I’d made during our time serving side-by-side, got cheated on by her fiancé. With guess who?”

Cullen dropped his gaze to the table. How had he never seen this side of Solona when he was with her? As he thought on it, he realized…maybe he had. She was very judgmental. He just excused it more often than not. He’d allowed his love-fogged perception of her to cloud his own perception. Whenever they had a disagreement, he always apologized and begged her forgiveness. Even when she was clearly the aggressor. She told him that she could do better than him if she really wanted to. He believed her. How long did he let her control his life like that? Did he really believe he was in love with her?

His hand tightened on the mug. What a damned moron he was. He’d wanted to marry her! In a clarity he’d not had in years, Cullen realized what a blessing in disguise it all was. Had he married Solona, he would have wound up miserable and hating himself. She still would have cheated on him. But would he have had the backbone to walk away then? Probably not. His devotion to his marriage would have made him stick it out. He didn’t even hear his name called. It wasn’t until he felt a small, warm hand on his shoulder that he snapped out of his self-contemplating thoughts. He turned and looked up. Hazel eyes, bright with concern and something else he couldn’t quite place, looked back into his.

He realized she must have been saying something to him. A sense of calm, quiet, and peace settled over him as he looked into Addy’s lovely face. “Sorry, I missed that. I was deep in thought.”

“I could see that. I asked what you were up to. May I join you?”

Cullen smiled up at her, “I’d like that.”

* * *


	12. Unhappy Reunion

**Chapter Twelve  
** **Unhappy Reunion**

Hawke watched when Rutherford checked out. Probably absorbing all the little details she’d just shared about her second cousin. She didn’t realize that he’s been with her cousin. So she chalked it up to his usual overanalyzing self. He didn’t get to become a master battle tactician and Colonel in the fucking Marines because he was easy on the eyes. He had a brilliant mind _made_ for war. She admired him, really. In her time in Kirkwall, trying to help weed out the insurgents…she’d found the Colonel to be very helpful. He had a unique stance on most of the events. Although at first he was a complete asshole who could only see one side of the picture, she watched him slowly change that opinion. Whatever happened to him before he was assigned to Kirkwall had made him very prejudiced.

When they found that Stannard was behind the insurgent issue; that she’d fabricated the entire thing? Mav had been so damn pissed she wanted to kill the bitch right there. The marines had stood in the way until Rutherford told them to stand down. He’d turned on his general. In the end, they brought her down. She took a vile poison that made her go absolutely nucking futs. Mav had no choice but to kill the woman.

So here she was, in an old-world tavern with the very same Colonel she’d known years before. He was so out of it; he didn’t hear when Addy came in. Nor did he seem to realize she’d called his name three times before she touched his shoulder. He turned to look up at Addy.

“Sorry, I missed that. I was deep in thought.”

“I could see that. I asked what you were up to. May I join you?” Addy asked with a soft tone.

Mav raised her left brow at the way Cullen suddenly smiled up at Addy. Like she was the only person in the room. “I’d like that.”

Addy’s answering look before she slid into the seat beside him was one Mav hadn’t seen on her face before. She’d watched Addy talk with giddy excitement about her loser ex-fiancé. But there was always a hesitancy in her. Here, with Rutherford, Addy was completely warm and fully there. No hesitancy or nervousness. Mav turned away to smile into her mug. Addy probably didn’t even realize it yet; but Mav could see it clear as day. Addeline Trevelyan was in love with none other than Colonel Cullen Rutherford. From the looks of it, he was just as in love with Addy as well.

Varric flopped beside her, nudging her ribs. “You’re making that face again.”

“What face?” Mav asked innocently.

“The one you make when you’ve figured something out.”

“Oh, that one.”

“Yeah, that one.”

“Maybe I did just solve a little puzzle.”

“Was it hard to solve?” Varric snickered, “after all, I think it’s plain as day.”

“What do you even think I’m talking about?” She eyed her other best friend.

“Curly and his lovely new girlfriend.”

“Sometimes I wish you didn’t know me so well.”

“You didn’t seem to mind too much last night,” Varric muttered as he drank from his own beverage.

Mav tried to ignore the blush on her cheeks, “yeah, yeah…”

“You know we have to talk about that later, right?”

“…yeah. But I really think it can wait for now.”

“Good. I really don’t know what to think right now anyways…”

“That makes two of us,” Mav sighed as she sipped her coffee some more while watching the two love-birds talk and laugh about god only knew what.

…

“So how did the talk with your sister go?” Cullen asked as he packed his bag once more.

Addy sat down on the edge of the bed, zipping her dress into its protective bag she’d packed. “It went…surprisingly well.”

“Well that’s good.”

“Yeah…it is. She apologized for things said. I feel really weird now.”

“How so?” Cullen turned to look at her.

“Well, it’s like…I suddenly got part of my family back overnight. I can’t believe mother didn’t even tell them that Nate had cheated on me. Instead, she said I left because—” Addy paused, anger overriding her senses. She sensed Cullen’s eyes on her; patiently waiting for her to finish. “She said I left because I was unsatisfied with my dowry and demanded more. That I blew up because I wouldn’t receive more so I cut ties and ran away.”

Something thudded on the floor and Addy looked up. She saw Cullen shaking. She’d never seen him so angry before. Addy started to slightly regret telling him. Rising slowly, she moved toward him. Her hand slid onto his chest.

“Cul, it’s okay…”

“Okay!? How that possibly be okay?! Your own _mother_ said such vile things about you?! _LIED_ about her own child?! What kind of pit viper does that?!”

Addy felt a bit stung by his words even if he was right. Ysolde Trevelyan was still her mother. What hurt most was the fact she _couldn’t_ defend her mother. Hanging her head, Addy bit her bottom lip. Cullen sighed and pulled her to him tightly.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—she’s your mother. I got carried away.”

“You’re right though,” Addy mumbled against his chest. “She _is_ horrible. And I still love her despite it all.”

“That’s because you are the most amazing person I’ve ever met, Addy.”

“That means a lot coming from you.”

He snorted, “not sure how.”

“Because you are the strongest person I know, Cul.”

Addy felt his arms tighten around her before he stepped back. He smiled, “we should finish getting packed. The sooner we start down the mountain, the sooner we can get home.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

They got everything packed up and made their way to the check-out desk. Bromley, Cass, and two other women were already standing there. The man behind the desk was looking at the four apologetically. Cullen spoke up when they reached the desk.

“What’s going on?”

Bromley turned, “the mountain pass is closed for an indeterminable amount of time.”

“What? Why? What happened?” Addy asked, her heart fluttering in her chest.

“Avalanche,” Cass sighed. “A truly bad one as well. Seemed to have happened sometime early this morning. The road crews are working on it, but it may take days before they can reopen the roads.”

“So…what does that mean for us?” Addy hedged, tilting her head as she asked.

A lovely woman with light red hair spoke up, “we will simply have to stay here longer. What of the food supplies?” She asked in her Orlesian lilt of the concierge desk-man.

“We store up meats and supplies for just this type of occasion. We also run upon a separate electrical grid with backup generators. We have enough to last a full month, possibly two. But since avalanches happen every year, at most we must wait around a week tops. We will gladly keep your accommodation open and even offer half the rates as usual.”

Bromley nodded, “we will all be staying. I don’t want to risk any of my employees. Please charge the account opened with you for the rooms. In the meantime,” he turned back to the others, “I’ll need you all to inform everyone else. Josephine, please handle those in the upper wings. Leliana, please inform those that roomed in the lower wings. Cullen, can you inform those gathered in the old tavern? Cass—”

“I’m already sending out a group message to all employees to convene in the ballroom for announcement.”

Addy smirked at the impressed look Bromley gave the tall woman. Apparently it didn’t go unnoticed by the other two women either. The red-head smirked with the darker complexioned woman cleared her throat and hid a knowing smile.

“Thank you, Cass,” Bromley managed before he clapped his hands. “All right. Let’s be off to it, then.”

“Of course,” the red-head bowed her head and left to get to her task.

Addy walked with Cullen to the tavern she’d found him in earlier that morning. Once inside, Cullen whistled sharply, moving to the head of the room. He stood with his arms behind his back. He instantly took on the air of a man in charge. Addy found herself wanting to swoon at the commanding presence of her boyfriend. He addressed the room with curt, precise words and then asked them in a way that broached no question to gather in the main ballroom for further announcement. As the people shuffled out, Addy stood off to the side. He approached her and fisted his shirt, yanking him down into a kiss. He made a soft, muffled sound before returning her kiss. When he pulled back, he raised his brows.

“What was that for?”

“I’ll tell you later.”

“I—okay…?”

She slid her hand into his and giggled as they walked back to the main hall where the ballroom was. They joined the crowded area and stood somewhat back as Bromley moved to stand on a raised platform. Addy listened half-heartedly to the announcement. After all, she already knew most of what he was saying. After he finished his speech, people began to mull about. Several went to place their bags back in their rooms and so forth. Cullen leaned down and whispered to her that he needed to go speak with Bromley quickly. She inclined her head and released his arm. He kissed her cheek and waded through the people toward her elder brother.

Addy turned and walked into the rookery tea-room. She’d found out from the map that it connected to one of the paths to the tower room she and Cullen would be sharing once more. Her eyes were drawn to the artwork on the walls. She paused and stared at the murals. A stirring sensation in her gut made her frown. She’d seen these before. Where had she seen these before? In a gallery? An art text book? College? It was bothering her deeply when she bumped into someone as she was unconsciously walking slowly around the room.

“Oh!” She quickly moved to rebalance the person she bumped into. “I’m so sorry! I wasn’t paying attention!”

“I should say!”

Addy ceased up. Her body clamped down; her limbs immovable.

“What is the matter with y—wait, Addeline?”

Addy swallowed thickly as she looked at the older woman before her. Long, greying brunette hair was carefully styled upon the woman’s head. Her pressed trousers and blouse were obviously expensively tailored. The glittering jewelry was no doubt authentic diamonds set into real gold. That perfume…the scent she knew so well. It once gave her such comfort.

“M—mother.”

The Lady Trevelyan stepped back and looked over her youngest with a critical eye. “What sort of distasteful ensemble is this?”

Addy dropped her leaden hands to her sides. Her comfortable leggings tucked into knee high boots with a long sleeve shirt and long sweater jacket with scarf looked cute to Addy. Now she felt that usual self-consciousness wash over that only her mother could bring upon her. “I…it’s…warm.”

“Warmth does not a lady make! What are you doing here? Did Bromley bring you here?”

Addy suddenly felt an astounding need to protect Cullen from this woman. Especially her scrutiny. “Does it much matter? I’m here. That’s all that matters in the end.”

“Is that any way to speak to your mother, girl?” Lady Trevelyan snapped.

A strange strength came from the knowledge she had Cullen just in the next room. Squaring her shoulders, Addy glared down her nose at her so-called mother. “That is a good question. Perhaps you should ask the woman who birthed me.”

The sting of her mother’s hand across her cheek was sharp. The sound of the slap echoed in the room. It was then that Addy realized they had an audience.

“My, my…how absolutely dreadful!” A man tsked as he seemingly slid out of the shadows of the room.

Lady Trevelyan turned to regard him, “do I know you?”

“Oh, where are my manners? Dorian Pavus of Minrathous,” he swept a grand bow to them. The name clicked in Addy’s head. One of the few Tevinter families that actually had a good reputation still after the wars of the past.

“Well, Lord Pavus, as you must see, this is nothing that should concern you. If you’d please grant us some privacy to handle our familiar affairs?”

Dorian’s eyes narrowed, “I’m afraid I cannot do that. You see, I’m not quite fond of parental abuses upon their children. No matter how grown they may be.”

“Abuses?!”

“Whatever else would you call a slap that horrific? No, I do believe it is _you_ who should take your leave, _my lady_.” Dorian drawled as he moved up beside Addy, “good heavens! It’s already bruising!”

The sudden panic on her mother’s face was worth every second. Lady Trevelyan moved to grab Addy’s jaw but this stranger grabbed her wrist so quickly that Addy hadn’t seen him move.

“How dare you?! Release me at once!! Do you even know who I am?!” Her mother screeched in rage.

“You forfeit any motherly affection or rights to touch your daughter after hitting her. Leave. Lest I make this scene for more dramatic.”

“What is the meaning of this?!” Bromley’s voice boomed as he strode into the room. “Dorian, what is happening?”

“Oh, this is _your_ mother? How dreadful. You see, I witnessed the nastiest of events. I would seem your mother enjoys slapping her children…”

Bromley frowned and turned to their mother, “please release her, Dorian.”

“Of course,” Dorian released Lady Trevelyan. He wiped his hand on his pants as though disgusted just by touching the woman. Addy would have giggled if not for the pain in her cheek. She felt a warm trickle and reached up to touch it. She hissed as she felt the sting of a cut. Her fingers came away bloodied.

“This is beyond the realm of decency, mother!” Bromley growled, “you’ve struck Addy?! Why!?”

“She slandered me!”

“How so?!” Addy snapped. “By denying you as my _mother_?! What kind of person lies about their own children to drag them through the mud?! Who sells her child like a whore for breeding?!”

“You did the whoring all yourself! I had nothing to do with _that!_ You cannot place the blame upon _me_ that you did not save yourself for your marriage!” Lady Trevelyan snarled.

Addy lunged as her anger finally snapped. Strong arms caught her and hauled her backwards. She screamed and fought the tight hold.

“It’s not worth it right now, Addy.”

As though a flame snuffed out, she felt her ire dance away like the smoking remains of a candlestick. Cullen. Cullen held her. She relaxed into his hold. The emotions were all too much. She felt like she was going to crack and begin to break before so many eyes. She’d always hated crying in front of others. It made her feel so fucking _weak_. Lady Trevelyan flicked her gaze over Addy and Cullen’s arms around her. Her gaze sharpened and Addy knew something was coming.

“Had I realized what a bloody slut my own daughter would have become, I would have disowned you long ago. How much did you pay for her, young man? Was it even worth it?”

“THAT IS ENOUGH!”

Everyone flinched under Bromley’s explosion. The Trevelyan male was seething.

“Go to you room,” he growled at their mother.

“I will do no—”

“I’m not asking.”

Lady Trevelyan blinked before she huffed and spun on her heel. She stormed from the room with an overzealous door slamming. Bromley turned to follow her. Cullen’s frame was so tense that Addy nearly winced. He was almost holding her too tightly. Dorian cleared his throat.

“Perhaps you should remove the murder from your eyes, Cullen? It’s certainly not your most fetching expression.”

Addy craned her neck around to look up at Cullen. His jaw was clenched so tightly, it looked painful.

“Dorian…keep that fucking bitch as far away from Addy as you possibly can.” Cullen’s voice was quiet. Deadly calm. It scared the shit out of Addy. It didn’t even really register that he’d just referred to her mother in such a way.

Dorian nodded, “of course, Cullen. Forgive me, my lady. I didn’t mean to cause such a fuss just—”

“Please,” Addy shook her head, “you stepped in and helped me. I cannot thank you enough.”

Cullen relaxed his hold on her and she was able to step just enough away to breathe a little easier. Dorian turned to leave after a quick goodbye. Addy turned around to face Cullen and felt the full weight of his rage-clouded expression.

“If we don’t leave here now, I’m going to do something I’d rather not.”

Addy nodded and took his hand. She led him quietly back to the tower they’d stayed in. Once safely inside, she released his hand.

“Cullen?”

“I should have let you hit her after all. What a wicked woman.”

Addy hugged herself, shrugging. What could she say? That her mother hadn’t meant what she’d said? Lady Trevelyan weighed her words carefully. She meant what she said when she said it. A lady always did; or so she’d taught both Addy and Evelyn. Addy tried not to let it sink in, but she was having the hardest time not letting the words hurt. Cullen stepped closer and gently drew her into the safety of his arms. In that moment, the dams broke. She sobbed into his chest. He lowered them to the floor so that she crawl into his lap as she let herself break down.

…

_“There you are,” arms slid around her from behind. She tipped her head back onto his shoulder. The view from the large balcony was stunning to say the least._

_“You found me.”_

_A snort, “I always do.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“What? To always find you?”_

_“Mm,” she nodded._

_“I will_ always _find you, love.”_

_She closed her eyes, “I’m holding you to that.”_

Addy woke. She was warm, comfortable, and parched. Her head ached though. Sitting up slowly, she blinked in the darkened room. A glass of water sat beside her on the nightstand. She took it into her hand and sipped at it. The soft crackling of a fire downstairs made her slide from the bed. She shivered slightly at the chill of the floor on her socked feet. Hugging her sweater tighter around herself, she descended the stairs. She reached the bottom step and spotted Cullen reading in one of the chairs. He looked up at her.

“You’re awake.”

“Did I fall asleep on you?”

“Yes,” he shut his book and studied her. “Do you need anything?”

“Food. And a stiff drink.”

Cullen smiled, “I can definitely help with that. You okay to go to the tavern?”

“Very.”

“Let’s go,” he stood up.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I kind of hate her mother. Nevermind. I very much hate her mother. And there will be some more snippets from other characters and more from Hawke as well! Much love!


	13. These Dreams

**Chapter Thirteen** **  
These Dreams**

The tavern was far livelier than earlier. Cullen assumed it was due to their current situation. He led Addy to a table and held the seat out for her. She flashed him an adorable smile as she sat down. His heart did a flip in his chest. Sinking into his own seat, he picked up the food list that was at every table. He held it out to her and she took it with an utterance of thanks.

“What looks good to you?” He inquired as her eyes scanned the menu.

“Hmm…honestly? With the snowy weather and being basically stranded here, a nice bowl of creamy soup sounds really good.”

“I agree,” he moved his hand across the table to take her free hand in his. She looked up at him over her menu. “I should have asked you earlier. Are you doing a little better now?”

“No,” she answered bluntly, “my mother called me a whore. I’m not sure how else to take such a harsh thing said about me. Especially by the one person who should love me unconditionally. But there’s nothing I can do, is there? I can’t ever forget such words. I can never erase them from existence. So what’s done is done.”

He squeezed her hand, “I wish my mother were here. She’d not only give that woman a piece of her mind, but then shoo you into the kitchen and cook up a feast unlike any other. All hearty Ferelden meals, of course.”

“She sounds like she’s the best.”

“She was,” Cullen smiled.

“Oh,” Addy’s smile wavered. “I—I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. She caught the blighted illness that swept over the southern borders of Ferelden when I was in boot camp. She loved with everything she had and then some. Always taking in stray children as her own and making certain no belly went unfilled.”

Cullen could feel the warmth of his own mother’s memory blooming in his chest. He cleared his throat, realizing how insensitive he may be sounding. Here he was boasting about his wonderful mother to the woman whose own mother just spewed the vilest of accusations upon her.

“My mother wasn’t always so…” Addy waved the menu around as though that explained what she lacked in vocabulary to speak. She sighed and set the menu down, “she was once my _mommy_. Now she’s a stranger.”

“She was never a _mommy_ ,” came the soft sigh from behind Addy. Cullen raised his gaze to the elder Trevelyan sister as she motioned to the seat beside Addy. “May I?”

Addy scooted over and nodded, “of course.”

Cullen felt a little shamed by the swell of pride from the fact that Addy refused to release his hand.

Evelyn smiled and sat demurely, folding her hands atop the table. “I seem to recall wet-nurses taking care of us through our younger years.”

“True,” Addy lowered her gaze to their joined hands upon the table. She ran her thumb over his knuckles. The small motion set butterflies afloat within his belly. “You braided my hair, tucked me in most nights, and also sang me lullabies.”

“You were the prettiest babe,” Evelyn spoke wistfully. “Like a porcelain doll.”

Addy snorted, “lovely image.”

“Well you were, like it or not.” Evelyn cleared her throat, “what mother said, Leelee…”

“Please don’t.”

“Oh don’t you give me that,” Evelyn huffed, “what she said was horrendous. You can’t believe a word of it.”

“I don’t, but it doesn’t stop it from stinging.”

“No, no it doesn’t,” Evelyn inclined her head, “nothing will ever stop that. If it helps, she’s rather outraged at me as well.”

“Her perfect angel? How is that even possible?” Addy mumbled as the waitress came over and took all three orders. Evelyn smirked, her eyes turning into glittering orbs of pure mirth. Cullen _knew_ that look. He’d seen it on Addy’s face multiple times.

“You know that dashing qunari about? The Iron Bull?”

Cullen groaned, “oh no…”

“Oh, I assure you. It was an, _‘oh yes,’_ most of the evening.”

Addy’s jaw dropped, “you—with a qunari?! And mother knows?!”

Evelyn cackled, throwing her head back, “oh you should have seen her face! I didn’t know a person could get so red!!”

Cullen covered his face with his free hand. “Does Bromley know yet…?”

“Heh, of course he does. I told him thus,” Evelyn tossed her hair over her shoulder as the waitress delivered their drinks. Evelyn sipped her tea.

“How did he take it?” Addy hedged as she used her one hand to pour a bit of cream and sugar into her coffee. Cullen started to release her hand for her to use and she tightened her hold.

“He attempted to lecture me. However he was quickly reminded that he is the _younger_ sibling. I am second oldest and therefore I may do whatever I wish with whoever I desire. This isn’t the Dragon Age any longer, you know?”

“I’m unsure what to say here,” Cullen groused.

Evelyn snickered, “why not start with explaining how you two met? I must say, you make a dashing couple.”

“I—uh—we bumped into each other?” Cullen started sheepishly, rubbing his neck. “I sort of…hit her with a door.”

“You did not. Pup accidently hit me with a door.“

“Pup? Who is Pup?” Evelyn asked curiously.

“My mabari.”

“Oh! You have a mabari? Oh, they are such loyal darlings with the largest eyes.” Evelyn sighed, smiling broadly.

“I do,” Cullen nodded, “I found him abandoned in Orlais. He didn’t fit in there; nor did I. So I took him home with me.”

“Orlais is a lovely country,” Evelyn spoke as she looked over to where Bull was standing.

“If by lovely you mean a lovely, writhing sea of snakes and worms…” Addy murmured.

Cullen grinned at Addy. He kept finding more and more reasons for falling in love with her. That thought screeched to such a sudden halt in his brain he nearly gave himself a headache. Evelyn turned to give Addy a look.

“As I said, the _country_ is lovely. I didn’t say I cared much for the inhabitants. There are some who aren’t so bad however.”

“Name one,” Addy challenged.

“Leliana,” Cullen and Evelyn spoke at the same time. All three table inhabitants look at one another.

“How do you know Leliana?” Cullen asked first.

Evelyn laughed, “I met her not long after I met Josephine at a salon in Antiva. We’ve taken tea together several times whenever it aligns in our schedules. In fact, I introduced Leliana, Josephine, and Bromley.”

“Why does everyone in my life know everyone else and nobody thought to tell me?!” Addy blurted, shaking her head.

“You’ve been out of contact with us for nearly three months, Addy…” Evelyn gently reminded her.

“Why didn’t Jax tell me then?”

Evelyn pursed her lips, “good question.”

“Mind if I sit?”

Bull stood over their table. Cullen moved over and motioned for the large man to sit. Bull took the seat and grinned at Evelyn with a wink. Evelyn giggled into her tea. Addy groaned as though disgusted.

“You’re so obvious, it’s kind of gross, Evie.”

Evelyn turned to stare pointedly at Cullen and Addy’s joined hands. “Really now? And you aren’t?”

“I’m dating him,” Addy defended.

“And I’m sure that includes several other perks as well, Leelee.”

Addy blushed, growling under her breath about pushing sisters. Cullen coughed into his fist. Evelyn chuckled as she watched them both squirm. Cullen wasn’t certain how to feel about this new element. Mia was hard enough to handle with her teasing. Did he really have to add another elder sister with the knack for teasing to the mix?

“I’m not a prude, Leelee. I’m also no fresh maiden either. I simply haven’t wed because I don’t really desire that life.”

Bull set his mug down, “that’s good news for me then.”

“I suppose so,” Evelyn purred.

“I always did have a thing for red-heads,” Bull grinned.

Evelyn laughed, “rest assured, Bull. We’re as feisty as all the rumors say we are.”

“Are you sure you want to sit here and take this? We can leave. Seriously. The door is _right over there._ ” Addy pointed to the door behind her.

Cullen laughed, despite himself, “it’s not the worst conversation I’ve ever had to be roped into.”

“Easy for you to say. It’s not your older sister teasing you and hinting at her sexcapades,” Addy stated miserably.

“No, but my own elder sister would be just as annoying. Trust me. Mia wouldn’t stop demanding to know when I—” he faltered, realizing what he’d been about to say. Not to mention the sudden curious sets of eyes on him from his table occupants. “I’d bring you home. To meet them. Of course.” He took a huge swig of nearly too hot coffee to keep himself from blurting out something like _that_.

Bull snickered, giving him a knowing look. Cullen glared back warningly. Addy gave him a look. She knew he’d not said what he really meant to. But she turned away and he breathed a sigh of relief that she’d let him off the hook for the moment. As they ate together, conversation flowed. Luckily, the teasing subsided and Cullen found himself talking more freely with Addy’s sibling. Addy also seemed far more relaxed now.

“Well isn’t this a lovely picture,” Dorian swaggered over to their table. He pulled a chair up to the table and sat down. Cullen rolled his eyes at the man. He held no ill-will toward the man at all. In fact, he enjoyed beating the Tevinter man at chess often.

“Hey Dorian. You gonna eat too?” Bull asked the well-groomed man.

Dorian sniffed the food and made a face, “perhaps. I don’t suppose they have any spicy Tevinter faire?”

“Doubtful,” Cullen stated as he poured himself another mug of coffee from the carafe the waitress had eventually just left their table.

“Well, that’s downright shameful!” Dorian complained. “I don’t suppose either of you fellows have seen a rather handsome creature about here? Around my height? Ruddy hair, well-trimmed beard, black-framed glasses? Sharply dressed? Yes? No?”

Addy hummed, “that sounds an awful lot like Jax.”

“Your brother?” Cullen asked. He caught the way Dorian perked up instantly. He bit back the chuckle at the Tevinter man’s expense.

“Yes,” Addy nodded.

Evelyn scanned the tavern, “he’s not here. So he is more than likely huddling in his room, whining about the cold weather’s affect upon his hair.”

“Who could blame him? It’s positively ghastly,” Dorian harrumphed. “It took me an _hour_ to fix my hair after just glancing outside this morning!”

Addy pulled out her phone and began to tap away at it. Cullen raised a brow at her and she threw him a wink. She slid the phone away only a minute after and then smirked. She mouthed to him, “just a minute.”

Cullen nodded and sipped at his coffee. In less than five minutes, the door opened and another man came in, dusting himself off and shivering dramatically. Cullen recognized him as Jaxton from the night before. Jax spotted them and hurried over.

“Whatever you said was so bloody pressing had best be worth daring that blasted chill—” Jax growled as he approached the table.

“Jax, meet Dorian. He helped me earlier this afternoon. In fact, he saved me.” Addy stated proudly, gesturing to the man at the end of the table.

Dorian stood, preening instantly, “Dorian Pavus of Minrathous. Pleased to meet your acquaintance.”

Jax took Dorian’s hand and shook it, “the pleasure is all mine, messere.”

Cullen snorted into his mug while Addy giggled. Jax pulled up another chair. He swung his right leg over his left and greeted his siblings.

“Evie, Addy.”

“You still managed to keep your hair intact. I’m impressed,” Evelyn teased Jax.

“Of _course_ I kept it intact. What do you believe pomade is _for_ , dear sister?” Jax rolled his eyes.

“Keep that tone up and I’ll _show_ what else it can be used for,” Evelyn gave the most deceptive smile Cullen had ever seen.

Dorian’s brows shot up. Bull guffawed. Jax glared at his sister, however. “Shouldn’t you be, I don’t know, talking like a proper lady?”

“I _am_ a proper lady. What’s your excuse?”

“I’m fabulous and that’s enough for me,” Jax crossed his arms.

Addy shook her head, “at least some things never change.”

Cullen finished his coffee. “Probably should return to our room soon.”

“ _’Our?’_ ” Jax turned to glare at Cullen. “What do you mean, _‘our?’_ ”

Cullen gestured between Addy and himself. “As in Addy and myself.”

“Addeline! I knew you were next door neighbors and obviously involved…but you’re sleeping with him? Consistently?”

Addy’s eyes narrowed upon her brother, “do I comment upon _your_ bed fellows? No? Good. Shut the hell up. My boyfriend is allowed to sleep with me.”

“Jax, shut up,” Evelyn sighed, “Addy is a grown woman. Remember? Whoever she takes to her bed is her business. Besides, can you begrudge her? Ser Rutherford is a very eye-catching man. Any woman would be hard-pressed to tell _him_ no.”

Jax studied Cullen, “hm…yes. Yes, you are right about that.”

Cullen stood abruptly, “and that is my cue. Goodnight.”

Addy rose as well. Cullen paused to withdraw his wallet and set down more than enough money for Addy’s and his own supper with tip included. He held his hand out to her and she met him at the end of the table. Her hand slid into his own with ease.

Jax sighed, “just be careful and be sure to use contraceptives you two. No need for a scare.”

Addy kicked Jax’s chair. He squealed much to Cullen amusement. However, Jax’s statement left Cullen feeling a little cold. Not even the biting cold bothered him as they made their way to their room. He shut the door behind them and locked it. Addy hummed to herself as she removed her scarf and boots. Cullen leaned on the door and watched her as she moved around the room.

“Addy…”

“Hm?”

“I—uh—um…when was…your last…you know…?”

Addy looked up at him, blinking. “What?”

“I haven’t been very—erm—responsible in our couplings.”

Addy stared blankly at him, “oh. Uh, two weeks ago. It wasn’t a very long one, but yeah…”

Cullen wasn’t sure what to feel then. Did he feel relieved? Or disappointed? He couldn’t place the feeling roiling within him.

“Are you worried about it?”

Cullen swallowed. He didn’t know how to answer that. “I—not entirely?”

Addy straightened and planted her hands on her hips. “Cullen, if I were pregnant right now, what would your gut reaction be?”

 _To kiss you breathless._ Cullen felt the thought race over his mind. “Is there a wrong answer to this?”

Addy blurted out a laugh and shook her head, “ _no_. There’s no wrong answer. It isn’t a trap.”

“I…don’t entirely know. I feel like I might be happy? Yet…I’m not ready. Not yet, at least. But I wouldn’t be overly upset…”

“Well, I hate the idea of using condoms. I…really enjoy how you feel. So maybe I should look into getting one of those implants or whatnot.”

“And for the rest of this trip…?” He had to ask, although he knew how pathetic he sounded.

“I’m fairly certain that ship sailed a while ago. If something happens, then we can discuss it then. _Until_ then…”

Cullen watched her approach. She slid her arms around him and tilted her head back. He more than willingly bent to capture her lips.

…

_He saw her standing behind his men. Her thumbnail between her teeth. His words faltered for but the briefest of moments. Those stunning hazel eyes staring back at him with a hidden smirk. He finished his debrief and commands; sending his men out. Once they were out, he shut the door behind them. Leaning heavily on the wooden surface as though the weight of the world were crushing him._

_“There’s always something more, isn’t there?”_

_“Wishing we were somewhere else?” She asked with that slight teasing hint to her voice._

_He chuckled, shaking his head. “I barely found time to get away before. But this war won’t last forever…” He said as he pushed away from the door and turned. The walk back to his desk was short but at least he didn’t have so many eyes on him now. “When it started, I hadn’t considered much beyond our survival. But things are different now…”_

_She had followed him, pushing away from the wall she’d leaned upon. He looked at her; watching her cat-like approach. That little tilt to her chin that denoted her curiosity. The way her hips swayed and provided such temptation; the desire that raged within him at the sight of such a stunning woman looking at_ him _with such an intensity to rival the hottest of flames._

_“What do you mean?”_

_“I find myself wondering what will happen after? When this is over…I won’t want to move on,” he reached out to tuck a stray lock of her hair back from her face. His hand then cup and caressed her cheek, “not from you. I—I don’t know what you—that is…if you…uh…”_

_He’d turned from her. His doubt filling his heart once more. He couldn’t believe she’d really wish to be him. It was beyond his ability to hope for. He didn’t deserve her. He didn’t deserve—_

_“Cullen, do you need to ask?” She spoke gently as she slid between him and the desk he stood before. She looked into his face. Unguarded; unrestrained._

_“I suppose not,” he started as she began to sit up on the edge of his desk. His hands were at his sides; unwilling to press anything she wasn’t ready for. No matter how badly he wanted to touch her. “I want—”_

_The sound of glass shattering and her soft gasp broke the little trance he’d fallen into. He took one glance at the broken bottle and her guilty look before a smirk took over his face. He would_ show _her how much he regarded her. He bent forward and swept his desk clear of all his hard work. All the hours he’d compiled; reports, troop rotations, strategic operations, everything. It all fluttered and crashed to the floor. He pressed forward, reaching to touch her hip. He allowed her the chance to move away and instead she crawled backward onto his desk with a heated look that made his already throbbing desire harden further. He knew, without a doubt, that she wanted this as much as he. Especially when she reached forward and tugged him insistently and he gave in willingly; crawling over her form upon his desk. Maker, but he hoped his desk was strong enough to withstand what he intended to do upon it…_

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehehe…


	14. Jackknife

**Chapter Fourteen  
** **Jackknife**

_She sat, tying her boots as he slept fitfully beside her. He woke with a start and she reached for him. He gasped and looked about as though panicked. He looked at her and his face cleared. She felt her heart lurch for him. So she trailed her fingers over his face._

_“Bad dream?”_

_“They always are,” he sighed as he closed his eyes. Then he looked at her with worry, “I didn’t mean to worry you…”_

_“You can let me worry about you a little,” she teased._

_“All right,” he smirked before pressing their foreheads together. “You are…ah…”_

_“I love you; you know that right?”_

_He smiled; innocent and hopeful, “I love you, too.”_

_She kissed his brow before she slid from the bed. He flopped back with a satisfied sigh. She giggled and turned to leave. She still had duties to return to. As she reached the ladder, she pointed to the wall across from his bed._

_“That would be the best place for a window, you know? Maybe with a large soaking basin before it.”_

_He laughed, “that would be something wouldn’t it?”_

_“I certainly would enjoy sharing that bath with you…” She winked saucily at him and laughed as he blushed rather adorably._

Addy felt the bed shift beside her. She opened her eyes and frowned. The window across from her showed the still dark, early morning. A gasp from behind her made her roll over. Cullen sat up quickly and buried his face in his hand. He looked over at her and scanned her face. She studied him back. Her dream was already fading; much to her annoyance. A dream that good deserved to be remembered. She remembered the _feelings_ she had in the dream. And that she’d had some wonderful sex. But the who and where kept flitting away from her recollection.

“Bad dream?” She asked and felt that strange sense of deja-vu. From the way his lips drew into a frown, he looked as though he were feeling off.

“They…usually are…” his frown deepened as did hers. “Have you…said that to me before? I could swear you’ve asked me that before.”

“Not that I can recall.”

“Sorry. I…I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Addy blinked, the next words she recited from memory. A memory that was vague; shapeless and haunting. “You can let me worry about you a little.”

Cullen stared at her and she back. They were both lost in their strange morning that both literally jumped when there was a loud knock at the door downstairs. Addy swore under her breath as Cullen uttered a colorful curse. He tossed the bedding aside and found his clothing, shoving it upon his body. He jogged down the stairs while Addy moved with less haste to get herself dressed. She could hear mumbled voices and chose to ignore it. Cullen would tell her anything important later. She still couldn’t shake the odd feeling that she should remember something. Something very important. But it kept eluding her.

Raking her fingers through her hair, she turned to the large window and bathtub. Something about it…was both wrong and right at the same time. Maybe they’d stayed in this place too long. She snorted to herself.

“Maybe it’s haunted,” she mumbled as she gathered her hair into a haphazard bun.

Cullen walked back up the steps, “road is finally cleared. We can leave today.”

A shard of remorse pierced her heart. It made no sense. She shouldn’t feel so saddened to leave this place. It wasn’t like she had any good memories to tie here. Well…that wasn’t true. She had the time with Cullen. She nodded and began to get her stuff packed up. It took them a little under an hour to finish gathering their stuff. Addy hesitated at the door. She turned and looked back over the room. Cullen stood just behind her. He was doing the same.

“I think I’m going to miss this place,” he sighed as he turned his head to look at her.

“Me too,” she agreed.

“Well, let’s get a wiggle on. I imagine your boss would like to have you back now.”

She snorted, “I’m not _that_ important there. But it would be nice to get home and maybe get some Pup snuggles.”

“Yeah…he’s going to be pissed at me.”

…

They both laughed at the stupid joke in the movie. Cullen’s hand on her hip flexed as he reached into the bowl of popcorn in his lap with his other hand. Pup was nestled beside her on the left side of the couch. It meant she had to be smooshed against Cullen’s side. But she had no complaints about that. They’d gotten back home from Skyhold lodge on Monday afternoon. Feeling guilty for missing the beginning of her shift, Addy had rushed off to work after getting home. She’d stayed late to handle the rest of the exhibit planning and ordering of supplies within their budget layout. Wynn had tried to tell her it was all right, but Addy insisted.

She’d needed the distraction. The odd feeling she kept getting that she’d already experienced things she’d never in her life even know before wasn’t exactly easing. The bits of deja-vu here or there since meeting Cullen weren’t a big deal. But since that last night at the lodge, in that room…she’d felt as though something was wrong with her. It was like a piece of her that was buried far beyond her subconscious kept screaming at her. Like she was _supposed_ to remember something and it kept dancing away the moment it occurred. So most of the week she spent at work late. When Friday rolled around, Wynn demanded she go home. Well, more like threatened her. So she’d gone home at her usual time only to find a note on her door.

_Dinner and movie night at my place. Pup misses you too._

She had to go. Cullen was far from stupid. He knew she’d been somewhat avoiding him. To his credit, he didn’t press the issue. He didn’t even bring it up. But she knew he wanted to. It was written on his face all through dinner. He’d cooked. It was an old recipe of his mothers. They had then moved to the couch after he’d popped some popcorn. Now here they were. Snuggled in tightly while watching a comedic action film.

The end of the movie came upon them and the credits rolled. Addy decided it wasn’t fair to keep him at arm’s length. It wasn’t even anything _wrong_. He pressed the stop button and shifted to rise. She put her hand on his arm, stilling him.

“Cullen…”

His amber eyes stared back at her. She saw a worry in them he was trying to ignore. That little bit of emotion made her feel like scum. “Is…everything all right?”

“I need to talk with you about something. It’s…I’ve been having this really weird sense of deja-vu lately. Like, something said or an expression or a movement and I get this feeling that I’ve seen or heard it before. Almost like you’ve—”

“Done that before but at the same time…you know it _hasn’t_ happened.” He finished for her.

She nodded, “yes, actually…”

“I’ve been having the same thing, Addy. It was a little bit here or there when we met but now…ever since we got back from the lodge—”

“It’s more intense! So it’s not just me?”

“No! Maker, I thought it was me!”

“No! I’m…both relieved and a bit unsettled…”

“I understand that completely…” he sighed. “At first I thought…maybe I’d done something to upset you.”

“I could tell,” Addy slid her hand up and down his arm soothingly, “you looked at me like you were trying so hard not to beg me to tell you what was wrong.”

“That obvious huh?”

“Just because it’s you.”

Cullen reached to tuck her hair behind her ear. Then as if rethinking his action, he moved the popcorn bowl aside and used both hands to gently work her hair free of her ponytail. Once her hair fell down her shoulders, he dug his fingers into it. He leaned forward and pressed his brow to hers. That same feeling swam over her again.

“Feeling that deje-vu right now?”

“Very much so,” he agreed but didn’t pull away.

Addy closed her eyes as he played with her hair until he shifted to kiss her. She moaned softly and pressed back. Her own hands moved to rest on his chest as she melted into his kiss. No matter how many times he kissed her, she always felt so weak. He knew just how to kiss her. He gently coaxed her into his lap to kiss her better. She sighed into his lips as she moved to straddle his hips. She didn’t know how long he kissed her for, but when he pulled away it felt like it wasn’t long enough.

“You just have a way with those lips,” she breathed.

Cullen chuckled, “I’m pleased you enjoy my kisses so much.”

“It’s kind of unfair, you know? You have this…this power over me. You can make me sigh, melt, want, cry, and mourn with so much passion.”

“Mourn?”

“I mourn the loss of you when I’m not with you…” She admitted on a whisper.

Cullen stared back into her eyes, his hand still in her hair while his left slid down to cup her cheek. “And cry?”

“I cry out for you when I wake alone. I also cry in absolute bliss while you make love to me.”

His fingers moved to trace her lips, “want?”

“I want you. All the time. Whether to just spend time with or buried inside of me making me forget that I’m even a singular person.”

Cullen’s fingers trailed over her neck next, “melt?”

“I melt into your embrace; your kiss. As though I no longer can support my own body and simply allow myself to sink into the moment.”

His hand stilled over her heart, racing in her ribcage as he asked the last one, “sigh?”

She leaned forward, kissing him. He eagerly returned the kiss and she sighed once more, unbidden. She slid so that she sat more fully, pressed against him fully. Cullen groaned into her mouth as his tongue danced with hers. Just as she was beginning to lose herself, a loud slam made them jolt apart. Addy quickly climbed off his lap. Cullen was on his feet, scanning his apartment. It happened again. From next door. _Her apartment_. They both shared a look.

He shifted to his knees and pulled a hidden flat box from under the couch. Addy recognized it immediately. She’d never thought to look under his couch ever. He tapped in the code and popped the case open as the sound of shattering came from next door. He withdrew the glock from within, chambered a round and tucked three spare magazines into his belt. He looked up at her with a serious look.

“Stay here,” he whispered.

“Are you kidding me?” She hissed back, “there’s no way you’re going in there without backup.”

“Addy, whoever is ransacking your apartment right now…could be after _you_.”

“…what…why would…” She felt her face fall.

“Please, I need you to keep Pup back. He’ll try to charge in and help me too,” Cullen sighed, “this is quite literally _my job_ , Addy. Let me protect you.”

Addy frowned but relented. “But if I think for a second you need me, I’m coming over. Like it or not.”

“All right.”

He rose and shoved his boots on. He moved, not to the front door, but instead to the small balcony they both had with their apartments. Hers was directly next to his. He slipped out onto the balcony and then disappeared from her sight over onto her side. She hunkered down to the floor with Pup. She listened closely while holding Pup tightly. Pup growled, facing the wall. A loud shout sounded before a scuffling sound. A loud thud against the wall made the shelves rattle. Pup snarled and his hackles rose. But he turned from the wall to face the front door. Addy felt a tremor go down her spine.

“Front door?” She whispered to Pup.

Pup chuffed and continued growling as he stalked forward. Addy quickly scanned the gun case only to remember the knife in Cullen’s room. She got up and ran as quickly and quietly as she could. She grabbed the tactical blade that was as long as her forearm. She then sauntered back out, moving to the side of the door. She pressed against the wall, crouching and readying the blade. She felt her blood rush as the sound of gunshots pierced the evening. The door then burst open. Pup snarled viciously from across the room.

“What the—” came from the intruder. Addy leapt out. She kicked the perpetrator in the back of the knees. The man swore as he fell. He spun, leveling his pistol at her. She kicked it from his hand and then lunged, burying the knife between his clavicle and shoulder blade. He screamed through his ski mask. His blood splattered her as she withdrew the knife. She kicked the door so that it blocked any other intruders.

“Who the hell are you?” She snarled in his covered face.

“Fuck you!”

Her eyes narrowed, “wrong answer.” She smashed his temple with the handle of the blade. The man went limp with loss of consciousness. She rose and quickly checked the hallway. It was too quiet next door. She crept into the hallway after she commanded Pup stay. Her feet reached her apartment door. It was wide open. She could see so many of her belongings scattered about. Broken glass littered so many surfaces. She cursed her lack of forethought to put on shoes. A shadow moved from across the room and she readied her weapon. She sprung out and was blocked. She felt the world spin and she swore as she was slammed into the wall.

“Addy?”

She blinked through the haze of knocking her head on the wall, “Cullen?”

“What the—I could have hurt you!”

“It got very quiet over here. Plus, another attacked your apartment.”

Cullen’s face fell into a calm mask. She felt her stomach drop, “show me.”

She nodded and glanced over her apartment, “are they all--?”

“Dispatched. Police are on their way.”

“Understood,” she led the way back to his apartment and kicked the unconscious, bleeding bastard on the floor.

Cullen knelt over him, probing the wound she’d caused. He then pressed his finger into the wound harshly. The man jolted awake with a scream of pain. “I have questions. You have answers.”

The man groaned and shook his head, “no…no way.”

“Oh, I do believe so.” Cullen pressed again. His cold voice made Addy feel absolutely chilled through. The man bucked and cried. Cullen stopped for a moment, “who sent you?”

“Y—you are _nothing_!”

Cullen sighed and dug further into the wound. The man tried to muffle his cry. “Ah, there it is. Feel this here? This is your artery. One little tug…and I assure you no amount of medical care will save you in time. Are you certain you wish to protect whoever sent you that badly? What kind of loyalty do you _really_ possess?”

Addy felt sick. She had to turn away. This wasn’t Cullen anymore. This was Colonel Rutherford of the SpecOps. She hugged herself.

“…we…we were hired indirectly. Through the Crows.”

“But you aren’t an actual part of the Crows?”

“N—no. Just a…group who hires out for different jobs the Crows don’t want to do or are too busy for.”

“Or smaller jobs they think won’t amount to much effort or glory,” Cullen concluded.

“…y—yeah…”

Cullen slid his hand back from the wound. He rose and glanced at Addy. Addy swallowed under his intense gaze. His eyes softened and his face read his guilt, “you should call Bromley now. You won’t be staying here tonight.”

“…what? But I—”

“Addy!” Cullen snapped, “this is…this is _not_ the time to argue with me. Call Bromley. Please. I have to handle this here right now. The police will arrive within twenty minutes and I have to get this situation contained.”

Addy bit her cheek out of both indignation and anger. She turned on her heel and marched to where she’d left her phone. She picked it up and punched in her brother’s number. He picked up on the second ring.

“Little Addy? I’m surprised you—”

“We were attacked by men in ski masks. Says they were hired by the Crows. Cullen said to call you,” she spat bitterly.

A short silence, “I see. All right. Tell Cullen Nightingale is activated and that Northern Lights is the location.”

“…what the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Addeline, right now…your safety is compromised. The less you know, the better. Repeat those things to Cullen. He will know exactly what to do then.”

“I fucking hate you both right now.”

“…no, you don’t. You’re just pissed.”

“Damn straight I am! I’m not some goddamn damsel in distress! I didn’t join the army for look!!”

“You think I don’t know that?!” Bromley snapped over the line, “but right now if Cullen is having you call me, _he_ doesn’t believe you are safe anywhere but in Inquisition care! This is a threat that has _him_ nervous! There’s a damned good reason why I have him as my head of security here! Now shut the hell up and listen to him!”

Addy hung up. She was still seething as she glared at her boyfriend. “Nightingale is activated and Northern Lights in the location.”

Cullen glanced over, “understood. Leave your phone and wallet.”

“…I’m sorry?”

“Leave you phone and wallet. They are traceable. Once we get to our location, I’ll explain everything there.”

“Like fuck I’m going with you right now!”

“Addeline, for the love of fuck! I don’t have time for this shit right now! As far as everyone must know from now on…you’re dead!”

Addy’s heart stopped. She…she was…faking her death now? What the hell kind of bullshit was this?! She stamped her foot in rage. Cullen sighed.

“Addy, please. I know this…this isn’t exactly ideal. But you need to trust me right now. Do you trust me?”

She huffed. She did. That’s what made this harder. She _did_ trust him. “I have to leave…everything I worked so hard to gain…behind now?”

“For now.”

“For how long?”

“Until I track down and kill every single motherfucker who dared to threaten you.”

Hazel eyes widened at the dark tone Cullen used. In that moment, she felt real fear. Not of Cullen; but of what he _could_ and _would_ do to these people…

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO MUCH TO DO!!! Christmas is almost here! I still have to order presents and wrap them and ugh!! So muuuch to dooooo. Happy Holidays everyone!
> 
> This is where my Muse took the reigns. So...hang in there!


	15. Confession

**Chapter Fifteen** **  
Confession**

Cullen hadn’t hardly said a word since he’d loaded all three of them into his bronco and taken to the roads. He wasn’t sure what to say. His girlfriend was pissed at him and honestly? He couldn’t even blame her. She was still silently glaring out the window. Pup lied in the back seat. His doggy belt clipped in to keep him safe. By now the Nightingale group should have reached the apartment and begun their setup. Cass would have stalled the police with a patched call to a superior who worked with Inquisition Securities themselves. The police would find evidence of a struggle, blood, Addeline’s ID and a body that matched her description torn to shreds.

At least he didn’t have to abandon his ID and bank cards. He was already very well hidden and protected by the Inquisition Security protocols. His address was assigned to a John Doe in the system. His rent was paid in cash. Nothing was traceable. Everything was linked through so many different circuits that to trace it back to him would be damn near impossible. Even his phone was company property and would be encrypted. He sighed and glanced at Addy once again.

“What is this Nightingale and what is it going to entail?”

He blinked. First words she’d spoken in over half an hour. Cullen weighed his options and decided that the best bet was to tell the truth now. It wouldn’t change their situation. The worst it could do was piss her off more.

“Not a what, but a who.”

“All right,” Addy shifted to pin him with a very peeved glare, “ _who_ is Nightingale?”

“Leliana.”

“…Leliana?”

“She’s a brilliant spymaster and a _very_ skilled espionage expert. She and her team of most trusted have probably already planted a body at the scene and—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Body?! _You killed someone to cover this up?!_ ”

“What? No! No! It’s…a cadaver! From the morgue!”

“…how the hell do you have access--?”

“Dorian.”

“…Dorian…the flamboyant man from the party?”

“Yes. He works for us. He’s a medical examiner and also, coincidentally, convenient body snatcher…”

“What the fuck are you a part of?”

Cullen released a lungful of air, “exactly what I’ve told you from the start. Inquisition Securities. We are the most highly advanced security company in existence. We…also _secure_ situations…like this. Usually these kind of missions are very, very rare and are _very_ expensive. Making people disappear and faking their deaths is Nightingale’s specialty.”

“Why do I have to die? Metaphorically.”

“Because the thugs sent after you tonight, weren’t meant to succeed. They were to test your skills. To see how capable you were before the _real_ threats were sent in. The Antivan Crows. Someone’s hired your assassination.”

“…m—me? But—wait. How do you know they were after me?”

“I’m practically untraceable due to my position at I.S. Not to mention that I’m paranoid on top of that. They also hit your apartment first. They were looking for _you_.”

“Then why’d they come next door?”

“Because you weren’t home.”

“…I—if I had lived next door…to a…normal person? Or a family?” Her voice quivered.

“They’d probably be dead now.”

Addy whimpered and turned away, “innocents could have been murdered because of me?”

“No. Innocents could have been murdered because someone wants you dead. There’s no way in hell this is your fault.”

“Beg to fucking differ,” she sniffled quietly.

“Addy—”

“Cullen, please. Just…don’t.”

“No. You don’t get to shut me out now. Like it or not, this is us in this together.”

She spun back toward him. Her teary eyes sparking with her anger, “who do you think you are?! How dare you tell me how to feel!? I’ve already killed so many people just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time! I lived! I _lived_ when others _should have instead!_ What am I?! I’m just some noble bitch who deserves to fucking die!!”

Cullen slammed the breaks and pulled over. He threw the car into park and yanked his seatbelt off. He jumped out of the car and rounded it to her side, throwing open her door. He leaned in over her, pressing into her personal space. She gasped and tried to crawl back from him but she was belted.

“Don’t you fucking _dare._ You _deserve_ to live! Nobody can tell me otherwise! You are not just some noble bitch! You are better than any one of them! You have _always_ been better! You will _always_ be better! What are you?! You are the woman I love! That’s what! And I’ll be goddamned if I let something happen to you!! So go ahead! Scream at me!! Hate me, if you must!! But know that no matter what, I will _always_ protect you!! I will _always_ fight for you!! I will _always_ find my way back to you!!”

Cullen felt his chest heaving with his outburst. Her eyes were blown wide with shock. Her tears forgotten as they rolled silently down her cheeks.

“You…love me?”

Cullen blinked. A bit of embarrassment filled him. What a way to confess his feelings. He cleared his throat, “yes. I do.”

“…why?”

He scoffed, shoving back from the car with a shake of his head. “Really? I don’t even feel like deigning that with an answer.”

Addy slowly sat back up, “I don’t…you can’t…I’m not…”

“Will you stop telling _me_ what I can feel? What I see? What I know?”

“You’re really fucking scary when you want to be…”

Cullen snorted, “it’s an unwanted gift.”

“What now?” She asked, her voice tempered and meek.

“We keep going. I have to check in with Bromley once we arrive. If we aren’t there within the right hour, he’ll be sending people out to sweep for us.”

“…okay.”

Cullen made sure she wasn’t in the way of the door before he shut it firmly. He moved back around and climbed into the driver’s seat. He threw the bronco into drive and gunned it back onto the road. They had a very long drive ahead of them. The hours rolled by. He noticed when Addy curled up and fell asleep. It was nearing five am when he finally pulled into the long driveway. The slight bumping of the road jostled Addy awake. She looked over and sat up.

“Where are we?”

“Northern Lights.”

“…you realize that means next to nothing to me, right?”

“I know,” he sighed. He slowed as they neared a cabin tucked into the woods. Addy eyed it.

“A cabin in the woods? Isn’t that kind of horror movie-esque?”

“For whoever is hunting you, it is.”

Cullen pulled the bronco up to a car shed. He leaned over to dig in the glove box. He withdrew a remote and aimed it. Pushing the button, the door lifted and Cullen drove the car into the shed. He pressed the button again. The door shut behind them. Cullen slid out and moved to let Pup out. Addy slowly exited the vehicle.

“Come on,” Cullen motioned for her to follow him. She fell into step with him. He led her down a set of steps and into a tunnel. The tunnel was around forty-feet long. They climbed the steps on the other side. Cullen entered the entry code to the door there and then opened it. He led her into the cabin. Addy stopped a few feet inside. Cullen flipped the power breakers on and then flicked the lights on.

“This is a safe house.”

“Yes.”

“How many of these does I.S. have?”

“Ten.”

“This is seriously restricted information isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“So then why are you telling me?”

“Because I can’t protect you if you don’t trust me.”

Addy sighed and walked across the room to him. She slid her arms around him. Cullen wouldn’t lie. It was a reassurance to feel her willingly come to him. To feel her in his arms again. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t trust you.”

“You sure about that? You certainly didn’t feel very trusting to me.”

“Put yourself in my shoes.”

“I,” he let his shoulders fall, “I know. I’m just…it’s been so long since I’ve had to kill. Since…”

“You’ve had to interrogate like that.”

“…yeah…that too.”

“That Cullen was scary.”

“That Cullen is the one I hate the most,” Cullen spoke into her hair as he inhaled her scent. “But he’s necessary to keep my love alive. Do…do you…do you fear me?”

“No. You might be scary, but I know you won’t hurt me.”

“Never,” he sighed, tightening his grip.

“So how is this going to work? How am I supposed to change my clothes? I had to leave them all behind.”

Cullen nodded, “I know. Tomorrow morning, a package should arrive. There should be clothing and food within. For tonight, it will have to be canned rations, I’m afraid.”

“Who’s delivering?”

“Nightingale’s men.”

“…I should have known that answer.”

“This is new to you. I helped solidify these procedures.”

“I thought you just started there a few months ago?”

“Yes. These were already in place, but they lacked a proper procedure to such incidents. The last two safe houses were just finished being built two months ago. I made sure the process and the planning for each bug-out operation was as smooth and seamless as possible.”

“That’s why Bromley hired you…your strategic skills,” Addy stepped back.

“Yes,” Cullen nodded. “I was the head of my unit. We had some of the most successful in and out operations all over Thedas, my team. So my superior gave me quite the glowing recommendation. Not that Nightingale hadn’t already been spying me as a possible asset to I.S.”

Addy nodded, moving her hands to rub her arms, “it’s a bit cold.”

“I’ll get a fire going. The heat shouldn’t take too long to kick in for the rest of the night.”

Cullen watched as she nodded before he crossed the room to where the living room was nestled. He crouched before the fireplace and began setting it up. He tucked the kindling under the wood just so before he lit a match and held it to the kindling. He had the fire going in little time. He moved the chain curtain over the front of the fireplace before he rose. Addy had tucked herself onto the large couch; snuggled under the thick blanket there.

“Who cleans this place?”

“Any of those details are Leliana’s business. Why?”

“For a place that seems to be out of use, there’s hardly a speck of dust anywhere.”

“I…hadn’t thought about that.”

Addy snorted, nestling further into the blanket, “maybe it’s a woman thing.”

“Ha! You think because I’m a man I don’t notice mess?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You hinted at it…”

“No, I merely implied that it’s typical for me to be stuck on silly details. Maybe it’s the art-lover in me.”

Cullen shrugged and moved to sit with her. He lifted the blanket and slid under it with her. She stared at him before she heaved an annoyed sigh. His brow quirked as she shuffled around until she was snuggled up against him.

“I’m still mad at you.”

“…all right. I can’t deny that you have very good cause.”

He wrapped his arm around Addy. She rewarded him with pressing more into his side. Her nose nuzzled into his chest. He watched the fire flicker and dance behind the curtain. The adrenaline from earlier was finally ebbing. Fatigue finally caught up to him. His eyes drooped as he slumped a bit more into the ridiculously comfortable couch.

“I’m not really mad at you…” Addy mumbled sleepily. He blinked blurrily, craning his neck to look down at her.

“No?”

“No. Can’t stay mad at you.”

He hummed and turned to curl up a bit more comfortably on the couch, pulling her so that she laid mostly on him. She wiggled so that she was nestled better. Cullen dug his fingers into her hair. A pleased sigh puffed against his neck as he gently massaged her scalp. His heart felt incredibly full. They may have been in hiding; suddenly no longer in existence. But he couldn’t help that the comfort he was currently wrapped up in was warming his very soul. Soothing in a way he’d not thought entirely possible. He finally closed his eyes and let sleep claim him.

…

 _He was racing against time. The horse hooves beat the ground; kicking up clods of dirt and snow behind. He was praying harder than he’d ever before. Unbidden, tears welled in his eyes. He had to reach her. This couldn’t happen. Not now. Not after_ everything _they’d been through. The Maker couldn’t be this cruel! Why was he always three steps behind her?!_

_“I will not lose her!” He growled as he neared the ruins. He practically leapt from the back of his faithful steed. The steps were steep and crumbling in so many places. He threw himself into his effort to climb them as fast as he possibly could. He crested the ruins and there she was._

_“Evelyn!!” He cried out. She turned to look at him. Her face was tear-streaked. She smiled at him. The look so sad and full of regret. But he also saw her determination._

_He slammed into an invisible wall. He stumbled back, barely keeping himself from falling back down the steep incline. He shook his head, reaching out. He touched the barrier and slammed his fist._

_“EVELYN!!”_

_“I’m sorry, Cullen…” She whimpered as she turned back to the elf before her. “You_ swear _, Solas?”_

_“I do not make promises I do not intend to keep, lethallan. It will be done. In exchange for this, I will ensure that your next life will be free from magic. No more war will be fought between mages and templars.”_

_Evelyn nodded, tears falling more freely, “then do it. If it is the only way to keep the rest of life from being wiped off the face of Thedas…then…do it.”_

_Solas smiled forlornly upon his friend, “I always knew you would find a way to change my mind, friend. You always had a way with winning even the most unlikely of companions over. Whatever you wish to say to him…now is the time.”_

_Cullen watched as his lover, his life, his wife, his purpose…turned to him. He couldn’t breathe._

_“Find me again.”_

_His heart lodged in his throat. Choking on his words, he answered, “I’ll always find you.”_

_She smiled and then Cullen screamed as Solas plunged a glowing blade into her heart. The world trembled and shook so violently. A wave blew outward from where the damnable elf and his world had stood. Cullen didn’t feel anything as his vision faded._

Cullen started so violently he fell from the couch. A soft shriek echoed in the room as he hit the floor. The jarring thud was enough to wake him fully. He also noted an elbow was lodged firmly in his gut. He grunted in pain as Addy sat up, looking completely dazed. Her hair was a tangled mess; half sticking out from the left side of her head and half flattened to the right side of her face. She blinked and pouted as she looked around.

“What happened?”

Cullen stared up at her, “I…woke from a dream. And I fell…”

“Some dream…” she mumbled and rubbed her eyes, “what was it about?”

Cullen stared at her. Emotion unlike any he’d felt before crashed over him. He didn’t even really know _why_. He just knew he had to hold her. His dream was already long forgotten. He sat up and yanked her into his arms and felt himself begin to weep into her chest. She stilled before she wrapped her arms around him securely.

“Cullen? You’re worrying me…”

“Just…let me hold you.”

He felt her nod before she pressed her lips to the top of his head. He wasn’t entirely certain of how long he wept. However, he knew it was long enough. The way his body was drained told him just how much energy he’d expended with his emotional release. He could feel the way Addy kept running her hands through his curls. She was humming softly. The tune was a song he knew well from his years of attending the Chantry services. Although it was a bit off-key, it still was pleasant to listen to. He released a quaking breath.

“Thank you…” His voice was muffled a bit.

“You never have to thank me for this, Cullen.”

“Hm…you smell wonderful. Just so you know.”

Addy laughed softly, “you smell quite good yourself.” She slid back and cupped his cheeks in her hands. Her eyes wandered over his face. He had no doubt he looked a miserable mess. Her expression softened as she smoothed her thumbs over his cheekbones. “We should take a look outside. See if those supplies arrived. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”

Cullen agreed; after all, they hadn’t eaten the night before. They’d fallen asleep on the couch before eating. He maneuvered his body until he shifted his legs beneath him. He stood and grunted from the effort. He felt stiff from sleeping on the couch. Addy winced as she rose as well.

“Remind me to never sleep on the couch like that again. Beds were made for a reason.”

Cullen laughed, “I’ll certainly keep that in mind from now on.”

They both walked to the door. Addy tried the knob only to frown and turn to him. Cullen reached over and opened the control panel. He smirked as she watched him punch in the code. The locks whirred quietly before flipping the lock switch. He opened the door and surely enough, five large boxes sat on the front deck. He bent to lift two that were stacked atop one another. To his mild surprise, Addy stepped out and picked up one of them as well. They both set the boxes in the dining room. Cullen retrieved the last two boxes, kicking the door shut behind him.

“Can you punch the locking code back in?”

Addy hid her smirk poorly, “what makes you think I know the code?”

“You think I missed you studying the numbers as I punched them in?”

“…I should have known that wouldn’t have escaped your notice,” she quickly punched in the code. The locks reactivated. “Is this some of I.S. technology they use?”

“Some, yes. The most advanced is in the bunker below the house.”

“There’s a bunker?!”

“What good is a safe house without a bunker?”

Addy shook her head, “I feel like I’m in some kind of thriller movie.”

“Real life is usually stranger than fiction,” Cullen pulled a switchblade from his pocket and sliced open the first box.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the plot thickens more! Like gravy! 
> 
> That confession typed itself, by the way. I was on a role and it literally just popped right out and I loved how it just...worked. So I kept it.


	16. Discomfort

**Chapter Sixteen  
** **Discomfort**

The first two boxes were stocked to the very brim with food items. Cullen took over putting them away and getting breakfast going. Addy was more than happy to allow him to cook for them. Of the other three boxes, one was men’s clothing, one women’s clothing, and the last was filled with various toiletries as well as laundry soaps and cleaners. Addy took it upon herself to heft the three boxes to their respective places. She found four bedrooms, two bathrooms, and one master bath off the largest bedroom. She set the boxes in the hallway and frowned.

“Hey, Cul?” She called back down the hallway over her shoulder.

“Yeah?” He hollered back from the kitchen.

“Which room are you taking?”

A short pause, “you should take the master bedroom! I’ll take the one across!”

Her lips pursed with a pout before she could stop herself. Realizing what she was doing, she shook her head. She wouldn’t _pout_ like a child because he would have his own room. That was stupid. She hefted the box of men’s clothing into the room he referred to. Then she shuffled the other two into the master bedroom. The toiletries box was the one she focused on first. She dug out a bottle of shampoo and hummed in surprise. It was the exact same brand and scent she normally used. Then she withdrew a few sticks of deodorant. Her lips drew down into a frown as she read the brand and scent as well. A strange feeling began to settle in her gut.

Diving into the box, she dug out all the items she recognized. Every single one was the exact type she had in her own bathroom. It was so precise; they were even the same _size_ and _quantities_ she always purchased! Her hands trembled as she stood. Her body wash still in hand, Addy walked back out in a dazed haze. She paused just inside the kitchen. Cullen glanced at her.

“Something the matter?”

Addy cleared her throat, “why…why is everything…exactly the same…as what I usually use at home?”

Cullen paused in his motioned to turn to her fully, “what?”

“The shampoo? The conditioner? Lotion, body wash, deodorant…hell even the _toothpaste_ …is the _exact. Same. Kind. I. Use. Back. Home.”_

Cullen stared blankly at her before he groaned and ran his hand over his face, “oh fuck…did she really? Maker’s breath…”

“You—you _do_ realize how fucking _creepy_ this is right?” Addy asked, an edge of hysteria to her voice.

“Yes, yes, I _do_. I’m…god, I’m sorry. Leliana she’s…let’s just say incredibly detail oriented. She probably took stock and inventory of everything you use.”

“Is…is this some kind of… _’hey, please be comfy away from home,’_ attempt…or…?”

Cullen grimaced, “it’s…a little of that, yes. It’s also partially her way of…uh…ensuring the client knows her…reach. Er, but that’s usually for the clients who are paying us partial payments up front to ensure payment! As such, you aren’t. And…and…I’m not making this any better…am I?”

“No. No you’re not,” Addy agreed readily. “Is this a form of manipulation? To keep me aware of who holds power over my fate right now?”

“If this were anyone else? Yes. But not you. This is…family business. She probably just wanted to be sure you had all your usual comforts. Try…try not to think on it too much.”

“How can I not?!”

“…Addy…”

She held her hand up to silence him with a sideways glance away, “you’re burning the eggs.”

At her mumbled statement, he jumped with a curse as he spun to remove them from the heat. She took advantage of his distraction and quickly retreated back to the bathroom. She stared at the box. With a sudden burst of fury at this whole damn situation, she let her foot fly free. The box flew, spewing its contents like a rain shower of bathroom supplies. The clatter was incredibly loud to her ears but she didn’t care. She watched in detached satisfaction as the items rolled and rocked about.

“Are you all right?! I heard—what…happened in here?” Cullen must have come running at the sound.

“I kicked it,” she replied monotonously.

“…er…why?”

“Why?” She turned to glare at him with tears threatening to break free of the carefully constructed dam she’d been working on keeping up. “You can’t seriously be asking me that…”

Cullen met her gaze and sighed, “you’re right. That was a stupid question. Would you like me to call Bromley and have him order different items? You can even write down a list and I’ll reiterate it to him, verbatim.”

She nodded at that, “yes. Anything but…but _these_. I can’t…I feel violated…”

The look that flit over Cullen’s face made her heart skip a beat painfully, “then as soon as I get breakfast cooked and set aside, I’ll call him.”

“It…it can wait until after break—”

“No,” he replied firmly, “you are _very_ upset by this. I won’t have that. I swore to protect you. I take my oaths seriously, Addy. I’m going to call him right away. Let me fix this.”

She nodded and tried not to look at the mess around her.

“I’ll even clear this up,” he added. “Come out and sit on the couch while I get things in order. All right?”

“All right,” she whispered and took the hand he offered. He led her gently back to the living room and even tucked her back under the warm throw blanket. She watched him trudge back to the kitchen. She heard him moving about.

“Bromley, good morning. Yes, we’re safe. We have an issue however. I need all new toiletries sent. _None_ of the same brands, if you please.”

Addy blinked; he was already calling? She could hear him still cooking. He must have decided to do both at once. Her heart swelled with affection. He really did take this seriously. She felt a bit shitty and stupid for being so upset over the products. It wasn’t really something she _should_ have been that upset over. But she couldn’t help it. It was like being told you were parading naked in front of crowd behind one-way glass without ever knowing it. So personal and intimate and…wrong. She bit her lip to stem the desire to cry again.

“Yes, she did…” Cullen’s voice growled a bit that time. “No, it _wasn’t_ taken well. I cannot blame her. She didn’t need that shit right now. She’s not a client, she’s fucking family. I can’t imagine Nightingale doing this to the Queen or King of Ferelden. Nor to you, Cass, or Josie…yes I’m fucking pissed!” Another long pause then a sigh, “thank you. I’ll let her know. Okay, good. She’ll feel better with her new phone, I’m certain. Mavern Hawke can be trusted; so she needs to be in the contact list and informed of what is happening.”

Cullen was right; just that little bit of information made her feel quite better. Especially knowing he was demanding she be able to have contact with her closest female friend. She could survive this if she knew she had Mav still. She tuned out the rest of his conversation as she snuggled deeper into the couch. She was beginning to drift off when the smell of coffee wafted over her. She looked up as Cullen held out a mug to her. She took it with a smile.

“The supplies will be rushed over. If they don’t arrive by this evening, you can use my soaps if you’d like.”

“I would, thank you…you...you didn’t have to—”

“Addeline,” Cullen frowned as he sat beside her, “what is so hard to understand about protecting you? You are a strong, capable woman. But everyone needs someone to help shield and defend them. No matter how trivial you might think this all is…to _me_? It’s as though someone threatened you. I cannot abide that. Nor will I. I’m serious when I say I’m not going anywhere, love. I’m not going to let even something like soap make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.”

“Why are you so wonderful?” Addy sniffled, hating that she was already gearing up to cry. _Yet again._

“Because I have a reason to strive for wonderful,” he smiled sheepishly, “you.”

“You called even though you hadn’t finished cooking,” she pointed out; fingers trailing around the rim of her mug idly.

“It was pressing enough that I felt it needed handling right away. Bromley sends his apologies. He didn’t think over Nightingale’s usual tactics and how they might affect you.”

“She’s…not in trouble, is she?”

“As long as it was a lack of foresight and not intentional as she does with clientele? No.”

Addy nodded and lifted the mug for sip.

“Hungry?”

“Yes,” Addy shifted to rise.

“Why don’t I bring it in here? You look so comfy there.”

“Could we?” She brightened up at that and his answering laugh was worth it.

“No one could possibly try to stop us, now could they?”

A giggle, “no. I suppose not.”

“I’ll be right back,” Cullen smirked as he rose. He set his mug on the end table. Only a few minutes passed before he was back and holding two plates heaped high with various breakfast foods. Addy’s eyes widened.

“Is that bacon?!”

“It is, indeed.”

“Ohhh…you _do_ love me don’t you!” She squealed in delight as she took the plate. She missed the blush on his face as he sat down. They dug in without further ado. Addy ate her fill until she couldn’t possibly eat another bite. She set the plate aside with a soft groan. “Okay…maybe I should have paced myself…”

Cullen snickered, “why start now?”

“Hey!” She kicked him with no force. “Jerk!”

“I prefer to call myself a blunt gentleman, thank you.”

She snorted and rolled her eyes. Stretching and sighing at the popping of her spine, Addy looked around. “Please tell me there’s something to _do_ around here?”

“Besides TV and board games, there’s the walking trails?”

“Hey, where’s Pup?”

“He’s out in his doggy shed.”

“…he has a doggy shed?”

“He does. In a nice fully fenced in yard that is also highly equipped with motion sensors, bio-scanning alarms, and cameras. Whatever trips those is going to have a rude awakening with Pup. I actually pity anyone dumb enough to try.”

“I never knew this is what my brother would end up doing…” Addy mused as she took in her surroundings a bit more closely. “How…monitored…are the camera around here?”

“Hm, that would depend, I think. I mean, someone is usually with the client who knows their way around the safe houses. So in theory, if one has the codes and understanding of the system…?”

“So…you could…turn them off or away to avoid any…accidental videos?”

Cullen frowned, “why would we create accidental--?”

Addy gave him a loaded look, “amateur _videos_ …?”

“…I still don’t—oh! Oh, Maker! Uh…yes! Er, I mean, no! I would…erm…turn them away. Certainly. If we were to—well—do that.”

Addy lost it. His blushing face and stuttering were just too adorable for words. She wasn’t about to let him off the hook just yet, “but if you turned them away, the sounds would still be picked up. Wouldn’t they?”

Cullen cleared his throat several times before attempting to speak, “I—well—you know what? I’d just turn them off.”

“You’re so cute when you’re flustered!”

“…you did that on purpose?!”

“Of course I did!”

Cullen pounced and Addy shrieked, trying to escape him. He pinned her down and tickled her relentlessly. She screamed, bucked, and squealed as she tried to escape. Her efforts were futile. After a bit, Pup’s sharp, angry barking made them draw apart. Cullen rose quickly and went to the back door to check. He opened the door.

“What’s wrong, Pup—?”

Pup rushed past Cullen and charged into the house. He went straight to Addy and sniffed her. Addy sat up, letting him inspect her. When he finished, he turned and trotted over to Cullen. As he neared the open back door, he looked up at Cullen and chuffed at him. Addy laughed in disbelief. Cullen stared after his dog as the mabari moved back to his little dog hut in the back.

“I feel like I was just chastised…” Cullen mused as he slid shut and locked the door once more.

“I do believe you were!”

“Maker’s breath, my own dog is lecturing me.”

“That was cute though. He was worried about me.”

“He was,” Cullen grinned. “He likes you.”

“Well, good. I like him.” Addy shifted a bit as a question entered her mind. She was dying to ask, but wasn’t sure she wanted to bring that topic up just now.

Cullen leaned against the frame of the living room entry, “what is it?”

“What is what?”

“Whatever it is you’re thinking.”

“…how did you know I was thinking anything at all?”

“Your nose scrunches up and your bottom lip pouts outward a bit when you’re thinking about something to ask that you’re unsure if you should. Just ask me.”

Addy stared at him in a bit of stupefied silence before she rallied her courage, “did you have Pup when you were with…Solona?”

“Briefly, yes. I’d just gotten him on my last shore leave before I decided to retire. He stayed with my family while I was overseas. My brother, Branson, kept up his training as per my request. I also would skype with them and try to reinforce my place as his master and alpha. He met Solona once. And _only_ once.”

“What happened?” Addy asked, tucking her knees up and draping her arms off of them.

“Solona tried to pet him and Pup nearly took her fingers off.”

“Yikes,” Addy frowned.

“Yes, I was…unkind to Pup that evening. I made him stay outside of my bedroom without his doggy bed. I was upset and couldn’t understand why he did that. Solona tried to act like it hadn’t bothered her.”

“I’m sorry,” she released a breath of air.

“Nothing to be sorry about. Even if he hadn’t done that to Solona and had done it to another, I would have reacted the same. He is only permitted to attack if there is a viable threat.”

“Cullen?”

“Yes, love?”

Addy blushed at his endearment but she had to get things straightened out first. She had to know where she stood and where this whole situation sat. “Who do you think set a hit on me?”

Cullen reached up to rub his neck with a tense expression, “that…is a difficult question. There are several suspects I can immediately think of. Which then brings up whether the hit on you was done because of who you are, who you may have crossed, or if it’s due to who you are associated with? If it is due to who you are? That could mean any jealous noble-blooded bitch that simply thinks you’re lovely and possibly in her way or something idiotic like that. That will be the hardest to track down but easiest to remove. If it is someone you have crossed? That gets stickier. Who have you crossed most recently? That list is…uncomfortable to consider—”

“You’re talking about my mother.”

“…she _is_ a suspect, I’m afraid. Bromley himself placed her at the highest point of the list. Next to Solona and Nathan Howe.”

“…you don’t think Solona would stoop quite that low do you? And why? Because I’m with you?”

“I don’t hold her above doing such a wicked thing. She is a soulless creature as far as I’m concerned. Nathan Howe is a suspect simply due to his ties to you.”

“Who else?” Addy asked, steeling her voice and her emotions. It would do her no good to ask these things if she wasn’t going to listen and consider them. Her fate was just as much her responsibility.

“Your father and your eldest sibling, Maxwell.”

“…is that all?”

“Your former boss and coworkers. There is also a few backgrounds being dug into as we speak. Your current employer and coworker. Although I highly doubt either are involved in the slightest.”

Addy swallowed thickly, “if…it were a member of my family? How would you…remove the problem?”

“…you don’t want me to answer that.”

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t,” Addy retorted sharply.

Cullen sighed, “Bromley would make the final call. But…given the information we currently have, the contract out on your life must be a very steep one. Which means…they want you dead with no exceptions and will not accept anything less until you are. The Crows are rarely involved in anything less than such cases.”

“So…they would be killed.”

“…again, Bromley makes the final calls on these. I follow orders. It’s what I’ve always done and what I’ve always been good at.”

“Not always,” she spoke thickly. “You disobeyed Stannard.”

“I—yes. I did. But I believe Bromley has a just heart and a firm conscience to do what is _right_. Stannard was mentally unstable and purposely leading people to their deaths. I want nothing to do with that ever again. I believe in Bromley.”

“That sounded rather judgmental of me, didn’t it?” Addy blew out a sigh, combing her fingers through her hair, “the thought of my own blood being involved in this mess just makes me feel like a train wreck in motion.”

“I wish I had words of comfort for you, Addy. I do. But the reality of the situation is rather nasty no matter how one looks at it. Someone wishes you dead; very badly at that. Whoever it is _will_ have to be found and stopped. One way or another.”

“I don’t want empty platitudes, Cul. I appreciate your candidness. This is a…a royally fucked up problem. There’s no reason to sugar-coat it for me.”

“Once Hawke is cleared, you can call her on the new device that should be delivered any day now.”

“That will really help. But let me guess? I can’t tell her where I am, who I am with, or what is going on?”

Cullen smirked, “now, what do you take me for? A fool? When I asked Bromley to _‘clear’_ Hawke, I meant for her to be brought into the search to find out who is behind this. I may not always agree with her… _views_ …but I _do_ trust Hawke. I know her tenacity as well as her protective nature. If you are close enough to be allowed into her circle…you are under her immediate protection. That means, she’ll stop at nothing to hunt down any threats to those she cares for. And in this? I will gladly take her help.”

Addy felt a genuine smile grow, “I’m really lucky, aren’t I? The two most dedicated and tenacious hunters in the whole of Thedas both working hard to keep me safe.”

“Lucky or cursed, I’m not sure which at the moment…” Cullen joked with a short laugh.

…

With his fingers steepled before his chin, Bromley stared upon the computer screen before him. All the information was at least a bit of good news. From what he was reading as well as what he knew from Cullen, this Mavern Hawke was indeed an asset. He knew of her through his network of peers. After all, her mother was an Amell. He lifted his secure line phone and began to press the buttons to dial the number he had for Messere Hawke. He was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Looking up, he set the phone down, canceling the phone call. Josephine stood in his doorway. Behind her was a very well-dressed elven man. Bromley tilted his head, “come in.”

Josie stepped over the threshold and to the side as she gestured to the man entering beside her, “Lord Trevelyan, may I introduce Professor Solas Harel?”

“Professor Harel, what a pleasant surprise. What brings you to the Inquisition Securities?”

The man smiled as though amused by some inside joke, “many things. However, there seems to be a specific series of events that requires immediate attention. The questionable safety and well-being of a very important patient of mine has come to my attention.”

“Oh? And how do you suppose I can help with this?”

“I should hope you’d be rather inclined to take help in this case dealing with your youngest sister…”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enter...Solas! ;)
> 
> Lots of stuff be a working in the background. To be honest, in Addy's place, if someone got all my same toiletries to the very exact scent, size, and quantities I always bought...I'd be very freaked out too. I don't blame her for feeling violated.


	17. Denied Desires

**Chapter Seventeen**   
**Denied Desires**

The new phone was set up rather quickly. Addy had to admit she was quite pleased with that. However, she wasn’t allowed to call anyone besides Bromley and Cullen. Since Cullen was beside her pretty much every single day, there was no point to calling him. Anyone who was on the list to call would be given her number to call her. Five days in the cabin were proving to be a bit of an exercise in restraint. She wanted to get out. To go running. To go for a drive. To do _something_. Cullen was wonderful company so she almost didn’t mind the seclusion. They spent most evenings playing chess. She nearly won a few rounds.

Her bedroom still felt huge and empty. It didn’t feel right. She knocked on her wall every night without thinking. It wasn’t until after the second or third night that she began to realize how much of an ingrained habit it had become. The lack of those two soft knocks back left her feeling morose. Cullen looked a bit pale and drawn the last few mornings. She’d refrained from pestering him about it. If he was feeling ill; she wanted to help him. But at the same time, he didn’t act ill. Just the mornings. By afternoon, he was back to himself. Mostly.

Cullen had gone out to chop firewood. The temptation to go watch his muscles flex as he swung an axe was nearly too much to resist. But she’d decided to _try_ and keep her libido under control. Somehow it felt…odd or even wrong to have sex here. She also wasn’t certain they could actually get by with turning the cameras off or away. The idea of making love in front of a camera was rather unsettling. So she chose to burrow on the couch with a book from the shelf. Each _‘thwack’_ from outside made her feel more miserable. Just _knowing_ he was out there being all masculine and sexy was killing her!

The phone rang, startling her. She stared at it before scrabbling to snatch it up.

“Hello?”

“Maker’s hairy balls, it’s good to hear your voice!”

“Mav!” Addy’s eyes welled up as she felt overwhelming relief crash over her. “Oh, you have _no_ idea!”

“When I heard—Addy I thought—” Mav’s voice cracked with emotion. “I couldn’t…”

“I wanted to call so badly!”

“I know. And you never can. Okay? Brom gave me the lowdown. Completely. There’s a _lot_ , Addy…you’re in the safest place you can possibly be. As much as I may not agree with Curly on _some_ things, he’s the best person to have protecting you.”

“I know,” Addy sighed, leaning her head back. “I’m on camera here. Twenty-four seven, you know?”

There was a pause, “you’re going crazy from lack of sex, aren’t you?”

“YES!” Addy wailed as she buried her face in her free hand. “It’s absolutely horrible! I _want_ to! So, so badly! He’s chopping firewood outside for fuck’s sake! Right now! Outside! And just the _idea_ is making me—you know!! And I can’t! Not without feeling really weird and uncomfortable!”

“The bathrooms are probably camera free…”

“…I hadn’t thought of that…”

“I’m actually very worried that you didn’t think of that.”

“So, is it weird? Do people really think I’m…dead?”

Mav huffed, “yes. Jaxton called _me_ and literally cried over the phone to _me_ for over an hour. He’s…fuck, he’s really messed up over it all. It took everything I had not to tell him the truth.”

“Why hasn’t Bromley let him know?”

“Because Bromley isn’t ruling anyone out. If I didn’t personally open my entire digital footprint to him, I think he would have denied Curly’s request to let me in on everything. I thought it odd when he asked me to see him…but I knew then that you had to still be alive.”

“Jaxton couldn’t have—it’s not his way.”

“Addy, sweets, look…I’m not going to beat around the bush here. _Nobody_ can be ruled out. Until we find out who sent the hit—I swear on my mother and father, we _will—_ there is nobody who is innocent save for obviously Cullen, Bromley, and now me. There’s also a psychologist working with Bromley right now. Did you work with a guy named Harel or something when you did your psychotherapy after that last tour?”

Addy blanked. Her mind wandered back to that tour and the vivid memories she’d tried so hard to forget. “You mean when I watched half of my platoon either blow up or be gunned down to bits?”

Addy could almost hear the grimace on Mav’s face through the phone. She knew her tone had gotten flat. A part of her wanted to apologize yet she didn’t feel like she owed anyone an apology. Not anymore at least.

“I vaguely remember some psychotherapist, yeah. I really don’t remember his name.”

Mav hummed, “well, he showed up at Bromley’s office. He’s aiding Bromley in tracking down potential leads on who hired the hit on you. As far as we know, he doesn’t know you’re still alive. He’s just working to find the source so that justice can be done.”

“If that’s supposed to comfort me, it’s not exactly working.”

“Just keeping you in the loop,” Mav more than likely shrugged on the other end of the line. “I’ve got a few things I need to get to today. I’m going to go ahead and cut this off. No matter how tempted you are, don’t call me. I _hate_ saying it. But your safety is priority numero uno.”

“Yeah,” Addy sighed, “I kind of got that talk when I was given this phone. Before you go…is there _any_ way you can even _hint_ at how long this shit could last?”

Mav blew a raspberry on the other end, “babe…that’s such a loaded question. It could take weeks to years. There’s no real way to tell. Most we can hope for is that these fuckers slip up sooner rather than later.”

“Wonderful,” Addy mumbled; her tone suggesting anything but the word’s meaning. “All right. Go do your thing.”

“I will. And go do your bodyguard.”

Snorting and fighting the bit of blush Mav’s comment stirred up, she hit end call. Stretching, Addy tossed the phone onto the coffee table. Addy unfolded her legs and pushed up to her feet. At the door, she tugged on her boots and threw on her warm coat before stepping outside. The distinct _thwack_ of an axe on wood drew her attention. Cullen pulled another piece up and set it on the much larger stump. The axe swung in a powerful arc through the air, smacking and splitting the smaller wood into two pieces.

 _“You look good; cutting wood like that…”_ The statement filled her mind.

Addy felt dizzy suddenly. The image of Cullen seemed to overlay with one of a far less modern clothed version of him. A laugh; a shake of his somewhat unruly curls as snowflakes fluttered about. It wasn’t until the jarring sensation of her body hitting the wooden porch then the pain slicing through her that she realized she had fallen. The heavy thumps of boots on the porch signaled Cullen’s frantic race to her side.

“Addy! Maker! What happened?!”

“I…oh…” Addy felt her head swim as she tried to sit up, “I think I…fainted? Is that what happened?”

“You’re asking me?”

Addy blinked at him as she pushed her hand against her head while sitting up slowly, “yeah?”

“I looked up to see you watching me with a very haunted look. I asked you if you were okay then you tipped over.”

Addy met Cullen’s worried gaze, “I think…I think my subconscious is trying to tell me something. And yes, I _know_ that sounds…insane.”

Cullen’s lips thinned as he shifted to help her up. Crawling to her feet, Addy clung to him tightly. Cullen led them inside and over to the dining table. He then rushed back to the door, shutting, and locking it before he bustled to the kitchen. The sound of him rummaging about faded to the background as Addy let her head rest in her hands. What the fuck was going on? She _knew_ she’d had weird…deja-vu feelings for a while now. Maybe those dreams she couldn’t seem to recall were also connected? But to _hear_ a fucking voice that sounded like _you_ but… _not you_ …speak about someone else fondly? Addy had never felt quite so disconnected and honestly? Terrified.

“Here,” a mug of pleasant-smelling tea was pushed under her nose.

Addy looked up with a tiny smile of thanks before she took the mug and tentatively sipped at it. Cullen sank into the seat next to her.

“What did you mean by what you said outside?”

She mulled that over for a minute before daring to meet his curious gaze. “Exactly what I said. I don’t know how else to say it. It’s like…these bouts of deja-vu? Weird dreams that leave me feeling extremely emotional or disjointed but I can’t recall them? And just now I—” Addy paused. Would he think her truly crazy?

“Just now…?” He encouraged, reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear.

“Cullen, I swear I heard my own voice—kind of at least—speak to you. Or _at_ you. Like I’d seen you chopping wood before. And then—oh god. I sound fucking looney!”

Cullen hummed, moving his hand to cup her cheek, “just tell me. I swear I will listen with an open mind, Addy.”

“I could have sworn that for a second there, I saw you standing in old leather breeches and a cotton tunic. Like in the old Dragon Age times of fashion…”

There. It was out. Now she watched him; waiting for the stunned expression to meld into dismay or for him to laugh at her. As though she were stupid or truly losing it. His brow pinched as he shifted in his seat. Here it came…

“A warm brown colored pair of leather pants? Well-worn with a patch near the upper front thigh that was just a bit darker than the rest? Black leather riding boots? Off-white, almost cream-colored tunic, unlaced a bit at the neckline?” He asked then, making Addy’s heart stop.

“…y—yes. H—how did you--?”

“I’ve…I mean, I just…” his frown deepened, “I don’t know. I just… _know_. As though I can easily picture it as well.”

“…I swear I’m not nuts or out of my mind, Cullen. That I know of, at least…”

“I believe you, Addy. I can feel the truth in your words.”

“Then…what the hell should we do? I mean, if this kind of shit happens again and I faint like a damn namby-pamby?”

“I wish I could say…perhaps I should…inquire with Bromley?”

Addy sighed; a slow release of her breath, “and say what exactly? Addeline is fainting because she’s imagining medieval times in present day?”

Cullen drummed his fingers on the table, “that does sound a bit wonky, admittedly.”

Addy took another long drink from her tea. They sat in distracted silence for a good while. The whines and clicking of claws on the back, patio door made Cullen rise. He let Pup inside out of the rapidly chilling air. As if on cue, the sky began to release a flurry of snow.

“I should really drag that stack of firewood inside now. Will you…be all right if I do that?”

Addy couldn’t grudge him the hesitancy of leaving her alone. Had the roles been reversed, she would have been very uncomfortable leaving him alone. Even for short periods of time. Reaching down, she made kissy sounds to Pup who came to her side immediately. “I’ve got Pup right here. I should be fine.”

“All right. I shouldn’t take _too_ long with this.”

“Sounds good.”

He shifted his weight back and forth a few times before he nodded to himself. He turned and made his way back outside to begin hauling in firewood in armfuls. It took him easily seven trips before he had enough in the firewood holder inside and then another five to fill the container just out on the porch; away from the snowfall. Once Cullen finished, he stamped his feet on the porch and then kicked his boots off to place them neatly beside the door. He reactivated all the locks and then settled into building a nice fire. Even though it was rather unnecessary, a real fire just had the cozy feeling of _home_ to it. Cullen poked at the fire with the iron rod. His gaze lifted to her as she watched him.

He laughed a bit nervously, “what?”

“Can’t I just admire your handsome features?” Addy returned, smirking back.

“You—er—thank you…” He looked away; flushed like a shy schoolboy being complimented by his school crush. Addy moved a few steps closer.

“You know, I got a call from Mav today.”

“Yeah? What’d Hawke have to say?”

“Oh, a bit of this and a bit of that…mostly a reminder that bathrooms most likely don’t have cameras…”

Cullen frowned up at her, raising a brow, “why would she need to—?”

Addy gave him a pointed look which cut his question off quickly. His mouth formed a silent, _‘oh,’_ before he grinned wolfishly.

“You know, I daresay she may be right.”

“I say it’s worth investigating.”

Cullen rose and dusted his hands off on his pants, “after you, love.”

Addy spun and led the way to the bathroom that connected with the master bedroom. With the door shut firmly behind them, Cullen scanned the bathroom. There was hardly a long wait before he was crowding her. Addy moaned against his mouth as he bodily maneuvered them toward the glass shower wall. Her back pressed against it and she arched into his touch as his hands wandered wherever he pleased. Her own hands explored shamelessly over his sexy figure. Neither were really in the mood for a long foray of foreplay this time around. It had been long enough that they both were quite needy for the other. Cullen, in a rather impressive display of mental capability, turned the shower on and got it warmed to a comfy temperature. He preceded to remove her clothing while she shoved at his. They were naked in moments, colliding in their haste to reconnect. Cullen lifted her and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he slipped into the shower.

Addy loved the fact that this place was made luxuriously enough that there were two showerheads; facing opposite directions. So when he pressed her nude back to the wall, it wasn’t icy cold. His hand delved between them, testing her readiness. He groaned loudly at the feel of how wet she was for him without _any_ need for stimulation. She wriggled enough to emphasize what she really wanted; no _needed_. He took her hint, shifting to sink into her. Addy let her head drop back and purred as he pushed deeper and deeper.

“Maker…I’ve missed the way you wrap around me like this…” He murmured as he peppered her with kisses along her jaw, neck, and collar.

“Mm…me too,” she sighed as she rolled her hips. A gasp left her as the way he held her put her at just the right angle to grind her clit just right while his thickness stretched her just the way she loved. Massaging her from within.

Cullen moved his stance so that he could hold her up and also rock himself in and out of her heated core. It took him only three thrusts before he relinquished himself to his own denied desire. Addy mewled as he began to thrust faster and with more force. She dug her nails into his shoulders as she urged him with her calves and ankles to keep going. His mouth teased her neck as he made the most seductive sounds while moving within her. All too quickly, she felt her orgasm rush her. A hoarse cry of his name echoed in the bathroom over the sound of his body slamming against hers. Then his hips stuttered and growled her name before he pinned her to the wall with one last, firm thrust.

With quaking thighs, Addy slid her feet to the floor of the shower. Cullen supported her; even in his own sated tiredness. He cradled her head against his chest as she subtly swayed in the shower. His hands then began to gently clean her of their joining. She smiled against his skin. Her own hands began to return the favor. Cullen reached to turn off the shower. They both stepped out and retrieved towels to dry off. It was with a pang of regret that Addy thought about returning to her bed alone for the night. She glanced at Cullen while he towel dried his hair.

“Do—do you want…to sleep with me?”

Cullen paused, casting her an amused look. “Oh? So that wasn’t enough just now?”

Addy flushed and playfully swiped at him; annoyed by how easily he dodged her with a laugh. “That’s not what I meant, doofus! I meant…do you want to…you know…sleep beside me? In my bed?”

Cullen watched her, considering. “I…Maker, I hoped you would ask me that. I _had_ hoped you’d ask me sooner but I—I didn’t wish to push you. After Skyhold I…I find myself rather unable to sleep too well without you beside me.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?!” Addy rolled her eyes, “I feel the same!”

“Again, I didn’t want to push you. If you weren’t ready for something…so, urm…intimate?”

“I’m beyond ready for intimate anything with you,” Addy admitted before she really even thought it over. However, she knew it was true. Deep down, she _knew_ Cullen was who she wanted to be with. Truly.

He smiled; a lopsided, joyful, and completely radiant smile. It made her heart flutter in her chest. They realized they hadn’t grabbed clothing and Addy decided it really didn’t matter. She took his hand and led him to her—soon to be _their_ —bed. They crawled under the covers, removing their towels then and letting them hit the floor beside them. Cullen wrapped her in his protective embrace and she sighed contentedly. Sleep came over them quickly for once.

* * *


	18. Check...

**Chapter Eighteen  
** **Check...**

When the morning glow filtered in through the curtains over the window, it was a pure white upon the walls. The reflection of the light off the freshly fallen pack of snow made the world seem quiet. Peaceful. It was a feeling Cullen reveled in. With the soft, warm body entwined with his own…he felt a calm he’d only known recently. Addy sighed in her sleep. The gentle sound made a smile rise upon his lips. He nuzzled his nose into her mussed hair; inhaling her scent greedily. The moment was perfection.

Then his phone rang.

With a groan and an eyeroll he begrudgingly rolled over to snatch his phone from the nightstand. His hand met empty air over the surface. Cullen blinked and sat up. That was when he remembered it was still in his pants. In the bathroom. An annoyed sound emitted from his throat as he snatched the towel off the floor and managed to wrap it around his naked hips enough not to flash any cameras. He shuffled to the bathroom and dug out the offensive object.

“What?” Cullen answered; still drowsy.

“Well good morning to you too, Sunshine,” Bromley huffed.

“Right, good morning. Was there something you needed?”

“Our mutual acquaintance, Hawke, managed to pick up a trail.”

That woke Cullen up. He straightened his shoulders and peeked out to see Addy still fast asleep. Ducking from the bathroom to the room that held his clothing, he quickly shoved on some attire. “What did she find?”

Bromley released a tense breath, “a former crow who seems rather willing to talk. A bit unnervingly so, I might add. His name is Zevran. He apparently knows the King and Queen of Ferelden quite well.”

“And he knows who sent the hit?” Cullen couldn’t help the rapid rise of hope.

“No.”

 _Of course not_ , Cullen thought bitterly.

“But,” Bromley continued, “he knows _how_ to find out. He’s offering his services.”

“…not out of the goodness of his heart, of course,” Cullen pointed out drily.

“Indeed,” Bromley agreed just as sarcastically back. “He’s asking for protection services at a steep discounted price _as well_ as a nice sum up front.”

Cullen ground his teeth, “and?”

“And what?”

“You didn’t agree, did you?”

“This is my baby sister, Cullen. _Yes_ , I agreed. I’d pay my last copper to ensure she was safe.”

“So we just, what, wait?”

“You? Yes. Hawke is working with this Zevran alongside Leliana. Who apparently _also_ knows this former assassin. I’d ask, _who knew Leliana was so connected,_ but…she _is_ a spymaster.”

“Did she vouch for him?”

“In-so-much as Leliana vouches for anyone…”

“Got it,” Cullen rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“Oh, and Cullen?”

“Hm?”

“The bathrooms still have sound recorders…”

A blink then a furious heat spread over Cullen’s cheeks. Bromley’s damn near evil laughter was all he heard before the other man hung up. Cullen clenched his jaw at his embarrassment. It was probably best to keep that little tid-bit to himself. Otherwise, Addy may just kill them both. He sighed and shoved his phone away before he left the bedroom. The enticement of a hot breakfast lured him to the kitchen. He was cooking in no time. Even Pup was contented to lay beside the back door and laze the morning away as Cullen began to whip up omelets.

“Who taught you how to cook? Because I need to write them a thank you letter.”

He smirked and glanced over at his lovely girlfriend. She was dressed in leggings, sweater, socks, and had a blanket draped over her shoulders.

“That glory belongs to my mother and eldest sister. I was a bit of a picky eater when I was younger. So my mother and sister taught me to cook so that I would…learn the stress of preparing a meal for others as well.”

“That’s actually a really good idea.”

“It was,” he agreed. He slid the omelet in the pan before flipping it over, in half. “I’m quite grateful for their foresight. It made living on my own far easier. What about you? Who taught you?”

Addy pulled a chair out and sat down with a hum, “I begged our cook to teach me. She refused. So I, being the stubborn, head-strong brat I am…began to watch recipe videos online. And then from there I read cookbook after cookbook. I’d sneak into the kitchens at night and practice. Maker, but I was _awful_ at it at first! Our cook finally decided that there was one too many fire hazards before she started to teach me little things here or there when mother was out entertaining at her salons and other brown-nosing bullshit.”

Cullen snorted, “you have such a way of describing high society.”

“I lived it. I loathed it. I still do.”

“I’m not complaining, just…curious how you managed to come out so…”

“Normal?”

“Uh…yes?”

“The army helped.”

“That _would_ help break up some of the pampering…”

“It did. It was also a beautiful outlet for all the pent-up aggression of unwanted advances and suggestive language thrown at a little girl while she was being considered for betrothment.”

Cullen’s gut turned, “you’re joking…”

“No. I’m not. I was barely thirteen when men twice my age began to…insinuate that my betrothal was a rather…lofty honor among the society. Trevelyan’s are apparently highly sought-after breeding cows.”

“That’s…you’re not—”

“No, I’m not. Now at least. I’m too scandalous of a risk now. God, if I ever have a daughter, I will _murder_ anyone who treats her the way I was.”

Sliding the omelet onto the plate, Cullen turned and regarded the woman across the room from him. She was studiously glaring toward the front of the house. He leaned his left hip against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest.

“What sorts of things were said to you?”

She flicked her gaze at him briefly, “it’s been a long time, Cullen. I’m not really—”

“Please,” he interrupted her, “they obviously still bother you greatly even after so many years. Maybe speaking some aloud to someone who cares for you will help.”

Addy drummed her nails on the table before turning her full attention back to him. He knew she was going to open up to him by the way she began to fidget in her seat and her face grew serious.

“I was advanced in puberty quite early on. Cursed to start around ten…so…naturally, the idea of marriage proposals were beyond enticing for mother. She began the search for a proper suitor. I was complimented upon my filling figure; especially my so-called birthing hips. Good for bearing sons, apparently. Many offers came with the attempt to…push the limits on the law. If not for my father’s upstanding, beyond zealous overseeing of law-keeping, who knows what would have become of me? He was stringent in his upholding of the law and turned down _every_ suitor who even hinted at an earlier marriage than legal age limits.”

Cullen could feel his lip curling in disgust. What the fuck was wrong with people?! But Addy continued.

“Mother paraded me before mothers of sons and rich dukes, lords, and whatnot. Always the pretty little image for her to fling out and bait for the highest marriage contract. Ironically enough, the proposals stopped on my fourteenth birthday. But the comments during parties didn’t. The not-so-subtle hints at what such a fresh virgin would feel like to some of the old skeeves. Especially _Orlesians_ …they were always the worst.”

“They usually are,” Cullen growled, shifting his weight. “Addy, I—god I just want to go break so many necks you have no idea. You were a fucking child! And they—ugh…”

“Do you know how Evelyn got out of marriage proposals?” Addy suddenly said out of the blue.

He frowned, “I hadn’t thought on that, nor did it cross my mind. How?”

“…she faked pregnancy.”

“I—er—uh…what?”

“As soon as the hint of such an unheard-of scandal swept through the social circles, no _upstanding gentleman_ could tie himself down to a single mother. A charlatan; a _whore_. Or so they called her. I joined the army and left at eighteen. I thought maybe I’d escaped the madness. But you know…now that I’ve said it all aloud, I think I know _why_ the proposals ended. Mother must have contracted with the Howe’s that long back…”

“I can’t even imagine. Going to such lengths just for some freedom. I think it a bit…extreme, of course.”

“It was. I was actually kind of mad at her. But in the end, I guess, I also kind of see _why_ she did it. To have some damn say in your life. I thought I’d gotten lucky. That my childhood crush was to be my husband. So much for that, huh?”

“Why hasn’t Bromley been matched up and wed off either?”

Addy snorted, “you work for the man. You tell me; has Bromley ever truly done something Bromley hasn’t decided upon?”

A laugh bubbled free from him, “no, no. He doesn’t. And then Jaxton?”

“To mother’s dismay and beyond her comprehension…he prefers men.”

“I did pick up on that,” Cullen snorted, remembering Dorian’s interest in the younger Trevelyan man while at the lodge.

“And before you ask, Maxwell _is_ married off. To the lady of my parent’s choosing. They have two little shits full of energy and spoiled rotten. He never does anything without father’s absolute blessing. He’s the perfect heir in every way…”

“First born son, I take it?”

“Oh, yeah. In families like mine? That’s a _huge_ deal.”

Cullen sighed, turning to finish cooking the second omelet. As he busied himself, a silence settled over them. He rolled the knowledge she’d just given him around in his head. Cullen had always been rather content with being a _commoner_. The son of a farmer. Now he truly knew how blessed he and his siblings had been. Loved beyond description by _both_ parents. Supported through all their endeavors and dreams. But most of all, taught from the start that a good person was made from the heart; not from the mind. A man who acts with good intentions in his heart, although not infallible, is still a _good man_. Mistakes were the building blocks to growth. Fail simply meant _finding another intelligent lesson._ His mother _loved_ to use that whenever they didn’t hit their mark or didn’t quite succeed at what they were trying.

“I’m sorry, Addeline. What—what you all grew up in sounds like anything but riches and comfort.”

“Everything has a cost,” she sighed. “For riches and comfort, you must play a certain roll and do certain deeds to keep the riches and comfort. I’d rather live on a farm; raising chickens and tending to the land. At least that way I’d know my efforts were either paying off or when to try harder.”

The irony of her talking about farming wasn’t lost on him. He finished the second omelet and brought both plates over to the table. “I know a thing or two about chickens.”

“Yeah? Do roosters really chase you?”

Cullen snorted, “yes. And they have rather nasty beaks. A peck from one of those strutting pains in the ass leaves you quite unhappy for a few days.”

Addy giggled and dug into her breakfast. Cullen smiled at the sight and began to eat his own. He made another vow to her that day; however silent it was. No matter what, he would keep her smiling and happy…far from that wretched life she so desperately wanted to flee.

…

“Ha!” Addy’s victory cry resonated through the living room.

Cullen chuckled at her reaction while she moved her rook to line up with his king. She would have him in one move. Although his knight _technically_ could move to save him in time…it would only stay the execution for one more move. She had him. Hanging his head and putting his hands up in dramatized defeat, he sat back and sipped at the amber colored alcohol in his small glass.

“Well played,” he mused.

Addy wiggled in place, dancing out her glee at finally beating him. He wouldn’t begrudge her this moment. For the last week since he’d heard from Bromley about progress with the assassins, he and Addy had taken to playing chess nightly before the fire. She’d been very adamant about learning his tactics in order to beat him. She’d finally managed tonight. Her eyes were bright as she grinned at him from over her own glass. Maker she was gorgeous. He didn’t bother to fight the urge to touch her as he leaned forward and brushed her hair back from her face. The little bit of color that rose on her cheeks made it well worth it as she bashfully smiled back.

“Addy—”

Pup began to snarl and bark at the back patio entrance. Cullen quickly moved to his feet and the bookcase. He yanked a book off and reached within to press a switch. He could feel Addy’s gaze on him as the bookcase between the kitchen/dining room and the living room slid backward into the wall. A set of stairs appeared and he motioned for her to head down. She hesitated and Cullen’s patience wore a bit thin.

“Addy, now. Any minute now they’ll be at the perimeter and I’d rather like to be in the armory before then…”

At the word ‘armory’, Addy was jogging down the steps. Cullen whistled and Pup sprinted over to them and down the stairs without even glancing twice. He took up the rear and hit the close switch. Once back in place, he locked it up tightly. He reached the bottom and led the way through the maze of tunnels. Several were purposefully made as a misdirection. At the end of them were rather nasty traps. Addy nearly turned down one out of curiosity. Cullen pulled her back with a sharp shake of his head.

“Stay right beside me. You do _not_ want to wind up in any of these traps.”

“Traps? Seriously?”

“I told you,” he mumbled as he continued winding through the correct path, “this place would be a horror movie setting for anyone who tried to get to you.”

As if on cue, the alarms upstairs began to blare. Now I.S. was alerted to their situation. If not for Pup, they’d be rushing this part now. Another reason he adored his mabari. First alerts always came from Pup _before_ the proximity alerts went off. He ticked off seconds in his head down from ten before the next set of alarms began to blare mutedly from above.

“They’re in the house now,” he mused as they reached their destination. He punched in the code and held his finger up to be scanned at the same time the retinal scanner took its information. The lock flashed green and the door popped open. Cullen ushered both inside before he stepped in and locked the door.

Addy stared at the door; the expression written on her face was anything but frightened. She looked impressed. “That’s one hell of a door.”

“Reinforced steal. It would take an actual missile to break through that,” Cullen answered as he leaned over the console. Several screens showed the upstairs clearly as well as the tunnels they’d made their way through. He watched closely to see where they were coming in from. The back patio doors burst inward then. Shards of glass rained silently down to the floor on the video feed. Five figures, dressed entirely in black from head-to-toe, with tactical gear and night vision goggles stepped inside. He recognized their formation and also their weapons. Their training was definitely something he could identify.

“Addeline. Who do you know with ties to the SpecOps?”

“You mean besides you?” She pursed her lips in thought as she moved to lean against the table beside him. “I really don’t know. Nobody comes to mind.”

“Whoever hired the crows, is now sending para-military after you. Those soldiers right there? They are SpecOps trained.”

“Wonderful…” Addy drawled before her eyes widened. Cullen straightened at her expression. Tears began to gather in her eyes, “Cullen…I know who…who wants me dead.”

“Who, Addeline?”

She closed her eyes, releasing a quivering breath. “Maxwell. He has ties with the military, especially the marines and to the Command Master Chief…Lucius Corin.”

Cullen felt both rage and sorrow hearing those words. “Then that narrows things down.”

She swallowed thickly and he watched her compose herself sharply. When she opened her eyes, he could see the soldier that was there from her time in the army. Clearing her throat, she looked at him.

“Well then, Colonel. It seems we have a fight on our hands. What is your suggestion and plan of attack?”

“I can thin their numbers. Five on two with SpecOps are bad odds. But if I can take down even two? We have a better chance. If I let them in down here, I can mislead them until they find out they’re being tricked. That should take out at least one; hopefully two. Where does your training specialty lie?”

“I was a foot-soldier. I’m good with a rifle and hand to hand.”

“All right. I’m best with stealth and direct confrontation. I suggest you arm up with a rifle and an ammo bag. I’ll gear up then open up the way. However, if I say retreat? You retreat no matter what. Do you understand?”

“Sir, yes, sir!” She spoke and saluted him before a wry smirk took over her face.

Within minutes they both were strapped down with body armor, weapons, and spare ammo. Cullen took a deep breath and let his training take over. He could see the five still ransacking the safe house upstairs. He pressed the buttons on the keyboard to activate the entrance to the bunker. Two turned; the nearest ones. They signaled to one another and lifted their guns before proceeding down the steps cautiously. Cullen scanned which hallway was the best for the first trap. The pitfall. He keyed in a holographic decoy and waited for the count of three before clicking activate. As suspected, the decoy with Cullen’s likeness whistled and darted down the hall leading to the trap. One of the soldiers turned and gave chase. The decoy darted over the trap.

Cullen hovered his hand over the switch to make the decoy look like it was hit. The soldier fired silenced rounds at the decoy and Cullen hit the switch. The decoy stumbled and _‘fell’_ to the floor, crumpled and holding onto a _‘wound.’_ The soldier slowed his approach and aimed for the kill shot. He also stepped right onto the trap. Cullen opened the pitfall. The man’s scream of terror was short-lived and muted on the screens. The spikes impaled him from all angles. Blood slid down the spikes like a slow-motion movie effect.

The other soldier, seeing what became of his companion was now on edge. He turned and began down the main tunnel once more. Addy was standing beside Cullen, watching as well.

“We turned several times, didn’t we?”

Cullen’s grin was dark with his mood. “That we did.”

“So that door he’s slowly approaching?”

“Another trap,” Cullen concluded for her.

“What is in there?”

“…do you really want to know?”

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.”

“Acid shower.”

Addy’s sudden silence made him look up at her. She stared at him with an unreadable expression. He inhaled slowly, prepared to release it when she nodded.

“I guess I.S. doesn’t fuck around.”

“No, no we don’t.”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope your holidays are going wonderfully!


	19. Living Nightmare

**Chapter Nineteen  
Living Nightmare**

The muted screams of the second man should have really bothered Addy. But right now, she was in battle-mode; survival-mode. So when Cullen made the hand motions for her to prepare her rifle, she did. The weight of a firearm back in her hands was as familiar as it was foreign. It’d been years since she’d held such a high-caliber gun. Cullen studied her as though rethinking letting her come fight with him. She narrowed her eyes at him enough in warning to deliver her message. There was no way in hell she was letting him face three highly trained soldiers alone.

“When we head out there, keep line of sight always down the hall. I’m going to do everything I can to get in and around them or at least catch them by surprise,” he spoke firmly and calmly while keeping his voice down.

“I might not be a SpecOps, Cullen…but I _was_ as soldier. I know how to check my targets and keep myself behind cover,” _mostly,_ she added mentally.

He nodded once and then opened the door, sliding out into the hall beyond. They crept along the route they’d taken. Cullen’s fist shot up to signal a halt. They both listened intently. There. The tiniest squeak of a boot on the shiny flooring down the hallway to the right. It wouldn’t be noticeable if they weren’t _listening_ for any signs of passage ahead. Cullen slid into the alcove to the left of Addy as she pressed her back to the wall, inching closer to the corner. She watched from the corner of her eye as Cullen crouched low, his tactical combat blade out and ready. In the shadows, he snuck forward. Something about that seemed…wrong. Uncharacteristic in a way.

A mental image of him wearing battle armor head to toe with sword and shield superimposed itself over the rogue-like movements he was making now. Now was not the time to be having such juxtaposing thoughts and emotions. She shook it off. Then everything exploded into motion.

Addeline always liked action films. But nor for the same reason as others. It was because of how drawn out all the sequences were. Battles were precise and able to be followed. One could trace the fight from one move to the next. Things slowed down. It was pure fantasy; that moment in movies. Real life was more like a horror film. Nothing moved slowly. In the blink of an eye, bullets were flying. Screams and battle shouts were careening around the hallways. Cullen was in a mortal, hand-to-hand combat. Addy had turned to take aim. She was keeping covering fire localized down the hallway to keep the other two soldiers back. A bullet tinged off the wall right next to where her right eye would have been a second before.

Cullen knocked the other soldier down, grappling with him. Addy turned and fired at the next soldier trying to advance on them. They grunted and flinched when one of her rounds made contact with their shoulder. She advanced forward. There was an alcove just about ten feet ahead. If she moved quickly, she could—

“AH!”

Addy’s body froze. She knew she couldn’t look back. Looking back would mean death. But she had to. God save her soul, _she had to_. Her head moved on its own volition. Blood oozed down from Cullen’s left side, between his ribs where a blade was sticking out. He snapped the neck of the man beneath him. But he was leaning too heavily on his right arm against the floor. A fear; mighty and terrifying in its power gripped her. Hot upon fear’s heels came pure, unadulterated rage. How she wasn’t shot by now was a fucking miracle. She spun and she charged. Like an enraged druffalo; she ducked down and hit the closest soldier in the middle. She flipped them up and over her back. Falling back with them, she heard the satisfying _snap_ before their body went limp. Bullets ricocheted from the walls above her. She leapt and skid sideways into a form of cover. She had to reload.

Then a black blur raced by her cover. Her body went into a frenzy. She reloaded the rifle faster than she’d ever known how before and was turning the corner as Cullen was trying to fight the last soldier. With him doing so, she couldn’t get a clear shot. He snarled in his own blood-haze, ripping the knife free of his side and stabbing it through the soldier’s neck not once, not twice, not even thrice…but four times. As the body fell, he growled like a wounded animal. He pressed his hand to his side as he stumbled back and hit the wall with a pained grunt. As he slid down, a trail of crimson was left down the wall. Addy scrambled to his side. There was distinct pain on the outside of her left thigh and along the top of her right shoulder. But that wasn’t what mattered right now. She flung her hands over his wound to apply pressure.

Cullen’s strangled cry of pain made her tears break free of her control. “It’s okay,” she found herself saying. “It’s okay, I’ve got you. It’s okay.”

“You—you were shot,” he reached for her shoulder.

So that’s what that was. It didn’t hurt much right now. Adrenaline was a lovely drug. “I’m okay. You’re okay. It’s all okay.”

He met her eyes, a small, tired smile on his face, “yes. Yes, we’re okay…”

“J—just need to—to get you patched up is all. That’s—that’s all.”

“Mmhm,” he continued to smile but his eyes started to look glassy. “You know, I never really said things properly…”

She swallowed, shaking her head, “you don’t have to. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

“Addeline,” his hand lifted slowly to trail his fingers down her cheek, “I love you.”

And like that, the illusion was shattered. Addy’s lips quivered, “I—I love you too. You know that right?”

“I…I love you too. You are unlike anything I’ve ever—ah…” His hand slackened and fell to his side as he leaned his head back against the wall. His eyelids began to droop.

“Cullen!” She shouted, “you can’t sleep yet! I need to—I need to get your patched up! Then we’ll be okay!”

“Addy…you,” he paused before he coughed up blood, “you are the best thing to ever happen to me. Promise me you’ll stay safe?”

“Don’t talk like that,” she shook her head, “you’re fine. It—it’s not that bad.” She was lying to herself and she couldn’t stop. How could she? This wasn’t happening. This _couldn’t_ happen.

Cullen smirked, “just a flesh wound?”

Addy inhaled, “exactly. Nothing a few stitches and some bandaging won’t fix, right?”

She chuckled wetly. He didn’t reply. Addy stared at his face. Her heart clenched in her chest. Addy cupped his cheek. No response.

“Cullen?”

He stayed smirking at the ceiling, eyes unfocused. Something inside of her snapped. She screamed. It ripped up her throat; made her hoarse. She fell against his body, screaming and sobbing so hard she could taste blood on the back of her tongue. When she couldn’t scream anymore; she rocked herself in his slack arms. The sound of footsteps didn’t faze her in her state of agony.

“…this was not how this was supposed to happen.”

Addy looked up, unable to truly care if whoever it was meant her harm. A tall, elven man stood over her. She faintly recognized him but couldn’t give enough of a damn to place his face. He sighed and knelt down.

“Lethallin,” he lifted his hand. The two first fingers upon his right hand touched her forehead, “I shall fix this. A promise is a promise.”

She frowned. The question on her tongue would remain unasked as she felt her raw throat protest the tormented cry that wrenched itself free from her body. Her head felt as though it were splitting in two opposite directions. Her body began to seize and convulse violently upon the floor. She couldn’t breathe; she couldn’t think. And then…she died.

…

_The field was beautiful. A sea of green and gold. Familiar and not at the same time. She felt a dull, demanding pain in her left hand. Her eyes dropped to study the strange marking upon that appendage. It glowed a near sickly green. She shook her hand as though that could remove it. It didn’t budge. She felt anxiety work itself through her._

_“What the hell…?” She mused, wrapping her right hand around her left wrist. “What the fuck is this?”_

_“It is the anchor.”_

_Spinning around, Addy found the elven man from the hallway. But this time—“Solas?”_

_He tilted his head in curiosity, “you know my name?”_

_“It…it just swam through my head.”_

_“I see,” he sighed as he strolled closer. “What do you recall, Lethallin?”_

_Addy scrunched her brows in thought before it rushed back to her. “Cullen! Oh my god! Cullen! Where—is he really—oh…oh no…no! NO!” She fell to her knees, unable to stand under the crushing weight of loss._

_“He died, yes.”_

_Brutal honesty. Right now she didn’t want to hear it. She dug her stinging palm and her good one into her eyes. “I only just told him…and now he’s…? What kind of fucking cruel god designed this?! Was it you?!” She turned her face heavenward. “What is this?! Some kind of sick game to you?! What kind of a Maker are you?!?!”_

_Solas let her scream her anger and remorse to the skies before he calmly settled his hand over her arm, “where do you believe you are?”_

_“It surely can’t be heaven. Because Cullen’s not here.”_

_“Hm, no. It is not heaven. But nor is it any form of afterlife. You are dreaming, lethallin.”_

_“So this is what…? My brain? Awesome. Just great. Now I have to dream of being without him too? Maybe I should just eat a bullet and get this whole fiasco over with. Who knows? Maybe the person who hired my assassins will pay my corpse for doing the job for them.”_

_“That will be enough of that.”_

_Addy’s spine snapped straight at the commanding, disapproving tone of the man beside her._

_“I did not go to such lengths to fulfill my promises to you only to have you kill yourself. The key to everything is in your memories. Discover your past and your future will be assured. The sooner you do so, the better. I cannot help you further with that, Lethallin. If I were to unravel the tether myself, I would ruin the carefully crafted bond that ties you to one another. Once you realize yourself, everything will make sense. Until then…you should wake up.”_

Addy’s eyes snapped open. The ceiling of her bedroom swam into focus. Then like a weighted sack of bricks, everything crashed into her gut with such force she had to make a mad dash to the bathroom. She threw up until she couldn’t heave anymore. Exhausted, sore, and beyond raw, she dragged herself to her feet and stumbled from her bedroom out into the hallway. Muted voices made her instantly weary. She had no weapon. She stepped back into the bedroom and found a wire coat hanger on the floor by the closet. She wielded it and slowly made her way out and toward the dining area. She knew it was futile, but there was no way she was going down without a fight.

Flattening her back to the wall, she crept up to the corner and resolved herself. Inhaling deeply, she lunged out of cover at the nearest person. A shocked cry erupted from her victim as she knocked the man sideways to the floor in his chair. She snarled and raised the coat hanger up before her brain caught up to her. A huge, massive arm plucked her from the man with an ease bordering on obscene.

“Whoa there, little lady!” The massive arm spoke.

Addy realized who she’d been about to maim. The fight went out of her immediately. Bromley sat up quickly; moving to his feet he motioned at the massive arm man to put her down. The moment she was on her feet, she swayed and Bromley caught her in a crushing embrace.

“Careful, Little Addy…careful…you’re not completely healed yet.”

“Brom—” she felt her voice crack and break from both the strain of speaking and from her emotions.

“Shh…shh…you’re safe now. I promise.”

She couldn’t speak. What could she say? The obvious?

“Let’s get her back to bed,” spoke a familiar lilting voice. Leliana.

“No…please…I—I can’t. Not—” _not without Cullen._ She couldn’t even say it.

“If I may? Perhaps it best to place her in with the Commander?”

Addy frowned into her brother’s chest. A name kept floating around in her head to go with that masculine voice. _Solas_.

“As long as you don’t think that might hinder his healing as well,” Bromley responded.

“I believe it may, in fact, do the opposite. One never knows.”

Bromley began to move, gently steering her to under his arm. She leaned heavily upon her brother as he led her back down the hallway. For some reason, it wasn’t clicking in her mind who they were speaking about. When Bromley opened not her door but Cullen’s, she felt a chill go down her spine. They stepped inside. She nearly spun to try and flee; but the sight of a familiar form in the bed there made her heart skip several beats. Somehow, she managed to run. How Addy didn’t fall flat upon her face was something she would never be able to figure out for the rest of her days. Her legs gave out as she fell onto the bed beside Cullen. Beautiful, handsome, _breathing_ , _alive_ Cullen.

Without warning, her face fell to his chest as she wept loudly and openly. She didn’t even hear Bromley alarmed words. All she knew and felt and smelled was Cullen.

“Addy!”

She finally tilted her head enough to look to her brother. Whatever he’d been about to say died on his lips as she stared at him helplessly hopeful. “Is he…is he really alive? Or is this a dream?”

Bromley looked as though she’d physically slammed him. “He’s alive. He’s recovering from a very near call with death, Addy. You have to be gentle with him. Solas managed to stitch him back together. How that wound didn’t puncture his heart or lungs is beyond me. But Solas assured us that the blade merely slipped passed them without actually injuring them.”

 _He died. I know he did. I saw it, felt it…didn’t I? So then, how is he here now? Breathing?_ Addy couldn’t speak. She sat back up and reached over to brush the unruly curls from his face.

“I…feel like I’m intruding on something here,” Bromley frowned at her.

“I lost him, Brom. I—I can’t…” she failed to form the words correctly.

“You love him,” Bromley spoke as though he was realizing this now.

“More than words could possibly define,” Addy sighed as her hand cupped Cullen’s sleeping face.

“You do realize you nearly died as well?”

She looked up then. Bromley’s brown eyes were full of worry and exhaustion. “But I feel—”

“You were fucking _shot_ , Addeline! In your shoulder and thigh! How can you not feel that?” Bromley hissed, trying to chastise her without waking Cullen.

It was only then that Addy felt the aching, stinging pain of healing wounds on her thigh and shoulder. But that shouldn’t have nearly killed her. They weren’t that bad.

“You were nearly bled dry when Solas found you. Had he not stabilized you quickly, you would have died while he fixed Cullen up.”

“How did he get here first?” Addy questioned.

“He was with a team of our men, investigating a claim near here of seeing some para-military men in the area when the alarms went off. Our men were alerted and sent immediately here. While the men neutralized the last two combatants who were hiding in the woods, Solas rushed within and found the bunker wide open.”

“Are you sure that’s all?”

“You don’t think _he_ has anything to do with the hit order out on you?” Bromley asked seriously.

“No,” Addy felt confident in that answer, “he’s not. But I think…I know who may be.”

“Who, Addy?” Brom took a step closer.

“Maxwell.”

She didn’t have to look at him to know she’d just taken the wind out of his sails. It hurt her to even think it, but she couldn’t imagine what it felt like to Bromley to hear those words. Bromley had always looked up to their big brother. “I had hoped—but I suppose it makes sense. The SpecOps…the timing of the hit…? Maker, I wish…I wish I could say I didn’t think so myself.”

“So do I…” Addy whispered as she felt fatigue wash over her. “We have to move safe houses soon, don’t we?”

“Yes, but not until you are both better enough to be moved. I’m not leaving you unguarded again. Cullen did his job well, but I need him alive just as I need you alive. So I’m going to be leaving Bull and his chargers with you when we move you to a new safe house.”

She nodded and stifled a yawn. To her surprise, Bromley crossed the room to tuck her in beside Cullen. He leaned down to kiss her brow. Addy’s lips turned up in a sleepy smile. He smoothed the bedcovers before straightening. He walked back across the room, pausing at the door. His hand was on the light switch when he turned back toward her.

“Get some rest, Little Addy,” then he turned off the light and stepped out of the door.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the huge delay in update. Uhm...right after Christmas I had a little scare. I'm currently 10 weeks pregnant now, and I started spotting and all that jazz literally night after Christmas. So I was put on bed-rest for two days by my doctor just to make sure everything was okay. Of course all sorts of stress just had to pop up in those two days too. But, I'm happy to report everything is GOOD. Baby is healthy, heart beating strongly, and we got to see our baby alien in an ultrasound yesterday! (The pic they printed literally looks like a little alien! No joke! There were so many good pic opportunities during the ultrasound, but that was the one they took. HILARIOUS to look at!) 
> 
> Oh, and I fainted during my blood draw and scared the CRAP out of the poor blood tech. I don't faint like normal peeps. Nope, I look like I'm having a minor seizure when I pass out. Lol. So on top of ALL of that, I scared the piss out of my poor hubby and the phlebotomist. She even said in her twenty plus years of doing that, she'd never seen a faint like that. Good times! Hahaha! 
> 
> Anywho, after this chapter, I will have posted everything I have up to date in chapters. I'll be working more on this as I go. Probably build up a buffer again. I didn't forget about you lovelies! Happy New Year everybody!


	20. Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back loves!

**Chapter Twenty  
** **Alive**

_Claws raking over his flesh; searing scorches across his back; desperation…_

_He couldn’t breathe. No movement was allowable. The Chant of Light was all he knew; breathed; ate; and drank. It was the only safety net he had. They continued to come at him. The taunting. The teasing. The sexual assault upon his person over and over and over again until he had no idea whether his body even recognized any other state of being. When would it stop?_

_Then it did. So jarringly; jolting and painful. Instead, he was in the courtyard of a familiar place. But the **statues** were attacking everyone! The depraved screams of a madwoman echoed all around. His lip was bleeding freely from a blow to his face by one of the statues’ attacks. Magic flew; templars fought; blood spilled; and red lyrium glowed with its sickened song. Twisted beyond reason. It was getting worse before it would get better. He couldn’t think or even hear past that damnable vibration of sickly song. Would it ever end?_

_Then as before, it ended so quickly, he felt ill. If he’d been able to, he’d have vomited violently. Now he fought. Each battle flashed and flickered from one setting to another. A tiny snow covered village in the mountains with monstrous creatures roaring and annihilating his men. Then a desert, dry and craggy with insane men and women who should have been heroes fighting **against** what was good and right. Another shift to a thick, humid jungle with large multicolored birds as well as those monstrous creatures again. Then chunks of falling ground with someone important upon them. _

_There…_

_Striding down from the steps. He began to run forward only to watch the scene shift unnaturally again. Racing up a flight of crumbling steps. She’s is out of his reach. A barrier. A scream. A blast. All dark._

Cullen woke with an inhale of air so deep, he _heard_ it whoop into his lungs. He didn’t even realize he’d sat completely upright in bed; tensed from head to toe. A startled scrabbling beside him made him start violently. He turned and reached out as though to defend himself.

“Whoa! Hey!”

He recognized that voice. His vision swam back into focus and he felt the smaller hands wrapped around his wrist. He registered the blown-wide hazel eyes staring back at him. His chest heaved heavy breaths quickly. Panic began to fade and ebb away. A single name swam through his head; _Evelyn_. But it was… _wrong_ at the same time it was _right_. He frowned deeply and pulled his hand back, turning and shoving his face into his palms.

“What…what the fuck…?” He groaned.

“Cullen?”

He didn’t want to respond. What could he even say? Sorry I attacked you? Sorry I had another fucked up dream? Wait.

“I remember my dream…”

The mattress dipped with the motion beside him. He snapped his head and turned to look at the woman beside him. She stared at him both warily and with relief.

“Yeah?” She managed thickly.

“What happened? I remember being stabbed and then…you—you told me—” Cullen recalled that moment. He _remembered_ slipping away. Floating away. “I died.”

A sharp exhale beside him made him frown.

“I did, didn’t I? So how am I alive? How am I here, Addy?”

“I—” Addy waved her hands helplessly, “according to everyone else, it was bad but somehow not enough to kill you?”

“Bullshit,” he snarled, “I _know_ I fucking _died_.”

“What do you want me to say?!” Addy blurted, looking angrier now.

“I don’t know! I just—god…I don’t know,” he sighed, shaking his head. “I felt that knife stab my heart and lung. I don’t…how the fuck…?”

“What was your dream about? You said you remembered it.”

“It was…blurry. Rushing from one scene to another like a badly put together movie. But I was fighting in every single frame except for one. I was being tortured again in that one. But instead of men doing the slashing and hacking at my body it was twisted beings like…monsters. Or demons.”

Addy frowned and lowered her gaze to her lap. “That sounds really damn awful.”

“But I saw you,” Cullen turned to study her face. “One moment I was rushing to you with elation and relief and the next, with terror and fear and—then everything just blacked out and I woke up. I swear your name was Evelyn in my dreams though. Why the fuck would I even dream that?”

“You…dreamed of my sister…?” Addy asked slowly and flatly.

“No. I dreamt of _you_ with your sister’s _name_. It was _you_. Through and through. Your body, your face, your eyes. The way you _moved_ was the exact same.”

Addy frowned at him. Cullen heaved a sigh and ran his hand over his face; the pull of his healing wound causing him to hiss quietly. Gentle fingers moved over his bandage. His eyes dropped to where Addy’s smaller hand traced the edge of the bandaging wrapped snugly to his wound.

“Maybe we were both delirious from blood loss down there? I thought you died too. I—” Addy swallowed audibly. Her voice was raw with emotion when she regained herself, “I thought I had lost you.”

His internal voice rallied against him. Demanded he tell her that she _had_. He _knew_ as sure as he knew he lived now…that he died. He _felt_ himself leave his own body. But the pure, unrestrained expression Addy wore made him bite down upon his tongue. She looked like she were on the verge of breaking; as though his living now was but an illusion waiting to burst. But he also couldn’t lie to her and agree. So he chose silence. His right hand lifted to cup her face. With a gentle nudge, he lifted her head to face him. It was such a small amount of space that leaning over to claim her lips was a minimal effort.

Addy whimpered and then moved to straddle his hips. His arms rose to cradle her to him. Fuck the injury that protested the motions. Damn the entire world right now. Feeling this woman in his arms was all that mattered right now. He tasted the saline of her tears on his tongue as hers swirled in a carnal dance with his own. Then she ground her heated core against his barely clothed arousal. A low groan was muffled into her mouth. She did it again, sighing past his lips. Maker if she kept this up…he wouldn’t be able to hold back.

“Addy,” he mumbled with his lips brushing hers, “you can’t—”

“I can. I will. I need to feel you.”

Cullen growled in need; so much for that effort. Addy yanked the crotch of her panties aside while she tugged his sleeping pants down enough to release his erection. His breath left him in a hiss as she impaled herself upon his shaft. Her hips rocked wildly on his lap. Taking that as encouragement, he bucked into her slick. He had difficulty breathing from both his injury and the intensity of his feelings. He dropped his right arm back to hold himself upright while his left arm guided her bouncing body. Hazel met amber and neither dared look away as they gave into their bodies’ need for one another. When Cullen felt his balls tighten, her wonderful little sheath clamped around him. A mewl parted her lips that sounded suspiciously like his name. He grit his teeth and pistoned within her several more pumps before he groaned out her name as his seed filled her.

Addy relaxed in his lap, tucking herself so that her head was on his shoulder with her nose to his neck. Cullen drew lazy patterns on her back as he held them up.

“How much do you want to bet we’ll be lectured for this?” Addy mused.

“It’s my practice to never take a wager I cannot win,” Cullen murmured against her hair. Her giggle made him smile.

As though summoned by her words alone, a loud knock sounded upon the door. Addy barely had enough time to slide off of his softening shaft and throw the blanket over him before the door burst open. Cullen shot a peeved look at the intruders. Cass had the decency to look a bit guilty and chagrined. Bromley had no such tact.

“What the hell were you two doing in here?” Bromley demanded, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes.

Addy surprised Cullen enough to make him choke on his own breath, “we had sex! Any other details that are most assuredly _not_ your fucking business you want while we’re at it?!”

Cass flushed crimson and cleared her throat, turning and mumbling, “this is your issue,” before stepping back out of the room.

Bromley looked like fish out of water for a few moments before he cleared his throat, “you realize what a stupid idea that was right?! Cullen is recovering from a damn near fatal wound! And you jump his bones the moment he wakes?!”

“Oh, I’m sorry. My boyfriend, who pretty much _died_ , just woke up. Alive. Is the fact that I felt so relieved that I needed a physical connection to really believe he was with me again a problem for you?”

“God, Addy! There are things, _lots of things_ , I really don’t want to talk with you about!! But this? You could have reinjured him…” Bromley’s voice grew softer and most serious as he stated his last piece.

Cullen, feeling rather like the exhibit on display, inhaled slowly. He cleared his throat, “she’s not all to blame. I could have stopped her yet chose not to. Where are we?”

“Seaside,” Bromley answered smoothly.

“…how long have I been out?!” Cullen blurted, thinking over how long it had to take to get from the safehouse they’d been at, to the safehouse just outside of Highever.

“Four days,” Bromley supplied.

“And the attackers?”

“Quite dead, I assure you. Leliana had a team nearby just in case and when the alarms went off, they shifted focus. Part of that team was actually keeping an eye on the doctor that was trying to help us find clues as to who _‘killed’_ Addy in her apartment.”

“So he obviously knows she’s still alive now,” Cullen ground out, trying not to sound as accusatory as he felt. Another person to watch now. Just another liability.

“To be fair,” a cultured voice floated into the room making Cullen instantly prickle with recognition, “I had already suspected Addeline to be alive. Call it a hunch.”

The man who stepped in the room was one Cullen recalled instantly. From his dreams or a strange recessed memory, this man was one Cullen felt he _knew_. “Solas?”

The man frowned and tilted his head as though curious, “I see you’ve heard of me.”

“I—” wait, was this man smirking? A quick memory resurfaced of that same smirk once upon a time. A knowing glint in blue eyes that said he knew far more than you did. Solas. “You are the one who found us first, I assume.”

Solas inclined his head, “I was, yes. I also assessed you injury and took the precautions necessary to save your life. And hers.”

Cullen’s eyebrows lifted as he turned to look at Addy, “love?”

Hazel eyes swam toward his and he saw the way his term of endearment affected her before she cleared her throat. “I…I may have taken a bullet.”

“Two,” Solas corrected.

Addy shot a glare at him before growling out, “two bullets.”

Anger made him want to reprimand her for being rash but, he couldn’t truly chastise her. Could he? Releasing a slow breath, he nodded once. “All right. What now, Trevelyan? Those men weren’t assassins. They were trained SpecOps. Like I was. Addy said there was one person she knew of with ties to them with the funds and ability to have a team sent after her.”

Bromley dropped his gaze to the floor with his jaw clenched, “Maxwell. Yes, I…I pieced that together as well. I’ve arranged a meeting with him at his house in Ostwick—”

“I’m coming with you,” Addy declared making both Cullen and Bromley immediately protest.

“No! You’re the target! Are you barking mad?” Bromley threw his arm out sideways in a cutting motion.

“Addeline, you’d be placing yourself directly in the line of fire!” Cullen bit out.

“The last thing Maxwell will expect is for me to show up in his parlor. Especially if you dress me as one of your helmeted guards.”

“She has a point,” came the sing-song lilt of Leliana’s voice as she slipped into view. She had entered the room at some point when no one seemed to notice.

Cullen glared at her, already feeling agitation with the spymaster as was, “and how do you come to that conclusion?”

“Simple,” Leliana lifted one shoulder in a delicate shrug, “he will expect Bromley and his personal guard to come question him. He may even also expect you, Cullen. But if Addy here were to reveal herself at a pivotal moment, it could shake him enough to make him act. And in that act, we will have him. He will most likely tip his hand one way or the other.”

“And how can we be sure of that?” Bromley sighed, rubbing his forehead. “My brother is the heir to the Trevelyan family. The future Bann of Ostwick. He was raised in the Game. He knows how to school his features.”

“Every man and woman has a tell,” Leliana chirped. “Besides, I will have agents already placed strategically about. Even if he has a very good poker face, there are other signs that will show his intentions. A sudden change in servant location, a subtle shifting for something in a drawer or under the desk…with as many eyes as I’ll have on him? There will be no way for him to hide.”

“Neither of you have to like it, but you _will_ put up with it. Maxwell is my brother too. I deserve the chance to confront him on why he’d stoop so low as to murder his own little sister. I _need_ to see his face when I ask him _why_? I should at least have _that_.”

Cullen sighed and knew he would concede here. No matter how much he didn’t like the idea, she was right. And what could he honestly deny her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I've been away from writing for a bit. Baby is healthy and progressing just fine. Just been exhausted lately. We're in the process of basically re-signing for our rental property we live in right now for another year just with a brand new lease and new roomies. My sisters. Add to that the fact this pregnancy is a fair bit more difficult on me than my last two and then working on editing our Original Story; our novel. I'm just...blegh. I'm not abandoning this! I have a vision still! Hopefully I can get back to it more often. My buffer is gone now. I have to work on a new buffer of chapters. 
> 
> Much love to you all!


	21. Announcement!!

**Announcement!!!**

My hubby and I finished our first book!! It's available via Kindle right now through Amazon. The physical book copy will be available soon after. If you happen to want to know the title, feel free to ask in comments.

This is why I've been gone so long. Editing, fixing, and prepping to publish has taken my time and attention. I'm working on the second book too right now, but I'm planning to keep working on these fictions too! You guys are my main audience and I don't intend to leave you high and dry. Love you guys so much and thanks for all your support this entire time!! You all rock!!


	22. Reunion

**Chapter 21  
** **Reunion**

Perfectly groomed shrubbery and beyond well-maintained landscape was the first notable feature of the secondary Trevelyan estate. Although no flowers were in bloom during the winter season, all the greenery was meticulously kept well-trimmed and manicured to a flawless degree. Not one inch of the entire front yard was left unattended. Bromley both loved and hated this place. His tailored suit was stiff and highly uncomfortable. Hard to move in. If Bromley needed to fight, he’d have to rip a few seams to _fucking move_. As though his suit wasn’t bad enough, his Maker-damned shoes were a bloody menace to all that was considered good and right in the world. At least Cullen’s suit was fitted to allow _him_ to move. He made a mental note to demand Josie let him get his suits retailored to fit looser and more mobile-friendly. Cullen reached the door first and made sure he was the first line of sight when they rang the bell.

A grizzled man Bromley recognized from his teenage years answered. The man frowned petulantly at Cullen before spotting Bromley just behind. His face immediately melted into a forced friendly expression.

“Your lordship,” the old geezer spoke with a short bow and stepped aside. “The master of the house was expecting you. Not an entourage…”

“He’ll have to forgive my personal attaché,” Bromley delivered coolly with no room for negotiation.

“It’s fine, Herfeld. Let them in,” Maxwell’s calm baritone came from the library upon their left.

Bromley practically brushed the doorman aside and strode into the library with his head high and eyes narrowed. Maxwell sat behind the massive red-oak desk their father would tend to business behind when they stayed in this secondary estate for whatever reason. He held a glass of liquor in his hand and gestured to Bromley to sit. Bromley hesitated for a moment before he begrudgingly took a seat across from his elder brother. He noted how his ‘bodyguards’ slipped into place on either side of him, five paces behind. Cullen moved to where the fireplace was snugly set into the far wall. His back to the mantle in a deceptive projection of ease and calm.

“I assume you have reasons for demanding to see me,” Maxwell began with a tired, slow breath.

Bromley grit his teeth, “I do. What has you so exhausted, dear brother of mine?”

Max paused in his motions, staring blankly into the glass in his hand. “Would you believe me if I said the weight of our name and our family…?”

It took far more effort than Bromley could ever admit to not to lunge across the desk at his brother. “What? The guilt of assassination not settling in your gut well?”

Max looked up then, a puzzled look on his face. Cullen sighed in obviously agitation at Bromley’s break from the dialogue Leliana had practically force-fed him. As though Bromley had ever been one to follow a script. Max blinked, “what…what are you talking about?”

Before Bromley could react or respond, his left bodyguard moved. At first, Bromley wasn’t certain if she was going to enact his previous desire. Then the helmet hit the floor. By the way Max’s face froze and paled, Bromley felt his stomach flop.

“ _Me_ , Max. He’s alluding to _me_ ,” Addy snarled. But Bromley didn’t have to look to know she had tears in her eyes.  
Max was trembling now, his slowly rose. Cullen was instantly tensed and poised for attack. “Addeline? Y—you’re actually alive? The reports were…they were false?”

“Only because your assassins failed!” Addy ground out.

“W—what? What assassins?!” Max shouted, tears now freely flowing from his own eyes. “Wait…y—you don’t believe _I_ sent someone to _kill_ you? Do you?”

“What else were we to think, Max?” Bromley sighed, standing. “Special Operations soldiers were sent _after_ the initial assassination was foiled—”

“And _you_ have ties with Command Master Chief Lucian Corin!” Addy shook her head and looked at Max. “Why, Max? Maker, _why_? What did I ever do to you for you to want me…to want me dead?”

Max shook his head and slammed his hand down, “I didn’t send assassins after you!! Maker, you…you believe I would have my own _little sister_ killed? You…you _both_ believe me capable of such?!”

“Prove us wrong,” Cullen challenged coolly but not unkindly.

“Leelee…” Max’s voice grew so thick with emotion that it hurt Bromley to hear. “I have never, _ever_ wished you harm. No matter what. When you were but a wee little babe I would wake to the sounds of your cries and go cradle you in my arms, rocking you until you’d settle! I’d even sing the canticles to you! You loved the canticle of Exaltations the most!”

Addy’s form trembled, “that—that just—why would you tell me that?! Do you have any idea what it is like to be so hated and despised by your own family?! Of course not…you’re the fucking chosen one!”

“Hated? Despised? By whom!? Surely not _I_? I _love_ you. Whatever happened with that Howe boy was a mess, yes. But I never _hated_ you for it! I was disappointed in what came from it. But never did I hate you for it!!” Max rounded the desk only to draw up short as Cullen cut him off. “Kindly step aside, ser!”

“I will not,” Cullen’s voice was low, even; frightening. “Addeline is mine to protect. Until you give sufficient evidence to the lack of your involvement in the attempts on her life—”

“Attempts? There’s been more than one?” Max asked, shaking his head and looking to Bromley.

Bromley watched the horror in his brother’s eyes. He could see the pure turmoil in his sibling’s face. The agony of what was occurring. “You really didn’t know…”

“How could I?! I’ve been busy here for the last several months trying to _fix_ some of the bloody mistakes! Father’s mind is failing him and he’s been making poorer and poorer choices in business deals lately. Mother keeps spending money as though it’s made of bloody air. The costs of maintaining this blasted estate _and_ the main Ostwick estate is…exorbitant would be a kind word! The last news I heard was when Evie then Jax both called me back to back; sobbing about how our—” Max’s voice cracked and broke, “how Leelee was murdered. So please pardon me for grieving our fucking sister. I haven’t hardly slept since the news reached me and I…I haven’t…I sent Tamara and the children to her family’s estate so that they wouldn’t have to see me so weakened…”

Addy made a sound akin to a whimper before she slowly approached their brother. Cullen shot her a glance. She was able to interpret it somehow. Cullen nodded and stepped aside. Max moved around Cullen and crushed Addy to him. Bromley released a shaking breath and turned back toward the door.

“I believe you all can stand down now,” he called out. Several servants and the such began to appear from random entrances or whatnot.

Max lifted his head, looking stunned at how many spies were revealing themselves. “I heard your organization was the best. I’d not ever thought…”

“If not for Brom and Cullen here, I _would_ be dead for real, Max.”

“You don’t know that,” Cullen interjected.

“I would certainly fight, yes. But I think we both know that I’d be dead from the second team sent for my head. I only survived because of you, Cul…” Addy sighed.

Max looked to Cullen, “you saved her life?”

Cullen reached up to rub his neck, “yes.”

“Then you have my eternal gratitude. Whatever you need, whenever you need, ask and I shall do whatever is in my power to ensure it is so,” Max spoke seriously. He then turned back to Addy still wrapped in his arms, “you’re still in hiding.”

Bromley noted it wasn’t a question but a statement. Addy nodded in affirmation.

Max exhaled and then nodded curtly, stepping back. “Well then, let’s keep it that way. As far as my household is concerned, only Bromley paid me a visit today. Herfeld!”

The old man stepped inside and swept a deep bow, “my lord?”

“Have all the audio recorders wiped from today. All the video recordings are to _malfunction_ the moment Bromley sits down until he leaves. See to that, will that?”

Herfeld nodded and bowed once more before leaving the room. Bromley looked at his brother askance, “you have recorders and cameras?”

“Evidence is everything, Brom. Should I ever be accused of untoward behavior, I shall have all the evidence I need to back myself up. How else do you believe father always stayed so upstanding and scrupulous among the nobility? Always keep an accord of your actions so that when someone accuses you falsely, you have the evidence to use to your benefit.”

“Or blackmail them to do what you desire…” Addy supplied with a less than impressed look.

Max inclined his head as he moved to sit once more, “yes. Though I don’t intend to ever use that route. Father…made many enemies that way.”

Bromley took his seat as well. “Who? Can you supply me with names?”

“Names?” Max snorted in a very uncharacteristic fashion, “Brom, I can give you far better. Did you save any of the IDs of Addy’s attackers?”

Brom nodded, “yes, but we cannot trace even a small amount of connection to anyone with the means or opportunity to harm Addy.”

“Hmm,” Max steepled his hands and leaned upon his elbows. “You said some of them were a group of SpecOps?”

“Yes,” Cullen leaned against the bookcase behind him. “All their tags were removed to avoid any identification. Fingerprints as well. One of our own has their DNA being processed as we speak. Though we highly doubt there is much we can glean from that either.”

“SpecOps…they almost certainly all are under CMC Lucius Corin’s command. I had my suspicions the man had delved into a darker field of operations, but assassination? Using his men as a hit-team? That’s a new low that I couldn’t have predicted. However, his ties…the ones who could truly buy him off? Now there’s a starting point. Corin owes his rank and a vast amount of funding to two major families in Ferelden. The Howe’s, and the Mac Tir’s,” Max stated with a solemn nod.

Cullen shook his head, “you must be joking. The Mac Tir’s would have a larger vendetta against the Cousland’s. It is their daughter who deposed, exposed, executed Loghain, and then took the throne beside King Alistair. What could they have to gain by sending assassins after Addy?”

“…because I’m the one who helped expose Loghain with them…” Addy’s voice was hardly above a whisper. However, she may have shouted it aloud.

“How? You were in the army at the time, weren’t you?” Bromley asked, puzzled himself.

“Exactly. I was there. At the first run of Ostegar when Loghain betrayed Cailan’s troops. I was…I was under Mac Tir’s command, Brom. I had to follow the retreat order. When I demanded to fight; questioned my orders…I was reassigned to the regiment that went deep into the Korcari wilds. Where my entire squadron was decimated in under three hours.”

“That’s—but how would Anora be able to hold that against you?” Bromley demanded to know what everyone else was thinking.

“Because when I survived the suicide mission, I found a way to inform a few of the noble houses of Ferelden about Loghain’s betrayal as evidence Commander Cousland could use to their advantage against Loghain in Denerim. At the land’s meet. And I wasn’t anonymous.”

Cullen swore under his breath. Brom breathed in slowly, “why didn’t you ever say so?”

“…oh, really? You think I pieced that together right away? I wouldn’t believe she’d hold onto all of that for such a long time before sending fucking assassins after me! That was…that was nearly ten years ago now!” Addy had begun pacing.

“That at least gives us a starting point,” Max commented as he moved his right hand to grasp a fountain pen. He pulled a piece of paper over to scribble down a few notes then held it out to Brom. “This is the best way to mitigate through the thick muck that are the politics of Ferelden.”

Cullen made a disparaging sound but wisely kept his mouth shut. Addy shot him a look of understanding. She cleared her throat, “where will that leave me? Us?”

“The next safe house,” Brom mumbled distractedly as he read the note from Max, “this time with Leliana and her people directly on hand to keep an eye on things.”

Addy watched Cullen bristle. He straightened immediately, “that shouldn’t be—”

“I’m not asking for your advice right now, Rutherford. This isn’t negotiable. For her safety at the very least,” Brom curtly argued.

Addy sighed and held her hand out, “it’s fine, Cullen. I’ll deal with it. For now. But just so we’re all very clear on something…”

Brom tilted his head, “and what it that?”

“I want to be armed and included in this shit. I’m not a damsel, damnit. I’m a soldier and I _will_ fight to protect myself and those I love. No matter what.”

Brom sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, “you’re just bound and determined to make this more difficult than need be, aren’t you?”

“Well, good to see some things haven’t changed,” Max chuckled softly.

“If you want me to hide in a hole while you play hero, fine. But you’re _not_ leaving me unarmed this time.”

Cullen smirked, “she more than proved her capabilities, I should think.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter SUCKS. I really lost my mojo while working on our original book. If the next few really suck too, bear with me! I have to get the flow of this back.


End file.
